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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

don't know what to do

104 replies

Nicole0896 · 15/06/2020 19:33

so abit of back ground, ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years. We met when we was both at the lowest times in our life, for the first year of our relationship he cheated on me 10 times with his ex. I know I should of never let him back but I was in such a bad place that I always forgave him (also got told I couldnt have children so thought whatever). Anyway after the year we both moved into our own place, i sorted my life out and got a new job and he basically moved into my flat. We started having arguments and i was ready to break up with him but then the doctors called me and told me I was pregnant so decided I had to try.

So fast forward to now. I have a 5month old and a man who is basically living in my house but has nothing to do with us. He plays on his xbox all day and night. And I mean from as soon as he wakes up till he goes to sleep. Whenever he does speak to me its either to moan at me or call me names. I have asked him to leave a few times because I don't like the way he treats me or our son but he always says no and tells me to make him.

I really don't know what to do anymore, hes making me feel so depressed. Its not like we never had any good times because we did. But I dont know who this man is anymore and don't want to spend my life feeling like this.

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 15/06/2020 19:35

Wait until he goes out and have the locks changed. Dump his stuff outside. If he doesn't go out and refuses to leave, ring the police. They will remove him for you. There is a way out of this if you really want it. he is a useless layabout who is sponging off you. Get rid.

Blanca87 · 15/06/2020 19:36

Call the police and get him out. Maybe ring womens aid for support, too. Police would be my first go to, though. What a cheeky bastard he is.

NoMoreDickheads · 15/06/2020 19:42

If it's your flat then yes, you can make him. I would call the police.

If he ever goes out for a bit then you can change the locks etc as PP's said.

Original poster
Nicole0896 · 15/06/2020 19:46

Unfortunately he never goes out, he hasn't been out since we registered our little one. I've been so scared off ringing the police because I don't know what he would do. And dont want to cause more issues

OP posts:
Menora · 15/06/2020 22:46

He never goes out? Never? Not even to the shops or to visit anyone?
This sounds awful
You might have to get him removed legally

jeaux90 · 15/06/2020 22:51

So you aren't married and the flat is in your name?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/06/2020 23:03

How does he get money if he doesn't go out?

Original poster
Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 05:43

Never goes out. Hes on benefits and soends most of his money on his xbox so he doesn't have to go out.

No were not married and the flat is in my name, he has his own flat about 10 minutes away.

I did speak to someone before and they said if he doesn't leave when I tell him then he could possibly have squatters rights

OP posts:
crystalize · 16/06/2020 07:07

Who did you speak to? Squatters rights my arse. What an unbelievable scrounging scumbag, sat on his arse for 5 months without leaving the place? Disgusting. Why are you accepting this OP? Seriously, give your head a wobble.

Time to get tough, call the police and tell them it's your place and he refuses to leave. Do you have any family/friends for support?

LucyLocketsPocket · 16/06/2020 07:11

Contact Citizens Advice.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 16/06/2020 07:12

Who are these people advising you? Who told you you couldnt get pregnant? That’s. Big statement! Isnt it usually youd have difficulty conceiving naturally.

Who told you he has Squatters rights?

I thibk you're listening to the wrong people.

Phone the police and get Him removed. He is awful. Absolutely awful.

category12 · 16/06/2020 07:13

He does not have squatters rights. Someone is telling you absolute shite.

backseatcookers · 16/06/2020 07:17

Tell him you need space (in case that persuaded him to - as if it's a break and not permanent even though you know it is) and want him out.

If he'll go, wait until he's home and message him to say he can't come back and if he does you'll call the police. Pack up anything he has left at yours and get someone else to drop it outside his flat. I'm sure he'll take his xbox as soon as he goes as he sounds like a manchild.

If he won't go, be prepared to follow through and call the police to have him removed.

It's your home, he literally has no right to be there legally if you have told him you want him to leave.

He sounds pathetic hopefully the threat of police will be enough but if not then the appearance of them should be!

Pintofbeer · 16/06/2020 07:20

I did speak to someone before and they said if he doesn't leave when I tell him then he could possibly have squatters rights

Agree with the others.

'Squatters' rights' are a very specific thing that do not apply to people in this man's position. That's someone who knows nothing who wants to sound like they know something. Seriously, they are wrong!

I have asked him to leave a few times because I don't like the way he treats me or our son but he always says no and tells me to make him.

So then make him!

Call the police, tell them that you have asked him to leave and he won't. Tell them what is going on and don't tell him you've done it until they arrive.

If he gets nasty in future, don't get drawn into engaging with him and call the police every time.

Then, "Bye bye loser".

category12 · 16/06/2020 07:24

For one thing, he does not fulfil the category of squatter for another, he hasn't been there nearly long enough. Op, who told you this? You need to be very sceptical of what they say in future. Look at the gov UK website here: www.gov.uk/squatting-law/squatters-rights-to-property

You absolutely have the ability to get him out of your home. You're not married or in a civil partnership, your home is in your name, he has no right to stay, he even has a place of his own, so he hasn't a leg to stand on.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 16/06/2020 07:38

Have you posted about this man before? I find it bizarre that he doesn't go out? How does he get food?

Gobbycop · 16/06/2020 07:46

What a shame.

People are desperate to have kids and this sack of shit is squandering the opportunity to be a dad.

Wait until he's out gather his stuff and launch it out the door, change locks, call police if he comes back.

TheTeenageYears · 16/06/2020 07:48

Is the flat he has currently unoccupied or rented out? Does he own it, is it a private rental or is it council/housing association? If he's not living in social housing provided for him he's breaking the law. You could look at reporting him if that's the case and he may well then be more willing to leave your home if he thinks he's going to lose his.

Treacletoots · 16/06/2020 08:44

He sleeps I presume?

Wait until he's asleep and take the fuse out of the plug in his precious X box. Now you have his attention.

Tell him one final time to leave, and give him a time to leave by. Tell him you'll call the police if he's not gone by X time.

I had similar with my exH. It took a fortnight of coming home after I had asked him to leave before he realised I meant it and he sloped off back to his mum's.

Haffiana · 16/06/2020 09:14

If you want it enough you can make him leave. You haven't reached the point of wanting it yet.

Original poster
Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 09:56

Right, someone from womens aid told me he could have squatters rights when I rang about a year ago.
Not being able to have children I was told by the hospital after many tests so I thought i might aswell put up with this life.
I also don't have much support, I have his dad and step mum who live close by and his step mum says she's there for me but they don't help as their his family.

I'm going to tell him today that he needs to leave and if he doesnt im going to have to ring the police. I know i can't keep on like this

OP posts:
Pintofbeer · 16/06/2020 10:12

www.gov.uk/squatting-law/squatters-rights-to-property

OP, they were wrong.

This is the government page on squatters rights.

No one would ever move a partner in if they were able to stay there indefinitely under squatters rights!

Seriously, contact the police for advice. My local station was brilliant when I had to contact them for advice.

Original poster
Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 10:34

Thank you, im going to the shops shortly and going to ring for advice. I guess if he wont leave I have to just have the police involved

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 16/06/2020 10:44

If his family are somewhat supportive, could you reach out to them -- his stepmother maybe?

You can try to put it all in nice terms, just say that things are not working out between you and you think it would be best if he moved back to his own apartment, but he's not listening. Tell them you don't want to call the police but you don't know what else to do. Maybe they will offer to come over and talk him round?

If that is not an option though, then yes, the police. Talk to them first and ask how you should proceed. Make sure to tell them there is a baby in the house.