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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

don't know what to do

104 replies

Nicole0896 · 15/06/2020 19:33

so abit of back ground, ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years. We met when we was both at the lowest times in our life, for the first year of our relationship he cheated on me 10 times with his ex. I know I should of never let him back but I was in such a bad place that I always forgave him (also got told I couldnt have children so thought whatever). Anyway after the year we both moved into our own place, i sorted my life out and got a new job and he basically moved into my flat. We started having arguments and i was ready to break up with him but then the doctors called me and told me I was pregnant so decided I had to try.

So fast forward to now. I have a 5month old and a man who is basically living in my house but has nothing to do with us. He plays on his xbox all day and night. And I mean from as soon as he wakes up till he goes to sleep. Whenever he does speak to me its either to moan at me or call me names. I have asked him to leave a few times because I don't like the way he treats me or our son but he always says no and tells me to make him.

I really don't know what to do anymore, hes making me feel so depressed. Its not like we never had any good times because we did. But I dont know who this man is anymore and don't want to spend my life feeling like this.

OP posts:
Simply2020 · 16/06/2020 16:47

Please stop advising OP until we know their ages

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 17:09

Just an update, I am still waiting for his dad but he's acting like nothing as happened so I feel safe. Hopefully his dad won't be too long now. Thank you for all advice and support.

I also don't understand why our age matters to the advice that people have given me. But as you ask im 24 and he is 27

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 17:12

Not really sure why their ages matter.

Did they give you an estimated time of arrival op?
Dont let them take the piss.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 17:22

His step mum not long messaged and said next half hour. She said his dad hasn't messaged him so he doesn't know their coming so he cant lock them out or anything. So hopefully he will be out in the next hour or so

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 16/06/2020 17:24

I don't get the age reference either, I think maybe it's the wrong thread as seems so out of place?

Anyway well done OP, the MN army is behind you willing you on. Hopefully his parents come through x

AliasGrape · 16/06/2020 17:29

Text the dad ‘if you’re not here by 6.30 I’m going to phone the police and have them remove your son. Our relationship is over and he has been asked to leave many times.’

Then follow through - if he’s not there by the time you specify do what a pp has suggested - take yourself somewhere safe (even if it’s just the supermarket) and call the police.

He won’t take your son. He certainly won’t be able to do so if the police are there. And the fact you had to get the police to remove him won’t stand him in good stead in any custody/access hearings - although to be fair a man who can’t be arsed to do anything but play Xbox all day is highly unlikely to want to be arsed about looking after a baby or trying to get access even. I mean he doesn’t give a shit when your son is right there in the flat with him so he’s hardly likely to start caring once he’s gone is he?

To be honest I’d have gone for the police option over the dad anyway. I think it’s safer. If the dad arrives and your ex kicks off how are you going to keep yourself and your son safe? Can you lock yourself in another room whilst the dad gets him out? I’d want his name calling aka verbal abuse of you on record somewhere too.

Once he’s gone make sure you get the locks changed - call an emergency locksmith whilst you’re calling the police. Change any passwords he might know of yours - WiFi, Netflix etc - anything like that. Block him on your phone at least for now - you’re going to have to speak at some point regarding your son but give yourself some space to calm down first. If he turns up at the flat again don’t let him in, tell him he needs to leave and if he won’t then call the police again.

Are there drugs involved OP? No judgment it’s just the only people I know who could spend all day every day on the xbox also smoked a lot of weed. That might just be my experience though.

Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 17:39

Good. Just make it clear that they aren't coming to mediate, they are coming to move him out. Dont get sucked into convo with them. Just 'I want you out within the hour, or the police will ve called. Your parents have come to help' then leave the room they are in whenever they enter.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 17:40

His stepmum has said they are on their way know so should be maximum 10 minutes.

I do think he will try and get my little boy just to hurt me really, he thinks he is a good dad and better then myself so yeah.
And no he doesn't take any drugs, he doesn't go out so no way he could. He claims he's depressed and thats why he dont go out and treats me the way he does.

OP posts:
Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 17:42

I wont be in the same room anyway, he is in the bedroom so I will send his dad straight to him as all off his stuff is in there aswell. So I wint have to be involved in him leaving

OP posts:
LovingLola · 16/06/2020 17:44

Hope he leaves quietly.

CodenameVillanelle · 16/06/2020 17:47

He can't get your son. His dad and step mum aren't likely to help him take him now (are they?) and no court would grant him residence if what you have said is true. Don't worry about that, just focus on getting him out.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 17:49

No his family would never help him take our son and i know deep down he wont get him but it just worries me.

Hopefully he just goes and then let's things calm down before we sort anything regarding contact

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 16/06/2020 17:49

He can threaten all he wants about wanting to live with your child but the fact is he pays him no attention at all and when he realises he can't go online and look after the baby, he'll give up the baby without a fight.

I'm glad his step mum is on your side, but be careful from now on. You don't want anything you're doing feeding back to him.

Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 17:50

Well, he doesn't get to treat you that way anymore, because he's an ex :)

Bananalanacake · 16/06/2020 21:20

Did he have a job before lockdown. I'm assuming he doesn't pay towards the bills so he has no right to live there. Hope he is gone by now.

TorkTorkBam · 16/06/2020 21:29

If he isn't interested in the baby now, he never will be. Do not chase him for contact arrangements after he has gone. When he can't mooch off you he will disappear. Good riddance too. Your baby does not need a dad like him in his life.

justasmalltownmum · 16/06/2020 21:32

How does he have his own flat?

Is he gone now?

I had the unfortunate experience of calling e police on my sibling. The police said if they don't own the house and the house owner has asked them to leave and they refuse, they are breaching they peace and can be arrested.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/06/2020 21:46

is he out OP.. Flowers

funnylittlefloozie · 16/06/2020 21:49

Has he gone yet? I hope you're ok.

backseatcookers · 16/06/2020 21:50

Are you ok OP? Let us know if you get a chance Thanks

Whatisthisfuckery · 16/06/2020 22:06

Hope you and your baby are ok OP and that you’ve managed to get him gone.

GertrudeCB · 17/06/2020 08:08

Hope you and your dc are safe op Flowers

getdownonit · 17/06/2020 08:08

I hope you are waking up to the first day of a peaceful life alone with your baby Thanks

Rainbowx · 17/06/2020 09:37

Morning hope it all went ok OP and you and little one are safe

SnowdropFox · 17/06/2020 10:23

Hoping you had a great nights sleep in the flat op. With just you and the lo.

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