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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

don't know what to do

104 replies

Nicole0896 · 15/06/2020 19:33

so abit of back ground, ive been with my partner for nearly 3 years. We met when we was both at the lowest times in our life, for the first year of our relationship he cheated on me 10 times with his ex. I know I should of never let him back but I was in such a bad place that I always forgave him (also got told I couldnt have children so thought whatever). Anyway after the year we both moved into our own place, i sorted my life out and got a new job and he basically moved into my flat. We started having arguments and i was ready to break up with him but then the doctors called me and told me I was pregnant so decided I had to try.

So fast forward to now. I have a 5month old and a man who is basically living in my house but has nothing to do with us. He plays on his xbox all day and night. And I mean from as soon as he wakes up till he goes to sleep. Whenever he does speak to me its either to moan at me or call me names. I have asked him to leave a few times because I don't like the way he treats me or our son but he always says no and tells me to make him.

I really don't know what to do anymore, hes making me feel so depressed. Its not like we never had any good times because we did. But I dont know who this man is anymore and don't want to spend my life feeling like this.

OP posts:
Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 10:47

His dad has offered to come and take him, but then he will ring him first and it never turns out that he comes to get him. His step mum spoke to me yesterday and said after I've spoke to him she will speak to his dad and have a sturn word and make him realise that he needs to come get him and his stuff.

I hate getting his family involved and I dont know if his dad would actually come and take him

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 16/06/2020 11:14

I understand, it must be really awkward. It's worth a try though, it sounds like his stepmother is on your side.

It's just ridiculous considering he does have a flat to go to. Why does he even want to stay with you if he just ignores you all the time?

Simply2020 · 16/06/2020 11:14

@@OP, how old are you both?

Why do you feel that you have to put up with this kind of behaviour?

I was in the same position with a relative of mine but in the end I had to call the police to have the individual removed.

Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 11:43

I'd be saying 'either you come get him today, now or I'll be calling the police tonight to have him removed'.

Tell them not to call him first, just to come.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 12:18

His step mum is really supportive about it all and hopefully she can get his dad to remove him. Hes just woke up so I'm going to try get him out now

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 16/06/2020 12:25

Good luck -- and be careful. Don't hesitate to call the police if he kicks off.

He has no right to be there! If a complete stranger came into your house and wouldn't leave, you'd call the police. At this point, that's all he is.

strawberry2017 · 16/06/2020 13:14

Good luck OP. Sending lots of love and strength x

SnowdropFox · 16/06/2020 13:21

Good luck op! After he's gone, open all the windows and let the fresh air in (unless its minging where you are). Claim back your flat by getting rid of the evidence the slob was there, put your own music on, dance with the baby and smile. Itll be tough on your own (you basically already were) but you can do it Flowers

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 13:49

Thank you for all the support.

It went the way I knew it would go so I've text his stepmum to sent his dad to get him and said ill ring the police otherwise.

OP posts:
Adelais · 16/06/2020 13:54

You’re absolutely doing the right thing. Does anyone live in his flat? I don’t understand why he won’t move out. What a waste of space. Have you told him it’s over?

Bmidreams · 16/06/2020 13:59

You're doing the right thing, but be careful.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 14:01

No, no one lives in his flat, everyone says he won't leave because he's got nothing at his because I've got it all at mine. But I'm sticking to it and getting him out.
He knows I dont want to be with him but he just said " well we will spend time together tonight" he dont care about my feelings.

I'm more worried that he might try take my son as he has said many times if I ever made him leave he is going to take my son with him, but he would never cope and I worry about my little boy

OP posts:
namesnames · 16/06/2020 14:03

If he doesn't go out how does he buy food to eat?

namesnames · 16/06/2020 14:04

Turn your wifi off.

Nicole0896 · 16/06/2020 14:07

He eats my food, then moans that there's nothing he likes in.

I night try turning the WiFi off

OP posts:
glitterfarts · 16/06/2020 14:09

Wait till he's asleep. Take the Xbox and put it outside in the car or garden. When he goes to get it, lock the door. Never let him in again.

glitterfarts · 16/06/2020 14:10

Take your baby with you to the shops and call the police. Tell them your ex is refusing to leave your house.

dreamingbohemian · 16/06/2020 14:14

If his family won't come through, I would take the baby out and call the police from there and ask them how you should proceed. You don't want to put you or your baby in any danger.

Also be sure to change the locks!

MashedPotatoBrainz · 16/06/2020 14:15

Make sure to tell the police that he doesn't live at yours, he has his own flat. He was visiting and has since refused to leave and that you've been too scared to force it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/06/2020 14:15

He eats my food, then moans that there's nothing he likes in.

Padlock for the fridge. Starve the bastard out. In the real world get someone to remove him. And yes, turn off the WiFi.

backseatcookers · 16/06/2020 14:23

If his family won't come through, I would take the baby out and call the police from there and ask them how you should proceed. You don't want to put you or your baby in any danger.

This is great advice, be brave today and then it's such a huge step over with. You're doing so well to be getting things moving Thanks

Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 15:13

I think its police time op.

The fact that he is talking about spending time with you just shows how warped he is that he still thinks you two are a couple.

No farting about with wifi. You could try the xbox thing. If he leaves the house, lock him out and leave the keys in the locks till you can get a locksmith. If he wont leave the doorstep, call the police. Have his parents collect his things if he wants them. Never allow him in the house again.

Don't worry about him taking your kid. Even if he did, he would bring him back soon enough as there is no way he will want the inconvenience of looking after a baby.

Honestly op just rip the bandage off and call the police, tell them your ex wont leave your home and you feel intimidated and at risk. Top hours and you'll be free of him.

Bunnymumy · 16/06/2020 15:13

*two hours

GertrudeCB · 16/06/2020 15:22

Are you safe op ?

joystir59 · 16/06/2020 15:29

Squatting is illegal now in residential premises, and squatters rights only ever applied to someone occupying an empty property even when it was legal