Husband not happy with sex life

[Mum0fF0ur]

I've found myself here after a google search lead me to an old thread titled My husband completely loses it when I have my period from March 2019. Reading through the replies was a real eye opener.

I almost feel like I'm here to justify my husband's behaviour, while asking for advice on how to deal with it. My husband does not completey lose it, nor does he get angry and shout at me, but he makes it known my period is an inconvenience for him and "our" sex life. I've been on the pill to skip periods due to low iron (my tubes are tied so don't need it as contraception). After 1-3 months I'd start to have a breakthrough bleed so I'd stop the pill and have my period come on to get it over and done with. Then restart the pill after my period. Almost each time he'd ask me if I skipped or missed my pills, as though I'd done it on purpose. I tried to explain about the breakthrough bleed/spotting starting on its own.

I stopped taking the pill in March to give my body a break from it so I'm back to my 28 day cycles. Yesterday we were out and I was looking in the car for a tampon, and he asks "seriously?". "Yes, I have my period. I need to find a bathroom at our next stop." His whole mood changed, he stopped making conversation and although he wasn't shouting or anything, I could tell he wasn't happy.

He tries it on almost every morning. I personally would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes! It's not unusual for me to be up a couple of times with our youngest two children. I just don't wake up in the mood? When I get up and go to walk out of the bedroom to start getting our kids up for school, he let's me know he was hoping for sex. A few times this results in doors being slammed when he gets up a few minutes after me.

Just curious if anyone else has been through this and came to a resolution to save their marriage. Thank you.

He's a sex pest and would rank amongst the unfuckables, for me. Upsetting post. He doesn't like you. He's using sex as a 'weapon' against you. Repulsive. I hope you get away from him OP, and if you ever do leave the time will come when you revel in the peace of not having him pestering you.

Apart from this issue how is he? Truthfully? That's the real question. Sex can be sorted out with great husbands who are worth keeping. But if this is just one way he is being selfish then not so much.

And equally it depends on how much you actually do have sex and whether actually it might be good for you to understand that it's important to him not just for the orgasms but the whole bonding thing. If he feels every time you do it's reluctantly then he would feel pretty shit. You need to save some of yourself for him not be 'cuddled out' by bedtime.

BUT (before I get flamed for being a 50s housewife) that's ONLY if you otherwise have a sound marriage, he's not a prick, and you actually aren't being intimate very often.

If he's a lovely guy but feels pushed aside/rejected then he might be acting more like a dick. Or he could actually just be a knob. Sounds like you need to talk WITHOUT the children there and probably with the aid of some wine - you know, like when you were dating.

But quickie morning sex is not exactly top of my list unless I know I have a lot of time and there's definitely going to be a much improved repeat version later. Which with kids is unlikely.

Let him get up with the kids on a morning. Then demand sex and see how keen he is after...

It’s controlling and selfish of your husband. Periods can’t be helped and SEX IS NOT COMPULSORY!!

How entitled

Yeah rereading you need to tell him they have invented female viagra. It's called husbands doing their fucking share so wives get some sleep. And making sure when they actually do have sex it's not just a 2 minute thing which is no use to anyone except him.

Do you ever have GOOD sex with him? Or is it all just this? Did you ever? When will men realise a woman's libido drops off a cliff once they become shit shags.

If he's like this about sex believe me, he is not a lovely guy.

It's not about the sex. It about entitlement and him owing your body.
It's about control. He is reminding you he has the power. Your body is his when he wants it.

@GilbertMarkham

*I felt very uncomfortable and upset reading this OP.

He's abusive, he thinks you exist to service him.

How is he otherwis

He sounds like a twat. I wouldn't want sex with him at all

He sounds abusive.

You don't exist to provide him with an orifice to wank into.

Questioning your medication is seriously fucked up.

He's treating you like a defective sex doll not a human. Ignore all the have sex anyway posts.
He's essentially coercing you into sex. There's a word for a man who does that.*

All these.

Just reading that made me fee pressured, stressed and very uncomfortable.

Sounds very much like sexual coercion.

Behaviour like this tends to be about control and possession as well as sex.

Men like this don't tend to change.

I'd reply seriously 'fuck off and it ain't happening again until you can show me some respect. I don't repect or like you when you are a twat and I don't appreciate you never consider my wants, needs or anything apart from being your hole -so put a sock it in or over it -sex isn't happening for as long as you are going to treat me and my body as your personal property -wank on love'

Actually reading your post several times -this actually gives me the shivers. I totally support Gilbert who I quoted but you need to tell him to get off -on his own. I'd be resolving my marriage with a divorce.

PPs you are probably right. But sex can be complicated and for men having reluctant/not much/no sex with their wives who if they are faithful are their only option and watching those wives kids and cuddle and love their children. It's hard. I couldn't do it. Then it makes things worse and issues you could get through just get magnified.

I'm all very LTB in the right circs. And he sounds like a tosser. But the OP may not want to/be able to leave and if they carve out time to connect sexually then this behaviour may stop.

Though it did read like they have sex every day except for periods which is a lot. Is his sec drive really that high or is it as you say dominance?

She can't tell him to fuck off, (though I think it was needed a while ago)
This sounds like a very abusive relationship and she has to be careful. Please speak to a professional trained in abuse OP. Call a support line or ask a friend to.
Anything. But please be careful.

But sex can be complicated and for men having reluctant/not much/no sex with their wives who if they are faithful are their only option and watching those wives kids and cuddle and love their children. It's hard. I couldn't do it. Then it makes things worse and issues you could get through just get magnified

I can’t see any link between kissing and cuddling my children and having sex with my partner. There’s zero link between these two things for me.

I see what you're saying Vodka but i think you have it muddled up.
She shouldn't have to 'manage' him to keep his needs met. There is no respect there because men that abuse have no respect.
This will never change as he has deep rooted misogynistic opinions and issues.

This made me feel awful reading it, reminds me very much of my ex husband. This is not normal or acceptable, his behaviour is very wrong. Please don't let him treat you like this.

I think you have had a resounding response to this. I read your story and can completely empathise. In my case my ex DH was diagnosed with OCD after years of obsessive sexual behaviour. He also had other addictive traits, some he managed with help from support groups, some he did not. Underneath it all he had ( at that time undiagnosed) ASD.

Despite this hideous list he is actually a really nice chap and, although the last 4 years of our 22 year relationship were purely platonic at my insistence ( the last time I tried to lie back and think of england I felt like caving his head in), we have now separated very amicably and remain friends.

If your husband is decent and kind in every other way, you must insist on counselling. He must stop this behaviour at once. It is your body and he has no right to it. It is your gift to give or not as you choose.

If he is generally a bit of a controlling dick, get shot of him. Your children deserve a happy mum and you will never be able to be that person with such a man.

No way would I suggest counselling or anything but escaping from this arsehole as soon as possible.

Wow this is awful, you need to leave him! What an absolute prick!

Sounds really creepy. Never been with a man who showed any interest in my periods. I told them I was menstruating if relevant and that's it.

Why have you never stood up for yourself and told him to go fuck himself?

Why have you never told him that you don't want sex every day?

A well trodden pattern has now been established whereby he intimidates and to back down. This will be extremely difficult if not impossible to reverse.

I mean there's no way I would be married to someone like this cunty brat, but if you must the only way to even attempt to fix this is counselling.

Find your voice OP and fast.

Your period, your time and your body. Simple as that isn’t it?

@Aerial2020 I don't do 'muddled up'. If the whole thing is just LTB and the OP hasn't thought about other reasons/mitigating factors etc this is one of those reasons that for most people with various small children might not be enough on its own. So they won't leave and will end up defending him if just to themselves and then what?

It totally sounds like arsehole behaviour but as ever we only have one side and we also have one example. I've also made it pretty clear that even if this isn't completely one sided he needs to sort himself out. Hope I haven't confused you.

Of course I'm 90% convinced he's just a selfish fuckwit. But people stay with selfish fuckwits and if there's a way she can dilute some of his fuckwittery (or even just get more sleep!) then everyone's a winner.

Personally I'm all for sex when I've got my period but I don't take hormonal contraception. As long as it's good sex that is.

I wouldn't like this at all OP. I often turn my husband down when I'm too tired and I never feel like he's pestering me for sex. He knows I'm not a morning person and he wouldn't dare suggest it when I've just woken up! Your DH's behaviour is unacceptable and a real turn off.

This is awful, and I think his sexual coercion would be the end for me. Difficult with 4 children but if I felt my husbands only interest in me was as a convenient hole, I'd be looking for ways out. He sounds like a total shit with no concern for you at all.

He sounds horrible and I'm sorry you're going through this. LTB. Too many women stay in abusive relationships because of fear and the fact that abuse has been normalised. Like the bar is so low for men that some of them think because they don't abuse and rape women that they're such stand up guys when that should be the norm! He doesn't care about you or your pleasure. I'll never understand why men are so hung up on periods. If they had to deal with them, they would non stop complain and everything would come to a halt. It's a bodily function mate! He doesn't deserve to be anywhere near you.

I know excuses will be made for him (not by you, by others) because that's always the way on this forum but just don't acknowledge them. You know your own life and that you need to get out. He could become violent so please be careful. Best of luck.

I'm really sorry to hear of your experiences. This is where I was a few years ago. It is really degrading. I remember the sulking very clearly, he even said "you're always on your fucking period". Clearly that's not even remotely true.

Do you feel completely free, without fear of 'punishment', to say when he can touch you sexually? If you pointed out his sulking how would he react? Does your period also feel like a relief because whilst he will sulk he won't come knocking?

Is there anyone available to you who you can talk to? Friends or family? I second contacting rape crisis. Don't be put off by the name, they will understand.

You are entitled to define your own boundaries whether that is physical, emotional or mental. It is ok to say no to your partner. His reaction belongs to him not you. If he wants to make himself miserable because he feels entitled let him but don't let it bring you down.

I know it's hard to consider leaving when you feel like there's an 'easy solution' of just giving in to him because it seems so small (it's not but it's easy to minimise, it's not like he holds me down, I'm not giving him what he wants etc Etc etc) but respect and compassion for you and your body is a HUGE deal. It should be the foundation on which all other aspects of your relationship is built.

Keep sharing with us if it feels right and we will be happy to listen.