Husband not happy with sex life

[Mum0fF0ur]

I've found myself here after a google search lead me to an old thread titled My husband completely loses it when I have my period from March 2019. Reading through the replies was a real eye opener.

I almost feel like I'm here to justify my husband's behaviour, while asking for advice on how to deal with it. My husband does not completey lose it, nor does he get angry and shout at me, but he makes it known my period is an inconvenience for him and "our" sex life. I've been on the pill to skip periods due to low iron (my tubes are tied so don't need it as contraception). After 1-3 months I'd start to have a breakthrough bleed so I'd stop the pill and have my period come on to get it over and done with. Then restart the pill after my period. Almost each time he'd ask me if I skipped or missed my pills, as though I'd done it on purpose. I tried to explain about the breakthrough bleed/spotting starting on its own.

I stopped taking the pill in March to give my body a break from it so I'm back to my 28 day cycles. Yesterday we were out and I was looking in the car for a tampon, and he asks "seriously?". "Yes, I have my period. I need to find a bathroom at our next stop." His whole mood changed, he stopped making conversation and although he wasn't shouting or anything, I could tell he wasn't happy.

He tries it on almost every morning. I personally would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes! It's not unusual for me to be up a couple of times with our youngest two children. I just don't wake up in the mood? When I get up and go to walk out of the bedroom to start getting our kids up for school, he let's me know he was hoping for sex. A few times this results in doors being slammed when he gets up a few minutes after me.

Just curious if anyone else has been through this and came to a resolution to save their marriage. Thank you.

What a vile man

OP if you were my friend, in my living room right now telling me this....I would be planning with you how to get away and be free of this vile sex pest of a man.

You are not his sex toy and it worries me that you may be having sex with him to stop him from being a shitbag.

I have had a partner like this before and it's horribly degrading. Questions and sulks about being on my period. It led to me having to prove that I was bleeding, then to him checking my underwear because one time my perfectly normal vaginal discharge looked like sperm so he wanted to know who I had been sleeping with if not him.

I'm trying not to project but my god I feel very concerned reading your post. You need to get the hell out.

I had my tubes tied with my 4th child as she was born via c-section. This was 100% my choice.

Post-partum sex probably happened sooner than I was ready. I have had 3 c-sections so healing was different for those births, compared to the one vaginal birth that I had.

I don't hate sex, but our libidos are very mis-matched at the moment. I do find myself agreeing to it at times because it keeps the peace. Some days my youngest two are all over me wanting another hug, sitting on my lap etc, that by bedtime I just don't want to be touched anymore.

God, yes I had one of these. If he had been getting sex 24/7 he would have wanted it 25/8! Insisted on sex two weeks after births of my two kids, even though he said he was ok with waiting six weeks. The pressure was relentless although subtle. Even when he went off and had an affair, he was still after me for sex. So pleased I got rid.

My ex was like this. We were in holiday in Ibiza for two weeks, whilst there I got a really bad throat infection and the Dr put me on antibiotics, of course these affected my pill. My ex refused to use the pull out method or wear condoms. So he ignored me for a whole week, whilst on holiday as he couldn't / wouldn't have sex. This is one of the reasons he's an ex

I don't mind period sex, but his attitude of a strop over something that's natural and mostly unavoidable it weird. And it's your choice if you try and stop your period with pills etc, not his.

I'm not a morning person either, especially when it comes to sex, and being pestered then would really annoy me.

Men getting stroppy if they don't get sex whenever they want, or the particular sex acts they want, is coercive and abuse.

Life free of it is wonderful.

He’s angry at you for having biological functions outside of your control? Um... Next time he’s doing a poo on the loo, burst in on him and let him know how frustrated you are that you now have to clean the toilet again.

I do find myself agreeing to it at times because it keeps the peace.

You might find it instructive to have a conversation with a counsellor at Rape Crisis.

i would have wielded a le cruset saucepan round the back of his head long before now and filed for divorce.
I had a sex pest husband and we're divorced, I don't have time for that shit.
I want to be treated like a human being not a vagina on legs for his convenience.

I don't know how you tolerate this OP. Do you not get angry at his behavior? I couldn't live like this.

Oh gross. What a vile man. I bloody hate morning sex and I'd never do it to keep the peace.

This is a form of abuse and control. I bet he doesn't even pull his weight with the kids and house.

I can’t believe what I’m reading. I can’t believe there are men like this who actually exist.
What on earth does he expect you to do about a normal, natural bodily function?
I’d be telling him to piss off until he drops the ridiculous attitude.

He may not shout at you but what he does is way more manipulative. The whole mood swing and "inconvenience" attitude is manipulation 101!

Do you share a body? No! Therefore he has no say in what you do with your body. It is as simple as that.

I could spend hours telling you how this is not OK but deep down you know it is not OK otherwise you wouldn't question it.

Actually OP jollity about saucepans aside your post makes me feel deeply deeply depressed. My sex pest husband and his rapey behaviour made me feel so depressed I contemplated suicide several times.
I'm disabled but had to go to work full time because he's a complete slough and instead of helping me mow the lawn, wash up, lift heavy things he just sat around and when it came to bedtime I was absolutely shattered my opioid intake shot up and then I'd get the "we need to talk about the lack of sex" and the mauling until the early hours of the morning so I'd go to work exhausted the next day.
One dya I just walked out and spent 2 weeks with my mother, I didn't even tell anyone or even work where i'd gone. I felt close to a breakdown.
I remember driving off, buying a bottle of wine, drinking all of it (I don't drink) and sleeping it off in my car overnight before driving to my mothers. In my NHS uniform.
Other times i'd look at my medication and think have I got enough to finish it.
I thought I was over all of this but recently when a man I didn't know touched my arm, presumably to steady me, I absolutely freaked out.
I'll never live with another man again.
As another poster said, would you think this was acceptable is someone was doing this to your daughter?

This is truly awful to read OP. You’re minimising horribly how terrible this is. Imagine it were your daughter married to such an awful man, what would you say to her? I hope the replies on here are the wake up call you need to leave this piece of shit. Imagine how it would feel to wake up every morning without him there pressuring you for sex.

Eugghh... He's treating you like his squeak toy.

OP reading this has made me feel so sad and my heart goes out to you, it really does.

How dare he change his behaviour, slam doors and not speak to you because you got your period or because you haven't had sex with him on a morning.

You are a woman and deserve to be treated with respect, not as some sort of device to satisfy his needs whenever HE wants it.

I hope you manage to find a solution

Ugh there are few things worse then a sex pest husband. Divorce him and get your life back.

@Mum0fF0ur Post-partum sex probably happened sooner than I was ready

This is enough all by itself to LTB!

Op, hope you are well. As a thinking and breathing human, I guess it's impossible to feel the same emotion everytime he feels like it. Do you ever say no? Did it go well at all when you said no in the past?

@Plusher

I do find myself agreeing to it at times because it keeps the peace.

You might find it instructive to have a conversation with a counsellor at Rape Crisis.

I second this. I can imagine you're fighting against a sense of loyalty to him to really realise this but your husband is abusive.

chat.womensaid.org.uk/

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/

This is awful OP. I think it’s become normal to you so you don’t want to see it as emotionally and sexually abusive. I bet you are sitting there thinking “maybe I made it sound worse than it is, I haven’t painted a balanced pictures, people don’t realise he can be really loving” etc etc etc
Truth is, if you aren’t able to say no without sulking then how enthusiastic is your consent? At best, he doesn’t have respect for you as someone who has complete bodily autonomy.
I worry at worst, you could even have experienced rape which you wouldn’t want to call that but non the less is what legally is the situation if someone has sex with you when you didn’t want to and tried to express that.

He'd be my ex husband. Text book abusive.

@00Sassy please remember you didn't let anything happen. You were the victim in an abusive relationship. What you describe is rape. You are not accountable for any of his atrocious behaviour.

Ewww

You sound like a walking talking sex doll. Only there to serve him whenever he wants

I couldn’t stay married to someone like that