Husband not happy with sex life

[Mum0fF0ur]

I've found myself here after a google search lead me to an old thread titled My husband completely loses it when I have my period from March 2019. Reading through the replies was a real eye opener.

I almost feel like I'm here to justify my husband's behaviour, while asking for advice on how to deal with it. My husband does not completey lose it, nor does he get angry and shout at me, but he makes it known my period is an inconvenience for him and "our" sex life. I've been on the pill to skip periods due to low iron (my tubes are tied so don't need it as contraception). After 1-3 months I'd start to have a breakthrough bleed so I'd stop the pill and have my period come on to get it over and done with. Then restart the pill after my period. Almost each time he'd ask me if I skipped or missed my pills, as though I'd done it on purpose. I tried to explain about the breakthrough bleed/spotting starting on its own.

I stopped taking the pill in March to give my body a break from it so I'm back to my 28 day cycles. Yesterday we were out and I was looking in the car for a tampon, and he asks "seriously?". "Yes, I have my period. I need to find a bathroom at our next stop." His whole mood changed, he stopped making conversation and although he wasn't shouting or anything, I could tell he wasn't happy.

He tries it on almost every morning. I personally would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes! It's not unusual for me to be up a couple of times with our youngest two children. I just don't wake up in the mood? When I get up and go to walk out of the bedroom to start getting our kids up for school, he let's me know he was hoping for sex. A few times this results in doors being slammed when he gets up a few minutes after me.

Just curious if anyone else has been through this and came to a resolution to save their marriage. Thank you.

[Livandme]

This is no way to live op. He is truly awful.

[SummerWhisper]

This is utter, controlling, creepy, perverted, oppressive abuse. You are already worn down by him. You can't see it. As soon as you talk to people in real life, the lightbulb will go on...he is a nasty man.

Start to think about life without him. Make it a goal. This is so, so wrong.

[SummerWhisper]

This is utter, controlling, creepy, perverted, oppressive abuse. You are already worn down by him. You can't see it. As soon as you talk to people in real life, the lightbulb will go on...he is a nasty man.

Start to think about life without him. Make it a goal. This is so, so wrong.

[ittakes2]

You know this is not right - that’s why you are asking. Sex aside - I find it hard to believe a man who is so disrespectful to you about this is a perfect gent about the other aspects of your relationship. Is he controlling in other ways too?

[Ivebeenthinkingtoomuch]

Posts are definitely disappearing, I’ve posted and it’s gone.
Hope you’re doing ok OP?

[Carouselfish]

What an absolute arsehole. What does he think women are?! I'd be tempted to act the same everytime he grows stubble on his face or something equally fucking normal and natural. But he sounds like such a dolt it probably wouldnt register.

[LemonPeonies]

@NoMoreDickheads it's like anything gets in the way of them getting their sex they can't handle it and throw tantrums! It's so entitled isn't it. He also used to show me articles and programs about how women owe men sex and in Russia etc they just have to give them sex, it was like a veiled threat. So glad I fucked him off and am now with a respectful and kind man (who is much hotter too)!

[NoMoreDickheads]

I find my posts seem to vanish sometimes! @LemonPeonies Yep, I had one get me to stop anti-ds too. He didn't get any more sex as I got so miserable and had no libido as a result.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Weird and creepy.. looking in the bins??

You won't get him into counselling OP. Men like this don't do counselling.

[cuteglasses]

I've already posted on this thread but after the OPs latest posts I feel so utterly disgusted by this vile pig of a man.
Your body, OP. Yours.

[LemonPeonies]

My exH pressured me into coming off my anti depressants early as apparently I wasn't as up for it and was always drowsy in the mornings. He pretended to have sexsomnia for a year so he could get away with sexual assault during the night. Then when trying for a baby he suddenly went off sex and wondered why I didn't get pregnant! It was a weapon he liked to use. Leave. It will not improve.

[FranCan]

this is borderline abusive, i think your husband has a serious problem with sex addiction and needs to speak to a professional

[Happygirl79]

Why are you allowing yourself to be used like this?
Do you have low self esteem? Speak to your GP for advice

[IM0GEN]

Ah, I’ve just seen you are not in the UK. So Uk law not relevant.

Still not ok. It might not be illegal where you live but it’s still immoral and controlling.

[IM0GEN]

This behaviour is not ok. It’s very controlling.

Coercive control is a criminal offence .

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

I’m not sure that counselling for him will work, even if he agrees to go. He doenst see anything wrong with his behaviours. He will just lie to the Counsellor and what they say will reinforce his view that he’s right and you are wrong.

Or he will come back and tell you lies about what the counsellor said, to get you to do what he wants.

“ My counsellor said that men have needs and any other woman would be glad to have her hisband show so much interest in her”. Etc etc

Joint counselling isn’t recommend where there’s a Abuse. Most reputable organisations will in fact refuse to see you togther.

However counselling for you alone is a great idea and you should start ASAP.

I’d also recommmed the Freedom Programme. You can do it online although it’s much better to go to a group if you can.

[forsucksfake]

I dealt with this in a relationship- moaning and pouting and sighs and angry hisses: "isn't it over yet?"

Dreadful and oppressive and bullying and cruel. I hope you can get out of this marriage, OP. It really is no way to live.

[Mum0fF0ur]

I'm not in the UK, but thank you for the offer. I have a supportive family that I can reach out to.

[CodenameVillanelle]

I'm not trying to pressure you, just checking in with what you need. Sometimes these threads can run for ages with the OP saying more and more awful things her partner has done and lots of people saying how awful they are and that's all she needs at that time. But if you want help to exit then we can help.

[pomdownunder1]

Oh, this sounds awful. Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. I think by now you’ll realise that this isn’t normal and even though he isn’t shouting at you, it is still abuse. What would happen if you had an off week where you didn’t feel great or blank out refused sex for a week? What would be the consequences of that?
I can’t believe he goes rummaging through the bins for your tampon wrappers 😦 it sounds like he truly has a problem to be that obsessed. Good luck OP x

[Mirrorsin]

He's a sex pest. He won't go for counselling because he doesn't think he has a problem. I would highly recommend counselling/psychotherapy for you though, to help you see him for what he is and to support you in whatever steps you decide to take

[Stiffkeyandpink]

I was married to a man like this OP, divorced but deeply regret I didn't do it sooner x

[CowsGoBaaaaa]

What a sex pest, he’s treating you like a toilet he has the right to take a dump in. This is not part of a loving respectful relationship.

[NoMoreDickheads]

Oh OP.

I'll be interested to hear what he says when you suggest counselling (if you suggest it particularly for his weirdness about periods, or him trying to sexually coerce you) as I doubt he will think there's anything wrong with him. These men think their behaviour is ok, at least until there are consequences for their actions.