Husband not happy with sex life

[Mum0fF0ur]

I've found myself here after a google search lead me to an old thread titled My husband completely loses it when I have my period from March 2019. Reading through the replies was a real eye opener.

I almost feel like I'm here to justify my husband's behaviour, while asking for advice on how to deal with it. My husband does not completey lose it, nor does he get angry and shout at me, but he makes it known my period is an inconvenience for him and "our" sex life. I've been on the pill to skip periods due to low iron (my tubes are tied so don't need it as contraception). After 1-3 months I'd start to have a breakthrough bleed so I'd stop the pill and have my period come on to get it over and done with. Then restart the pill after my period. Almost each time he'd ask me if I skipped or missed my pills, as though I'd done it on purpose. I tried to explain about the breakthrough bleed/spotting starting on its own.

I stopped taking the pill in March to give my body a break from it so I'm back to my 28 day cycles. Yesterday we were out and I was looking in the car for a tampon, and he asks "seriously?". "Yes, I have my period. I need to find a bathroom at our next stop." His whole mood changed, he stopped making conversation and although he wasn't shouting or anything, I could tell he wasn't happy.

He tries it on almost every morning. I personally would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes! It's not unusual for me to be up a couple of times with our youngest two children. I just don't wake up in the mood? When I get up and go to walk out of the bedroom to start getting our kids up for school, he let's me know he was hoping for sex. A few times this results in doors being slammed when he gets up a few minutes after me.

Just curious if anyone else has been through this and came to a resolution to save their marriage. Thank you.

[vikingwife]

Yes stop telling her to have sex while on the rag - it sounds like the only peace she gets & the only way he will accept a no.

[vikingwife]

Yes would also be interested to know his behaviour during post birth healing stage.

I am so passionate about sex pests being the rapists we don’t realise. We see sexual assault as being a violent act. Have come to realise rape doesn’t have to go down that way.

They never see their behaviour as inappropriate because they believe having a gf/wife comes with certain entitlements. He will believe it is impossible for a husband to rape his wife. I guarantee it.

[namesnames]

This is upsetting to read, God knows how you actually feel living with it.

Slamming doors? WTF?

He doesn't seem to give a shit about your sex life, only his is important.

[IM0GEN]

He’s sounds horrible and abusive. I’d be planning an exit strategy - I know it’s hard with 4 children.

[FabulouslyElegantTits]

Do you enjoy sex with him?

[JustC]

I think sex on your period is just a tip of an iceberg, not the actual issue here. He manipulates/guilts you into sex. That is not ok no matter how long you have been together or that you are married or whatever the relationship.

[Bubbletrouble43]

He sounds like an utter bastard. To me this is abusive. I found this thread whilst in tears considering ending my relationship because my dp this morning got arsey about the fact we haven't had sex in 2 months. He took what sounded like a dictatorial tone and made me feel like he feels entitled to sex with me. I'm having a hard think about whether I'm overreacting because I have been raped ( he is unaware of this) and this is the first time in over 5 years he has ever behaved like this. Your husband I would doubtless have kicked to the kerb long ago. No way I could put up with that level of someone's feeling of entitlement over my body.

[IdblowJonSnow]

This is sad reading OP.
Sounds very much like abusive behaviour. Sex every day? How often do you want it? The sulking and slamming is childish and horrible and designed to put you on edge.

[AllsortsofAwkward]

OP that is just not normal behaviour. What would you say to you're dd if she was writing this.

[Aerial2020]

This is power and control and abuse.

Please talk to someone like Womens aid as I bet he's controlling in other ways too.

[NameChangeNugget]

OP, he sounds abusive. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[JabbaTheHuut]

Op his attitude towards you sounds very unhealthy. Its all about him and what he wants. you say youve had your tubes tied, was this for contraception purposes?

[00Sassy]

OP my ex husband was like this.
He also used to think I was lying about being on my period to avoid sex and would make me show him that I was bleeding.
Extremely degrading.

He felt he was entitled to have sex with me whenever he wanted.

Many times I’d wake up hungover from a way too many drinks to find he’d had sex with me whilst I was (I realise now) probably passed out in bed (I used to drink loads when we went out, get totally off my face. Only now I realise that he very much encouraged this)
He would tell me I’d been really up for it, offered sex on a plate etc.

He’s been my ex husband for a long time now but I still can’t believe I let it happen.

[Irishprincess]

Wow I have to say his behaviour has shocked me just reading it. Totally baffling, I don't think anyone would be in the mood with someone treating them like that. I agree with PPs you are not his sex toy

[RantyAnty]

Do you actually want to have sex with him?

[HollowTalk]

This is really upsetting to read. He sounds absolutely horrible.

[cuteglasses]

He sounds horrible

[ednatheevilwitch]

He sounds very much like my soon to be ex husband. I am now divorcing and being support by rape crisis. This is coercion and sexual abuse. This will be causing you harm and probably leave you traumatised like it has me. The longer it goes on the less you will like him. He probably won't change. So sorry op.

[DonaldJTrumpet]

Why are you stopping the pill when you have a breakthrough bleed? Which pill are you on? This doesn't sound right.

I am on rigevidon which is a combined pill and take this with no breaks. This has been confirmed as ok by my GP and my consultant gynaecologist who I am seeing for other issues.

I cannot understand how a grown man thinks it is acceptable to go in a mood with his wife because she has a period. Is he a dick otherwise?

[Bookoffacts]

Sorry if this is sensitive but why are your tubes tied rather than him having the snip?
It's a much simpler procedure for him. Did he control this too?

[JabbaTheHuut]

@Bookoffacts that was my thought too

[threesmallcows]

OP this is really upsetting to read,

He sound totally selfish with no respect or regard for you and your biology.

For context, when I have a period my husband makes sure I've got enough tampons and pain killers. I can't imagine him every moaning about it.

[FurbabyLife]

He sounds like a total sex pest. Time to put your foot down BIG TIME! This is not OK, it’s abusive and it’s controlling.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

If I were you I would stop taking hormonal contraception. Let your body return to its natural state. It’ll be a lot better for you. I’d also take sex of the table completely until he learned to respect you. Better yet, leave him!

[wizzbangfizz]

How often do you actually want to have sex? Are morning quickies what you want? Is he tender and loving at other times. I agree with other posters this is disturbing to read.

[Isthisfinallyit]

Gosh, how can you be with such a man? To me this is a type of rape, he knows you don't want sex but pressures you anyway.