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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling sad

306 replies

SissyLongStockings · 13/06/2020 02:12

Hi all.
Just needed a handhold really. Going through the stages of being heartbroken and on my own.
Always wake up this time of night missing him. Then cant get back to sleep.
I get that horrible wave of sadness and gut churnning knowing I will never see him again.
When will it end?

OP posts:
Msgiggles30 · 16/06/2020 23:48

I dont sleep much either but headspace app is helping me. I have historical sleep paralysis anyway so the waking now thinking there is something in my room is getting worse!

Sadlonely · 17/06/2020 00:59

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Mermaidwaves · 17/06/2020 01:34

I'm still awake just asking myself why he cant feel the same way, I would give anything for him to tell me he wants me too. I just cant seem to move on and accept it.

namechangedforthis123456 · 17/06/2020 07:15

Sorry to hear you had a bad night mermaid. I didn't sleep well.

Well, after I decided I wasn't going to sext with him anymore as I want a relationship and not just sex, he calls me a slag. I figured as much, he's annoyed because he is no longer getting what he wants.
There's not much to get over for me, he was an idiot from day one. I'm just grieving for the person I thought he was, the one he pretended to be. Problem is for some reason I'm still so attracted to him....!!

I have to face him today at work. I told him not to come near me

namechangedforthis123456 · 17/06/2020 07:15

I thought about calling in sick but I've already had sick time in the last 2 months.

namechangedforthis123456 · 17/06/2020 08:27

I'm sat at work with earplugs in.. so I can't hear him speaking. It's like I'm here but not really.. like I'm in a bubble.
I don't feel good today

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mermaidwaves · 17/06/2020 12:47

Namechanged I am so sorry he called you that, and that you have to see him at work, I cant imagine how hard that must be.
Newlife that is such a positive story, I cant imagine feeling strong like that again as I just feel sick everyday with anxiety about this. Its great to hear about people coming out the other side.

toucancancan · 17/06/2020 12:57

It will get easier. I am a month down the line from a breakup in isolation and the first ten days were tough. However now I am feeling more like myself and have a positive future planned. A key thing is do not wallow for too soon, you need to go through the seven stages of relationship breakdown. If you google these, you will have a framework and start to understand where you are/which stage you are at (they don't all follow the same pattern). If you need a distraction try to get outside in the fresh air and exercise. Find a good boxset you can immerse yourself in/care about the characters/feel a connection with. It will give you something to think about when you are trying to fall asleep, or wake up in the early hours. And above all delete their number and everything they have sent you.

toucancancan · 17/06/2020 12:58

Also keep a diary of how you feel, you may notice you start to feel 10 per cent better each day, which is encouraging, and you will have faith you will get over this period into brighter times.

Whatalife14 · 17/06/2020 13:07

I think I need to join this thread I’m a couple of weeks out from finding my partner on a dating site. It isn’t getting any easier. I still cry when I hear a song, his name or even just think about him. I deleted his number and messages so I can’t reach out to him. I’m just broken from losing the life that I thought we were going to have together. I’m sorry we are all in this situation Flowers

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 13:54

@Mermaidwaves I’m trying to keep positive and thought it would be good to share a bit of “we can do this” motivation this morning and what I have done to try and get over the hideous anxiety and panic stage x

toucancancan · 17/06/2020 14:00

@Newlife197 You are amazing total admiration for how you are dealing with this.

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 14:02

@Whatalife14 I know what you mean, it took so much courage to walk away from a very difficult marriage, then I met this amazing man who adored me and promised to always love and cherish me. One day I had 3 holidays and was cooking a roast in his kitchen and the next I’m on my own wondering about the unfairness of it and why I don’t ever seem to find a happy ending when other people seem to sail through life being adored by every man they cross paths with.

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 14:07

@toucancancan thank you, believe me I still drunk half a bottle of gin, sobbed into a pillow and wailed for a couple of evenings. But, we just have to pick ourselves up, look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you are worthy, good enough and lovable and then get through another day Smile x

toucancancan · 17/06/2020 14:08

@newlife197 It must be hard because you didn't have a disagreement, argument, big hurdle etc, that was a firm reason for separating. I keep recommending on here to listen to Jay Shetty who has strong, clear and positive advice for moving on. He can help you pinpoint why someone wasn't right for you, and what you can learn from this to use in the future.

Bathbedandbeyond · 17/06/2020 14:13

OP, you were me just over a year ago. Heartbroken doesn’t even come close. I lost three stone and genuinely believed I’d never get over him but I have met and fallen in love with the love of my life. The original realised that he couldn’t replace me and constantly tries to reach out to me and tells mutual friends how much he misses me and how he’ll never get over me. I’ve got closure and I’m madly in love. Remember, this heartbroken phase is just a phase. Time heals all.

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 14:14

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toucancancan · 17/06/2020 14:43

You're welcome @newlife I have just been through something similar, and separated during lockdown. The time apart has helped me see things clearly though, and I now know we weren't suitable for longterm partners. I did gain so much knowledge and experience that I'm going to use to make me happier in my own life and one day to meet someone new and more suitable.

Doingitaloneandproud · 17/06/2020 15:32

Oh ladies I'm so sorry we're all in the same boat, it truly is a sucky boat too! I'm like you all, one minute I'm singing along to break up songs about being fine without him (It makes me fee better Blush) then the next I looked at his Instagram. He isn't even public on it, but I can see he deleted all but 4 of his pictures, no idea what he's doing or who with. I know it isn't my business and tbh it was my bday yesterday and I didn't hear from him. I know I'm probably pathetic but I really had a little bit of hope he would at least say happy birthday. I really am pathetic.

I need to just forget him, I've had to lock down my Instagram as some random person started liking my recent pic, the only person we have in common is the ex so it brought it back

Ive wiped my phone mostly but god sometimes I wish it would just flash his number. At least hopefully soon we can start doing things again. When the gyms open I think it'll help as that's my normal distraction tool.

How are you all doing today? Everyone okay? Can't imagine seeing the ex at work, that would be incredibly difficult! Sad

Newlife197 · 17/06/2020 16:13

@Doingitaloneandproud you are definitely not pathetic. I would have been hoping for a happy birthday message too if I’m honest and would have been disappointed with nothing.

I made the mistake of looking at his FB and seeing he signed up for something on the date we were due to be flying out on holiday and that was like another dagger through the heart, so I have stopped looking.

It definitely is horrible for us all and having to go through the stress of seeing him at work must make every day that bit worse. Keep singing along to those songs.

Doingitaloneandproud · 17/06/2020 17:23

Thanks @Newlife197 I really did think he'd have at least sent a text but then my last text to him was quite rude when I said i know I'm better than him, so I guess not. I would have sent him a message regardless though

I bet that was so painful, it is so bloody hard seeing things isn't it? Are you still friends on social media? In a way I'm glad I'm not, as I would be looking all the time but then I also think I just want to know the girl he's got now, no idea why as I'll just compare myself!

Hopefully soon we will be past this stage and moving forward.. I just really do miss him random phone calls telling me what he ate during the day... weird thing to miss lol

Knucklehead101 · 17/06/2020 17:52

That's what confuses me - literally two weeks ago my dd was teasing me because he would ring/message me so much and now he wants rid of me. She said "ooh he cant leave you alone". Hes done exactly that.

Frauhubert · 17/06/2020 18:24

Can I join please? I am in a bit of a different situation. I am married and happy in my marriage. But every now and again I get overwhelmed with this heartbreaking feeling of sadness and missing my ex, whom I am still friends with and I’d left him for my now husband. I have had pretty bad last few days when I catch myself bursting into tears, lying wide awake at night, feeling guilty, missing my old life, making things look better in my head than they were.
We chat/text every day. There is no erotic feelings from either side, but I love him so much, like you love you dad or brother. I think I am grieving for my old life, which wasn’t even that good. We were not a good match. But still, I am sat here crying my eyes out and reminiscing.

Doingitaloneandproud · 17/06/2020 18:32

@Knucklehead101 that's the mind boggling thing isn't it?! My ex told me the night before I was his future, the only person he wanted to be with and how much he loved me. Then was a different person the next day. It amazes me

I should be over it by now I know, he is, but I just really loved him. Crazy isn't it