Feeling sad

[SissyLongStockings]

Hi all.
Just needed a handhold really. Going through the stages of being heartbroken and on my own.
Always wake up this time of night missing him. Then cant get back to sleep.
I get that horrible wave of sadness and gut churnning knowing I will never see him again.
When will it end?

I haven't cried once today! And I've made a Fuck You playlist!

Been watching this thread, probably could do with starting one of my own, but lots of very similar issues, it's all complicated, but reading this and sending hugs to everyone.
Will get strength to write my own post at some point, don't feel able to right now so been reading this one and it's helped a bit. Just wanted to join in with the hand holding I guess

Ps read that pdf link on what does he do that.. sorry can't remember who posted it. Cried reading it. It's basically my DH. Just don't know where to go from here. Two young kids, no family near, got laid off during pandemic so no job, nowhere to go. Feeling stuck and miserable. I know marriage should end. But it's hard to say it out loud when I'm calm. I still love him and want the good times to outnumber the shit ones but having read that pdf I don't think they ever will. It all feels impossible right now.

Part of me wishes it was shit 100% of the time the it's easy decision. Or if he hit me. Line drawn (I know how wrong that sounds). It's emotional abuse and I'm starting to realise maybe I wasn't crazy after all...

Hand hold @geekatheart.

That's great @Knucklehead101, I don't think I have cried today either (but I have slept most of the day) what's on your playlist?
I need to add to mine, going to put it on and do some housework. I really have let it go lately.

Just to add to that, I've let myself go too.
I'm long over due a hair wash and to change my bed sheets. I'm just really not bothered about anything. I'm really stuck in a rut of just sitting and wallowing, I know this situation doesn't help but boy I need to get a grip.

Here's my playlist. I didnt want anything even remotely sad. Very very hard day as went to town with DD and passed all of the shops and cafes we used to like going into. Broke my heart all over again. Baby steps.

Thank you both, I will add those.
Here's my current list 🤗

Hugs @Knucklehead101 hopefully next time won't be as painful. turn that play list up.

Forgot to add the playlist

Well I just got dumped. Absolutely heartbroken so have come to join.

I can't even rage as it was for the completely noble reason that his kid wasn't ready and he had to put her first.

When I think about never seeing or talking to him it's like I can't breathe. I was so in love with him, like nothing I'd felt before.

Welcome derelict
Im so sorry you're going through it too
I've been checking his whatsapp and hes been online since 6pm . It has to be a woman he's talking to, he used to spend all evening talking to me. I keep trying to distract myself and my ex is here visiting the kids which is making me feel a million times worse. Will I ever feel happy again?

Will you consider blocking on WhatsApp and delete his number so you can't see? @Mermaidwaves

I am going to block and delete tonight. Have already cleared all chat so I don't go back and reread. I know if just use it to fuel the sadness

DerelictI've cleared all our chat but I cant bring myself to block and delete although I know I should. Its that tiny grain of hope he might change his mind and contact me. Its pathetic I know.

@Mermaidwaves why not at least delete then you can't check if he's online but he'll be able to message if he wants?

I suppose I'm not ready to stop stalking him its not helping I realise that, but its still a link to him. I can honestly say I've not found it this hard to get over a man before.

Evening Ladies how have you all been today?
Ive really tried to keep busy today but when he comes to the front of my mind im just accepting the hurt. Acknowledge hes there and carry on. @ Mermaid I dont think im ready to stop stalking mine ( hes not even mine anymore!)
Hi Derelict mine finished with me for the same reason. I accepted it kind of but the more i think about it i think he wanted to end it a few months before he did. There was a lot going on but at the end of the day he just wasnt invested completley in the relationship like i was. If he was he would have talked to me and we would have faced it together. I think he had limerence maybe but i really fell in love with him. Hope your all okay tonight ladies. Im in for another sleepless night.

Sissy the stalking is a hard habit to break isnt it? It makes me feel close to him in some weird way, I know at some point I have to stop it but I just cant. I'm going to be sleepless tonight too as its been a particularly hard day today. What I dont understand is why this hurts more than when my marriage ended. I had a very abusive marriage so was relieved when it was over, I only knew this guy a few months and its torn my heart out.

Hi Mermaid did this guy treat you better in the months you were together than your husband in your marriage?
Ive stopped driving past his place but i get what you mean by feeling closer to him. Ive got a pic of him on my phone and looking at it breaks me again so i try not to but its nice to know its there.

Thanks for the playlists ladies! Music is definitely good for the soul! I totally understand the stalking thing mine literally just uses text these days so I have nothing to stalk. I loathe to admit it but hes disappeared on me before and I went a bit crazy back then and would drive past the house! 6 years later I'm not going to do that now but keep getting tempted to text at night sort of like where have you disappeared to and if you've met someone else why not just be straight with me. After 6 years of on/off and knowing eachother over 10 youd think he could be slightly decent and just tell me rather than ghost! Then at night I tell myself maybe hes ill or something but I know its crap! I am fine in the day as busy with work but its once bedtime comes. I live alone no children etc.

I have cleared all our chat to so I cant count days and read back. I think its important to do that x

Honestly i think it is the shock from him saying things like were going to get married and introducing the kids. I met his mum dad sisters. We were looking at houses together talking about getting a dog. The whole family thing. To no contact at all. I mean what the hell? Who does that to someone?

@Msgiggles30
Yes night time is the worst. I try and sleep but it doesnt happen and if it does not for long.

I was dumped at the weekend after almost two years. It came as a complete surprise.
We never defined what we had as he didn't want to label us. He said he felt I now wanted more and he couldn't give me that. I've been reading an awful lot of blogs about "situationships", and I've realised this is exactly what we had. That's actually helped me make sense of everything.
I did text him on Monday and told him everything that was going round in my head. He hasn't replied.
He's had a stressful time with work, and I know when he is stressed he shuts down. I think that because our relationship changed because of lockdown (no more days out and weekends away just phone and video calls) it all became too difficult for him. Maybe too much of a commitment. The stress at work added to that and so I was moved to the "too difficult pile". And the easiest thing to do was get rid of me.
I am gutted. We had a great time together. But having read about situationships I can see that we were probably never going to last anyway.

I'm sorry to hear of everyone else's break ups. It's not what we need during lockdown, but hopefully we will all come out stronger.

I just dont understand how they can just do if either. Its cruel and it's hard to admit it to yourself but some people can put on bloody good front too and tell you all what you want to hear whilst not really having those intentions.