Hubby says no more kids

[AnonX2]

Hubby says “no” to any more kids. As it stands we have two amazing children. I am desperate for another child whilst he cannot see past the additional expenses this will incur. I have started to resent him; how can we ever be happy again when one of us is conceding/sacrificing on something so major? Advice?

[IJustWantSomeBees]

Wow people are being so rude to you, I think lockdown no. 2 has got everyone's backs up!

You are valid to be upset that your DH has changed his mind and you are valid to be asking for advice for getting past the hurt/resentment. Ignore all these self-important tools

[MrsTerryPratchett]

at the same time, we don’t use protection and he hasn’t got the snip.

I would make it very plain that you won't be aborting any pregnancy and say exactly what I said to DH, "I wouldn't put the person who wants another child in charge of contraception".

[AnonX2]

@MrsTerryPratchett good point! But now he just avoids having sex with me entirely so I guess that is his method of contraception... this is what I mean when I say the resentment is building.

[AnonX2]

@IJustWantSomeBees thanks so much! Appreciate your comment 😊

[LilyLongJohn]

Your need for another child doesn't trump his need to not have another.

You have got a few options here though.

You stay and make peace with fact you'll have 2 children

You leave and become a single Mum and hope you find someone who wants to have a child and is happy to take on your two dc also

You leave and have another child via sperm donor

[DBML]

Hi op, I’m in your husbands position (my husband desperately wants a second child, but I don’t. Our son is a teen and I am enjoying having a life again).

When my husband starts to want to talk about another child, I can see how emotional he’s getting and I know he feels upset. I feel equally annoyed with him, for piling on the pressure. So both you and your husband are possibly feeling the same way and it’s not healthy.

As unfair as it feels, to bring a child into the world when one parent has explicitly said they don’t want them, is not a good start to any little person’s life.

So how do you get past this? Acceptance. Come to terms now, with the fact it’s not going to happen. Don’t bring it up again. Don’t think about it and enjoy the two you have. If the youngest asks for a baby sibling, tell her that mummy and daddy love her so much, they don’t need anymore babies. Nip it in the bud. That’s what I did with my son and he’s fine, hasn’t hurt him at all.

I understand it’s disappointing, but the alternative is dropping a grenade into your family, so time to let it go.

[harper30]

I get you OP, people have been pretty harsh here, you can't help wanting what you want, and I think biology can sometimes make that feel like a pretty intense need for another baby. I'm in a vaguely similar position; we have one DC currently and DP doesn't really even want a second just because he was an only child and was perfectly happy, and doesn't like the idea that it risks upsetting the nice balance we have currently. I on the other hand AM going to have another baby at some point in life, fate/biology allowing, I've never wanted just one DC. It is all on hold for now anyway due to some medical issues on my part, that hopefully can be resolved, but I've been pretty upfront with him and have said that if he puts his foot down I'll respect his wishes completely, but I'll also almost certainly leave him.
I sound like an unhinged loon, but sometimes you know what you want and there's not much that can change it. It's all very well saying 'reverse' the situation and imagine someone tried to force you to have a baby but it's not the same when it's the woman who wants to have another child, you know the risks and the sacrifice and the pain that pregnancy/childbirth can have and if it's still all you want, then you have the option to leave him/find another way of having another baby.
Will leave this here for all of the previous commenters to shred to pieces and call me whatever names they like 😂 but if you and I were friends and having a real conversation, this is what I would say to you in real life, whether that's the most ethical opinion to have, who knows, but it's how I feel at the moment too. Good luck either way OP, maybe in time we'd both get over the desire for another one? Who knows.

[EarthSight]

If you have 2 amazing children then try to see the positives in that. I probably won't have any children now.

You assume that a third child would complete your family and be another positive, but it might not. Children can have very different personalities for one thing and many can pick up on if they weren't wanted by one parent.

Your husband sounds like he's being very sensible to me. I think what you are finding difficult is closing the door on motherhood, but please don't make your husband resent being a parent. I've seen first hand how a 3rd child can really drain a parent who was not invested in it. If you really want another child, you better split up with him if it's going to be a huge issue for you.