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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Handhold for Paternity Test Results

119 replies

WorriedaboutDNA · 09/06/2020 10:27

Good morning all. Long time poster, name changed for obvious reason but please can I ask for no judgement.

Long story short, I have a 2 year old son with a man who I am no longer with. It was always a very volatile and nasty relationship from his side. I am a Solicitor by trade and always thought I was a strong and independent woman, but he turned me into a needy, weak person I didn't know.

We eventually separated and it was the best thing ever. I feel free and alive and wonderful. He saw I was doing great and started windling his way in again. He talked me into meeting up and we ended up in bed for 2 days. I was on the pill, there was no use of condom. 2 weeks later my period was late and a test showed I was pregnant. Cutting a very long story short, after tooing and froing we decided to try and give things a go. We moved in together, he cheated, we separated last year and I eventually got my own place 6 months ago. I feel wonderful again and am loving life with just my son.

Ex hasn't taken it well. He feels he has a right to be with me and I have said no numerous times. This is where he kicked off and asked for a DNA test. No problem I say, until I remembered something...

5 days before the 2 day rendezvous with now ex, I had a bit of thing with a guy from work. It was a very random and unexpected quickie and he didn't use a condom, but he pulled out and did his business elsewhere so to speak. It was so quick and rubbish, I genuinely didn't even consider that there is a chance this man could be the father. So now I am absolutely crapping myself.

This man, whilst a crap father, has a lovely extended family who love and support our son and its these people I don't want to hurt if the result goes the wrong way.

So the result is due in between 4.30 and 5.30 today. My stomach is in absolute knots. I feel sick, terrified that the result will go the wrong way. I feel absolutely awful that I have put myself in the situation.

Please, I just need a handhold, not a lecture :(

OP posts:
Dinosauraddict · 09/06/2020 10:29

Handhold from me, I hope you and your son get the answer you want... Thanks

KinkyFink · 09/06/2020 10:31

Handhold from me OP, I'm in a similar situation with 2 possible fathers but I've only just found out I'm pregnant by some miracle, since 8 years ago my ovaries had run out of eggs and were inactive.

Do you have family support or someone with you for later on?

Windyatthebeach · 09/06/2020 10:33

Thinking of you op..
Flowers

BobbieDraper · 09/06/2020 10:39

Oh gosh. Good luck I guess!

It's easy to block things out when you're caught up with everything; finding out you were pregnant and then having your ex convince you to be with him would all have been a lot going on. If it turns out he is the father then no harm done here, but if not you will need to be totally honest and be prepared for their reactions.

And start using condoms when you have random sex.

happyjack12 · 09/06/2020 10:41

good luck! be thinking of you.
If it turns out he is not the father, at least you will be free of him, and your son most likely will forget about him and the family if he is only 2.
Really feel for you.

notapizzaeater · 09/06/2020 10:43

Will he be getting the results too ?

Try and keep busy, nothing you can do will effect the result,

minielise · 09/06/2020 10:47

Fingers crossed for you

WorriedaboutDNA · 09/06/2020 10:47

Thanks all. Absolutely on the condom front. Its not something I'd ever do again, pill or not.

The only support I have is my best friend. She knew about the other guy as we all worked together so I have confided in her. Nobody else knows about this.

I keep trying to convince myself that ex is the father. The chances are very high. Looking back on my period calendar for the time, the other guy was 2 days after my period ended and he withdrew. Ex was 5 days later for 2 days and the positive test was 2 weeks later.

I can see my ex in my son but not many others can, my best friend included.

God its going to be a long day. TMI, I cant even go out as stomach is so upset :(

OP posts:
WorriedaboutDNA · 09/06/2020 10:49

@notapizzaeater

Will he be getting the results too ?

Try and keep busy, nothing you can do will effect the result,

No, he isn't getting them. I've done the test so they are coming to me. He didn't question this and he doesn't know there is a potential somebody else either.

God, I am a shitty person aren't I?

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 09/06/2020 10:51

No one should lecture you. It’s no one else’s business.
Hand hold from me 😊

Haffdonga · 09/06/2020 10:51

Fingers crossed you get what you want, OP.

But remember your own words that you are a strong and independent woman and I feel free and alive and wonderful

Whichever way the results go, you will be a great and happy mum and that's the only thing that really matters.

JoeExoticsPrinceAlbert · 09/06/2020 10:53

Hope you are OK OP 💐

WorriedaboutDNA · 09/06/2020 10:54

Thank you for that.

I just can’t fathom the repercussions of it being the other guy. The thought is horrifying

OP posts:
MoominKitty · 09/06/2020 10:57

You were single and on the pill, you did nothing wrong at all, these things can and do happen.

Handhold for later, but whatever the results your little boy has a lovely mum and nothing can change that.

EnidsCrochetCorner · 09/06/2020 11:00

Does he know they are coming though today? If not it buys you time if you need it. I hope this turns out the way you want it to.

No judgements here. Flowers

Morporkia · 09/06/2020 11:04

💐 🤗 handhold and positive thoughts x

Amber0685 · 09/06/2020 11:05

I hope things work out for you OP Flowers

WorriedaboutDNA · 09/06/2020 11:07

@EnidsCrochetCorner

Does he know they are coming though today? If not it buys you time if you need it. I hope this turns out the way you want it to.

No judgements here. Flowers

No he doesn't know. They are due in 2-3 working days from receipt. We did the swabs on Sunday and I posted them yesterday. They emailed this morning to confirm receipt and I completely panicked. There was a number to call if you wanted to pay a fee for same day results so I have done that and they are due after 4.30 but before 5.30. He hasn't even asked if I have posted them yet so I have until Friday I guess if the result is the other guy.
OP posts:
Damnmeifyouwish · 09/06/2020 11:11

When did you realise the other guy could be a potential?

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 09/06/2020 11:12

Good luck OP. I hope you get the result you want.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 09/06/2020 11:14

Why is he asking for a DNA? Does the child look like him? Handholding OP, it’s crappy when a stupid mistake like this has massive repercussions. Xx

HighBrows · 09/06/2020 11:15

No judgement and a hand hold from me.

As you and others have said, you are a strong and independent woman. Good luck, I hope you get the result you want. Flowers

CodenameVillanelle · 09/06/2020 11:15

Oh god you poor thing
No judgement here - we all do stupid things and you didn't think your contraception would fail.
It's far more likely to be your ex. One pull out shag on the pill versus several non pull outs over ovulation time. But nobody can make you feel better until the results are in.

OnTheRollercoasterCalledLife · 09/06/2020 11:15

Good luck OP. Flowers

hm246 · 09/06/2020 11:16

Hope things work out Flowers

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