Handhold for Paternity Test Results

[WorriedaboutDNA]

Good morning all. Long time poster, name changed for obvious reason but please can I ask for no judgement.

Long story short, I have a 2 year old son with a man who I am no longer with. It was always a very volatile and nasty relationship from his side. I am a Solicitor by trade and always thought I was a strong and independent woman, but he turned me into a needy, weak person I didn't know.

We eventually separated and it was the best thing ever. I feel free and alive and wonderful. He saw I was doing great and started windling his way in again. He talked me into meeting up and we ended up in bed for 2 days. I was on the pill, there was no use of condom. 2 weeks later my period was late and a test showed I was pregnant. Cutting a very long story short, after tooing and froing we decided to try and give things a go. We moved in together, he cheated, we separated last year and I eventually got my own place 6 months ago. I feel wonderful again and am loving life with just my son.

Ex hasn't taken it well. He feels he has a right to be with me and I have said no numerous times. This is where he kicked off and asked for a DNA test. No problem I say, until I remembered something...

5 days before the 2 day rendezvous with now ex, I had a bit of thing with a guy from work. It was a very random and unexpected quickie and he didn't use a condom, but he pulled out and did his business elsewhere so to speak. It was so quick and rubbish, I genuinely didn't even consider that there is a chance this man could be the father. So now I am absolutely crapping myself.

This man, whilst a crap father, has a lovely extended family who love and support our son and its these people I don't want to hurt if the result goes the wrong way.

So the result is due in between 4.30 and 5.30 today. My stomach is in absolute knots. I feel sick, terrified that the result will go the wrong way. I feel absolutely awful that I have put myself in the situation.

Please, I just need a handhold, not a lecture :(

Wishing you all the luck in the world OP. The minutes must be dragging by today x

@Alwaystwomagpies

OP I am troubled by your comment about the nasty look and whilst I’m sure you love your son very much can I suggest you consider some therapy when this is finalised one way or the other.

Your ex sounds like a very difficult man and there are concerns about his care of your son and his families involvement and yet you describe him previously as having a wonderful extended family and being a good dad?

You sound a bit confused if you don’t mind saying and maybe still not fully engaged with how abusive he was.

It’s so important for our kids that we acknowledge our own feelings towards their abusive father, their own conception and any ongoing relationships with ex and family in order to ensure we safeguard and aren’t affected by hidden hurt.

Good luck today

Absolutely, I agree with you. I have considered counselling many time’s and I think I’m going to get it now. He was and still is emotionally abusive to me. I’ve told him when the results are in I want to do things more formally. Contact is always on his terms and he often lets us down and is always very late, I assume to prevent me making solid plans for my limited free time.

His mum is a nightmare but she lives abroad. She’s quite interfering. His family who are nearby are supportive and lovely and have been on my side throughout everything

Stop giving this man money. You owe him nothing. No wonder his family are keen on you - you let them off the hook and they want to keep it that way.

@ColdToesHere

Wishing you all the luck in the world OP. The minutes must be dragging by today x

Thank you. It’s torturous, it really is x

Good luck OP, I didn't want to read and run. You sound like a smart woman and I wish you strength and happiness.

Whatever the result, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. I'm sorry you've been through a rough time.

I hope you get the result you want! It's sounding likely that your ex is the father, but I totally understand that until you know for sure you're going to be feeling really sick about it. Do whatever you can to distract yourself this afternoon, and take comfort in knowing that by this evening you'll have your answer and know exactly what you're dealing with.

Hope the results come in soon op. Big hugs! Put on a movie or something to help distract you? Or have a karaoke session in your kitchen to blown off some steam? Anything to pass the time!

I hope you get the results you want and the hours speed by for you x

Good luck, OP but honestly from what you've said here - it really wouldn't be such a bad thing if this man is not his father.

Either way I hope the results let you start a new way of relating to and maintaining distance from your ex for both yours and your ds's sake.

Thanks everyone. I'm off today so trying to keep busy with laundry and Netflix. When I pick my son up at 2pm we are going to go out for a drive and a walk to take my mind off things. I am also looking into counselling too. I need it either way, I know this. I have an awful lot to work through from my time with him.

Good luck OP.
I am sorry for everything you've been through.
You haven't done anything wrong and what's happened has happened.
You have a secure job and a beautiful son.
Things may get complicated in the short term but one way or another everything will be fine.

Thank you all so much. I’ve been wanting to post since Sunday when we did the swabs but honestly thought I’d be flamed I couldn’t cope with that. Then it all got real this morning and I freaked. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support.

I’m heading out now to kill the time. I will of course report back later.

Thank you all again x

A big hand hold from me. You've done nothing wrong. Take care.
Midwife.

I think it sounds likely to be your exes anyway .However ,even if the worst happened ,surely your in laws have got attached to babe now and wouldnt not want to see him any more? Fingers crossed for you!

You’ve not done anything wrong. Hand hold from me x

It's another handhold, from me. I hope you get the result you want.

It does sound like it will be you, but handhold till you know for sure. And you are getting a hard time re the nasty look - my dc has a serious line in dirty dirty looks and my mum says it’s the same drop dead glare i was born with, I’m very confident she loves me and I adore my dc!

Horrible situation to be in, hope it all works out for you.
Did the other guy from work not notice you were pregnant and it was not long since you had a shag?

A handhold coming in from me too.

Pretty sure DS will be your XPs, but if not - well, then you will have no need for ANY further contact with him. Looking on the bright side...

Thinking of you! Exactly the same thoughts as @CodenameVillanelle everyone makes mistakes and you were on the pill, no-one thinks it will ever happen to them and I hope it goes the way you want.

It's a shit sandwich of a situation but what you've gained from it all is insight into yourself, and your lovely little boy. I'd call that a win whatever the outcome of the test.

I hope the result is what you'd like it to be, OP; no judgement from this corner of the internet.

Best of luck!

You were single and doing nothing wrong. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Must be so hard for you. Hand hold. Hopefully you'll get your answer soon and it'll be the outcome you want.