Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ok older posters, someone slap me with a wet fish or something. I'm just back from spending the afternoon in Mr Unsuitable's bed. We had been seeing each other, decided it had to stop about 3 weeks ago hence me back on the apps. He wanted me to stay but I did have the sense not to as last time we spend 24 hours together I wandered around in a love haze for days. It just means I'll measure any date I go on against him which isn't fair to anyone. Aaargh.

@cravingthelook I'm sorry to hear about Mr Music. Be nice to yourself

@unambiguousbeard consider yourself duly smacked round the chops with a halibut!

Exam over and I’m back on tinder

MrMilitary messaged just after my exam finished yesterday to say he was local (I think he remembered my exam date as I told him not to contact me before then, top points for remembering)

and I was so tired I was like “I don’t want to meet you”

I think to be fair it’s also that I don’t want to be running round town prioritising meeting someone whose away for six months?

But after thinking I wouldn’t mind a bit of his good energy and I don’t want a full on relationship necessarily?

So I sent a grovelling message today saying to come give me a kiss if he can? No reply yet.

I’m trying to just “feel things out” and be a bit more spontaneous.

Lots of tinder action (big city ) and some lunatics. Already had a threesome invite last night.

Hope everyone well and taking care of their emotional well-being

@BendyLikeBeckham and @Kin2 -I don't understand...what is wrong with you getting together? I know it's in the rules but really - unless it was an affair (presuming it wasn't if you were both on this dating thread?!) then why did people object? I'm being nosy but also I'm happy for you - it sounds romantic.

That kerfuffle was when I'd started lurking on the thread and I can remember reading back and trying to work out exactly what the issue was.

I suspect there have been men turning up on the thread (I'm looking at you Yachtman) hoping to get laid but it's pretty obvious pretty quickly. And if you had been looking for a quick hookup @Kin2 I'd say that was a massive fail .... how long is it now? Bit longer than a ONS 😊

@unambiguousbeard - what makes Mr Unsuitable, unsuitable? (Forgive me if this has been covered already)

jane and unambiguous I think I’m in a similar dynamic with MrMilitary - he’s in one of those job roles where it’s pretty hard to maintain a reliable dating pattern unless you’re childhood sweethearts or work together or are already in a couple?

So I don’t want to lose contact and I like his energy but equally I don’t want to turn into some saddo sap (ok I am a bit of one naturally) putting my life on hold and not meeting other guys as I’m waiting for a last minute meet with him?

@MsJaneAusten he's my ex bf. 15 years younger. He finished it in October after 9 months as we're at different life stages but we can't stay away from each other. And actually it suits me as I don't have time for a proper relationship although sometimes I think I do. It's on/off in an infuriating manner. I thought it really was off this time...

See also @Ant330 and Ms H. Although I don't think she's unsuitable just maybe emotionally unavailable....?

Oh @unambiguousbeard, what the heck are you playing at lovely? 🐟🤦‍♀️

You know this has no future, at at some stage he's going to turn around and tell you (a) he's got a one way ticket back home because he hasn't managed to make a go of things here or (b) he's met someone he wants to settle down with and do the family thing with (that his family will approve of naturally).

You either call the shots now and cut him loose and go though the broken heart on your terms or wait for him to do it at a time of his choosing. Which will be the easier for you to do? He's not called MrU for no reason and it's very telling you gave him that name from day 1. 🌻

Oh. That does sound infuriating. And exciting. Frustrating. Etc.

I got half way through signing up for OKCupid tonight before running away. My friend is now talking me through the pros and cons of Tinder.

@unambiguousbeard

Oh I know that pull, the man you can't let go and the ties that bind you together.

Thank you @jesuisprest you are so right. And also @TigerDater Both slaps of different kinds are appreciated. It's ok I'm swiping, I even have a date on Saturday. I think I just need to have sex with someone else. Preferably someone good at it😬

@unambiguousbeard, you always seem very self aware when you post about Mr U. It's really your choice whether you seize the day and worry about the fall out another time. I wasn't been around when things first 'ended' so I don't know how deeply it impacted on you.
@cravingthelook, sorry to hear that Mr Music bailed on you today. Hopefully tomorrow it won't hurt quite so much.

@MsJaneAusten I'm a big tinder fan. I like the fact that no one can message you/approach you unless you've liked them. I also like the fact you can't see when people are online so no fretting about that. It's straightforward. Go for it. Oh and if you're nervous start with a profile without your picture or a bio and just have a swipe through to see what it's like. When you feel more confident you can delete the account and recreate a proper one. It does feel quite exposing when you first go on.

I went for it. Kind of by mistake as I was expecting an ‘are you sure?’ but it didn’t happens so suddenly I was on there. Eek. I don’t have a profile yet, just one photo. I’m currently googling “tinder for beginners”. I predict the first point will be ‘don’t start a profile close to midnight if you don’t want dick pics’

It’s not too bad jane like pps said the format is that you only get messages from people you’ve swiped on - so you can filter out all the really rough/scary looking types unlike pof.

Enjoy!

AFAIK you can't share photos on Tinder @MsJaneAusten so you should be safe if you only message in the site and don't move to WA. I always found Tinder fine tbh, mainly because you both have to match to start messaging and if you don't like the way the convo is going, just unmatch.

@cravingthelook Sorry to hear about MrMusic. It really is him not you. OLD is so hard, especially when you think you've found one that stands out from the crowd. All the stars have to be aligning and both of you need to be in the right place to make a go if it. Try not to think about it too much, he wasn't the one for you. Keep busy would be my advice. Also archive the chat and any pics you have if you can't delete them yet. 🌻

Morning

I received a late message from Mr Food last night asking to reschedule our walk - bereavement related.

This week hasn't been my week. It's my birthday today (not that I'd told Mr Food that).

Happy birthday @cravingthelook

cravingthelook Happy Birthday!

@cravingthelook Happy birthday 🎂🍾🎁

@cravingthelook Happy birthday! I'm sorry you are having a bad time at the moment. Do you have time to plan anything else for today?

@cravingthelook happy birthday!!
Sorry your plans fell apart, but on the bright side you have a chance now to really treat yourself on your birthday, and Mr Food sounds like he has a genuine reason, so leave the ball in his court and keep looking!

@MsJaneAusten I'm pleased you've taken the leap of faith and started swiping. Good luck!

@unambiguousbeard be careful, you don't want to get hurt again if the issues haven't been resolved. Are you telling yourself that you don't want something serious because you'd prefer to have something casual and have Mr Unsuitable rather than keep waiting for the right person to come by?

I'm really nervous about meeting Mr America - he actually seems really nice and I'm actually attracted to him, so now I'm nervous he is going to stand me up.

Hugs to @unambiguousbeard, I know that when you have a connection with someone it's impossible to let go. I'd advise you to go non contact because you're both just stopping each other from moving on. If you had gone non contact last year and kept non contact you'd now be six months on and might be over the worst of the pain.