Do I need therapy if I'm theoretically angry at men?

[NoMoreDickheads]

I didn't really think I had a problem with the natural process of working through issues with disrespectful etc experiences I've had with men.

But the last couple of days I've thought, maybe I'm too angry or something?

With men as a concept, based on numerous experiences.

I haven't found the emotion a painful experience over the last few months, I've mostly rolled my eyes at their lameness.

But now I feel a bit of hatred (occasionally I have these interludes, but they mainly just last a couple of days, so maybe I'll just keep an eye out to see if it seems to become excessively long.)

Is the idea of women being 'too angry' a manifestation of society's demands/expectations of women mainly? As a man would only be considered 'too angry' if he was a criminal or something.

Sorry meant to say male family members, not female!

I think it's a pretty normal way to think. I have good male role models in my life however I come across plenty of shitty men who have distorted my view of the male gender. I will feel this way until true equality is achieved...(which will never be in my lifetime)

If you might have a male partner or son in the future it might be a good idea to work through your feelings. Not to change them, btw, like pps I have an active internal Medusa, most active outside and when meeting new men, but to notice them in relationships and if you have children.

Exactly @ukgift2016. It baffles me when women say things like MM said, most women know exactly what a very large portion of men are like, I’ve even moaned about this to men and they say “well that’s what men are like” as if we’ve to just STFU and put up, I for one am not putting up with their crap anymore.

I don't know, I've met plenty of pretty nasty women in my life.

And a handful of men (not talking about relationships here) who were much more decent than any woman I ever met, and who actually did try to help me when the "shit hit the fan" in several unpleasant situations.

The "Nurse Ratchett" (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) types have been the worst and I've met plenty of them, though usually not so extreme of course.

I knew someone would pipe up with ‘women are bad too’, we know this but let’s be honest, it’s mainly men, how many women do you know that walk straight up to men they don’t know and say something completely unacceptable about their bodies, their looks, their unhappy face ‘cheer up love’, how many men are scared to walk past large groups of women in case they get objectified, rape threats, how many women say to men ‘what age is your son because if he grows up to be anything like you then I would‘ (shag him), I’m guessing zero.

How many women rape men? How many men are left holding the baby whilst the women fuck off to pastures new? (Yes there are shit mums but compared to shit dads...there is no comparison).

I was told from age 12/13 that the majority of men are cheats and I believe it.

Many of them your brothers, sons and fathers. Do you hate them as well.
I have no kids.
My father was a violent alcoholic. My brother abused me for years. My mother was abused by her brother for years. I can hand on heart say I hate them.
hth

There's this weird thing with some men if one of their friends gets called out - they just go into irrational mode.

I knew a guy (A) a few years back who was really pushy with me and persisted even when I made it clear he wasn't welcome, he had a rep amongst my female friends as a massive sexual predator, and we'd look out for each other if he was around.
I cut him out of my life.

Few years later I found out he was mates with a guy I was newish friends with. I told him what A was like/had done to me and other women. His first reaction was 'What? He's a good guy - he's never done anything like that to me...'

I had to gently remind him that he's built like a brick shithouse and, well, not female...

Very patronising InnappropriateFemale. So I'm piping up am I, rather than expressing my valid opinion about the observations I've made about the many kinds of people I've met in my long and varied life? .

My experience might not square with your world view or experience, but it squares with mine, OK?

The thing is though, tttyyy that this whole thread is about men. And for those of us who've had a hard time at their hands. Coming on here saying 'yeah, but there are rubbish women too' is a bit like going on a thread where someone is slagging off their Black and Decker drill and telling them that Bosch washing machines can also be rubbish.

[quote Inappropriatefemale]@MadameMarie yes it’s different hormones but men act like us women are the same.

Also you say that are many many men in the world, which is obviously true, but there are only 3 good guys that I know, and they are thoroughly good, they pay their way with their families, they help out round the house, do their fair share of childcare, don’t cheat, don’t put their wives/girlfriends down, and aren’t misogynistic, and of course there are the guys that are complete opposite but most women I know have all had issues with men so it’s a problem and it’s not just exclusive to MN, if you haven’t experienced any issues with men then your extremely lucky, and anyone that says things like what you said (many billions etc) is a little naive because the a very large number of men are creeps and it’s the way it is.

You asked we hated our female family members, well I love my Dad but he is a total bastard to women, and I’ve seen him saying unsavoury things to women, 2 of my brothers are gay and one of them is extremely promiscuous and the others are quite young and so I have zero idea what they’re like with the opposite sex.

The 3 men that I mentioned that are good men are my stepdad, my uncle (DM Bro) and my other uncle (my maternal aunts husband) and I hardly hear of good men anymore, if you know a lot of good men then your very lucky, and very rare in that respect.[/quote]
Personally i'm quite misanthropic anyway, I don't like people in general.

I don't think there's anything collectively inherently evil about the nearly 4 billion men in the world.

It's dangerous language.

@tttyyy sorry I didn’t mean to patronise you, piping up is just a word I use for speaking up, didn’t mean to offend.

It’s hardly dangerous language, it’s just a MN thread and this site is predominantly for women and so there are going to be threads on men, you only have to look all the relationship threads to see the issues, and we’re not saying all men are evil but some of the men that we do know have been evil, bastards, cheats, etc etc, and people tend to go with their own experiences, you sound like you have been lucky and not experienced as much crap as us and that’s great but you can’t take away the fact that we have different experiences.

Every woman I know has trotted the “all men are bastards” line, it’s a classic.

I am sure there are sites that are predominantly for men and they probably have “all women are bitches” type threads, which is okay with me.

Surely @MadameMarie you have known a few women that have had similar issues to, like the ones we describe, with men?

I think lots of men are naive to what their mates can really be like with women, and obviously they don’t see these parts of their mate‘s behaviour until it’s pointed out to them.

@Inappropriatefemale

It’s hardly dangerous language, it’s just a MN thread and this site is predominantly for women and so there are going to be threads on men, you only have to look all the relationship threads to see the issues, and we’re not saying all men are evil but some of the men that we do know have been evil, bastards, cheats, etc etc, and people tend to go with their own experiences, you sound like you have been lucky and not experienced as much crap as us and that’s great but you can’t take away the fact that we have different experiences.

Every woman I know has trotted the “all men are bastards” line, it’s a classic.

I am sure there are sites that are predominantly for men and they probably have “all women are bitches” type threads, which is okay with me.

Surely @MadameMarie you have known a few women that have had similar issues to, like the ones we describe, with men?

To be honest my Dad was treated appallingly by my Mum and did well to hold the family together, so I haven't really got personal cause to have it in for men.

Since posting on here I do wonder from reading the threads just where you manage to find all these deadbeats and it has opened my eyes a lot.

However, it was a man's forum and they were calling women evil then it'd be called out for misogyny and hate speech. It's a woman's forum expressing the view of women but it shouldn't be hating men as a gender. You're talking half the world's population, that's a big statement. How many MN posters have got sons? Are they all evil as well?

I’m surprised women aren’t more angry in general about men tbh for how we have been treated and continue to be treated by them. I have a lot of anger for men in general, but I try to judge people as individuals as I know some good men, but they are few and far between and even they do not recognise their own privilege and how they in some ways themselves hold sexist views. I have always preferred the company of women and thank god I’m a lesbian, because the stories I hear from women who date men on here are shocking.

Can I join please?

I'm really, really struggling to like men. I want to. I've got a lovely dad. And my BIL is a lovely husband to my sis. But thats it.

I've been verbally, emotionally and sexually abused by men. Intimidated and frightened by men. Hit by men, both in a relationship and by a stranger. Abandoned by men when I've been incredibly vulnerable. Men have stolen from me.

Not a single woman has ever done any of the above things to me. Not to any extreme degree anyway. And that's not to mention all the micro aggression we've faced from when we were still bloody children, cat calling etc.

The sad thing is most of the really awful things I have experienced at the hands of men have been from someone who apparently loved me. Cunts.

I have horrible men in my family.
They have really damaged me and my female relatives through their arrogance, ignorance and selfishness.

I stupidly married a man with the same traits.
I feel sad because actually I have know some wonderful, kind and funny men when I was younger, but now I'm older, looking around at the single men I've briefly dated, they are angry, bitter & entitled.

Just my experience but I really hope it just that all the wonderful men are happily married so I'm just not meeting them.

@MadameMarie I think your very naive in all honesty, you must be the only woman in the history of the earth to never have had creepy men say stuff to you, most of us as you will see have had random men come up to us, so we’re not ‘finding deadbeats‘ as you put it.

Also most women have had at least one bad relationship in our lifetimes with men and why we stay and put up with it is down to a multitude of reasons, the first one being very low self esteem.

It’s not a mans forum though and if they do have a forum and call us women names then I honestly don’t give a shit as to what random people on the Internet say about me, if I did then I would never leave the house again!

@MadameMarie May I ask why you came and commented on this thread if you don’t like it?

Maybe some posters do have sons that aren’t very nice but I would imagine that their mums don’t always know because some mothers are very much in denial about their sons, and obviously mothers don’t really see their sons interact with women all the time, my mum is most definitely one of those “not my son” type mums when anything negative may come up about my DB, it’s just the way it is.

Also, in my life then I’ve said misogynistic comments myself, I’m nowhere near perfect either on the internet or in real life, did I get this misogyny from my parents (my dad for sure) society, the media, who knows but I know I’ve had thoughts that are quite wrong but I don’t know a single person who hasn’t, but I know many many people that lie about such things.

When the majority of men that you’ve been romantically involved with have been less than bad boyfriends, then obviously my normal is that ‘most men are (insert word here)’, just like if you’ve had wonderful partners then your normal is going to be ‘most men are wonderful’, we all have our own idea of what’s normal.

I think lots of us haven’t had relationships with decent men because we don’t feel ‘decent’ enough for decent men, it’s all to do with our self worth and who we choose reflects how we feel about ourselves.

I get it but you can't write off half the worlds population as sumbags when most women on here will have sons, Dads or brothers (and even husbands or partners) who they don't hate and aren't evil.

I don't think there's anything collectively inherently evil about the nearly 4 billion men in the world.

Ok then, if there is nothing inherently bad in men, why is it that its overwhelmingly men that rape/murder women and sexually abuse children? What's your explanation? And what do you suggest we do about it?

Personally I'm happiest to acknowledge men (all men) are a threat to me and act accordingly. And teach my daughter to trust her gut where men are concerned and not put feelings of being rude/need to be nice above keeping safe.

If you can explain how I tell the difference between a dangerous man and all the rest I'm all ears

@QuentinWinters

I don't think there's anything collectively inherently evil about the nearly 4 billion men in the world. Ok then, if there is nothing inherently bad in men, why is it that its overwhelmingly men that rape/murder women and sexually abuse children? What's your explanation? And what do you suggest we do about it?

Personally I'm happiest to acknowledge men (all men) are a threat to me and act accordingly. And teach my daughter to trust her gut where men are concerned and not put feelings of being rude/need to be nice above keeping safe.

If you can explain how I tell the difference between a dangerous man and all the rest I'm all ears

Imagine saying that about a race.

There isn't a race that is responsible for 95% of all crime including rape and sexual assault