Do I need therapy if I'm theoretically angry at men?

[NoMoreDickheads]

I didn't really think I had a problem with the natural process of working through issues with disrespectful etc experiences I've had with men.

But the last couple of days I've thought, maybe I'm too angry or something?

With men as a concept, based on numerous experiences.

I haven't found the emotion a painful experience over the last few months, I've mostly rolled my eyes at their lameness.

But now I feel a bit of hatred (occasionally I have these interludes, but they mainly just last a couple of days, so maybe I'll just keep an eye out to see if it seems to become excessively long.)

Is the idea of women being 'too angry' a manifestation of society's demands/expectations of women mainly? As a man would only be considered 'too angry' if he was a criminal or something.

I dunno. I find the ones who've never had much can be just as bad. The ones who believe the world 'owes' them because they've never had much. or, even worse, the ones who think that a woman who owns her own home is an easy touch! Feet under the table, and they need never lift a hand again...

*Anger is the bodyguard of fear
*
I love that. I am both anxious and angry most of the time, but had not been able to explain it so concisely, thank you

Re the men always thinking of sex thing, I think it’s just caused by having a high libido. I’ve been the same at some stages of life. Without the sense of entitlement though.

I had a young man after my divorce who was like that, at least he had the intelligence to realise it was controlling him, “It’s my curse” he said. Gosh he was delicious

I think many women have a lot to be angry about. It's ok to be angry - though too often we are told it's not. It's what you do with the anger that really counts

I hate men too, I hate their natural instincts with sex, looking at as many women as they can etc etc and I know I need therapy or I’ll never have a healthy relationship ever again!

Have to wait til all this jazz is over with though.

I have a wonderful father and wonderful fiancé. I have fabulous male friends. I am also - in general - angry at the treatment of women at the hands of men and the reluctance of men in power to change it.

I wish more women were angry.

Men in power are the fucking issue too!

The next man that attacks me - and there are been more than one attack already and never "domestically" as I have never had a romantic relationship with a man - I am telling you - at the end of the altercation, one of us will be dead and one of us will be in jail.

I'm very angry with men. But mostly I'm disappointed that for a gender that like control, they lose personal control very easily.

I have been raped and been physically abused by male perpetrators. I have also had other men use that abuse against me to explain why they have behaved poorly towards me. I have just had my ex end a relationship with me because he can't handle my trauma. But when I stated I was disappointed that he is treating me like a damaged pet that he can't handle, he made out that I was being abusive towards him.

Men have egos so large and so domineering to them that they would rather ignore the truth.

I think I need therapy too as I am the mother of two DS's and I can't cope with thinking they will suffer from my transference onto them. Its tricky OP.

My mother’s issues with men transferred onto me and now she has been happily married for 22 years.m, don’t get me wrong I am happy for her but I can’t help but think I am all messed up due to her telling me all about her previous husbands indiscretions when I was 13, and now she is over that, I was messed up before I had even began life.

My people. I could cry that I’ve found you. I need to read-read the thread properly and make tea but I’ll be back. Please don’t go away!

I reached this point last year. I think it's a natural consequence of having numerous bad experiences with men. I think it's a good thing in the short and medium term because it allows you to reflect and see that what they did was wrong. It takes time to work through all of that.

I think the alternative is staying stuck in a pattern of either attracting or putting up with shitty men.

but I didn't want to do EMDR/therapy on the NHS via video. EMDR uses a machine and doing it via video link is untested and experimental. .

It doesn't always use a machine. The original way used the back and forth finger movements and some therapists still use that way. Doing it via video may be experimental but not using a machine certainly isn't!

Medusa Club is go. So now we’re here, what do we drink/do?

I hate men too, I hate their natural instincts with sex, looking at as many women as they can etc etc and I know I need therapy or I’ll never have a healthy relationship ever again!

Yep or when dating chatting up as many as possible, hedging their bets, lining someone else up. Like little boys in a sweet shop

@PersonaNonGarter

I think we just take it In turn to rant?

I would rant now but I don't even know where to begin. Too many dicks

I whole heartedly feel the same. In this moment in time I really can say I have no desire to be in a relationship with one again actually. Life is so much better without dealing with a man. I hate that I feel this way, but it’s true. And I know the typical response is ‘women can be abusive too’ and yes, of course they can be. But the overwhelming majority of deaths in domestic abuse cases are at the hands of men. Women are not allowed to age gracefully, all advertising is aimed at us because heaven forbid you should have a wrinkle on your face. Our bodies scrutinised, every single part of them from our hair to our face to our tits, hips, bum, legs. Hypothetically if I were to start talking about my friend who is a CEO or a surgeon, the majority of people will see that person as a male figure in their mind if I hadn’t confirmed the sex. Everyday sexism is totally engrained in us from day one. I’m fucking angry at the whole thing to be honest and I try so hard not to be a bitter person because of it but I do struggle sometimes. Wow sorry for the rant this seems to have touched a nerve!

@LightenUpSummer

Re the men always thinking of sex thing, I think it’s just caused by having a high libido. I’ve been the same at some stages of life. Without the sense of entitlement though.

I had a young man after my divorce who was like that, at least he had the intelligence to realise it was controlling him, “It’s my curse” he said. Gosh he was delicious

But for a lot of men sex isn't about sex. It's about control. How many men want lots and lots of sex but can't be bothered to make sure that the woman is also enjoying it? How many men think they are 'owed' sex because they pay the bills or bought a meal? How many men demand sex every night, not because of their high libidos but to make sure that 'their woman' is well-stamped with their authority?

Mutual, enjoyable sex is wonderful. I'm all for it. But it's the way that you can be having a perfectly normal conversation and then WHAM! suddenly they want to know how big your tits are or whether you like anal penetration. No build up. No gradual bringing round of the subject even. Just 'hey, I'm thinking about sex right now. You OBVIOUSLY must be, because I am and it's impossible to think that anyone may think differently to me, so....do you like anal?'

Me and my friends tried this thing out one day, we were in a park on a baking hot summers day and there was plenty of men about, 1 group in particular were acting like typical arseholes and we all said ‘sex’ very loudly at the same time and I swear their heads were like something from the exorcist with the way they all swivelled! It’s pathetic.

Yes to men thinking that we’re like them in terms of just suddenly being horny, honestly I would love men to suddenly become women for a month just to see what we have to put up with, that may change them.

I have heard men say “if I was a woman I would have a mattress strapped to my back so that I could shag whenever” and I think no you fucking wouldn’t because women aren’t like that and the majority of women need to feel some sort of connection before they enjoy sex! I will never just have a shag for the sake of having a shag, I’m all about relationship sex and hate casual sex, it’s horrible, empty and meaningless and I’m shy in bed, which makes men think I’m ‘frigid’ (hate that word) but it’s just because I have sex before I’m genuinely ready, which is me disrespecting myself really.

You shouldn't need therapy for something that is not your problem, but I feel your pain. If you think it would help, there are feminist counsellors, who start from the same page you're on. I too would like to join the Medusa Club

I find it weird that men are used as a group. Theres a few billion of them in the world, half the population. Many of them your brothers, sons and fathers. Do you hate them as well.

And if you're a white woman and hate men then you hate black men, Asian men etc so you're essentially racist.

I'm being a bit facetious but you need to work out what it is you hate because it's not healthy to hate all men.

@Inappropriatefemale

Me and my friends tried this thing out one day, we were in a park on a baking hot summers day and there was plenty of men about, 1 group in particular were acting like typical arseholes and we all said ‘sex’ very loudly at the same time and I swear their heads were like something from the exorcist with the way they all swivelled! It’s pathetic.

Yes to men thinking that we’re like them in terms of just suddenly being horny, honestly I would love men to suddenly become women for a month just to see what we have to put up with, that may change them.

I have heard men say “if I was a woman I would have a mattress strapped to my back so that I could shag whenever” and I think no you fucking wouldn’t because women aren’t like that and the majority of women need to feel some sort of connection before they enjoy sex! I will never just have a shag for the sake of having a shag, I’m all about relationship sex and hate casual sex, it’s horrible, empty and meaningless and I’m shy in bed, which makes men think I’m ‘frigid’ (hate that word) but it’s just because I have sex before I’m genuinely ready, which is me disrespecting myself really.

It's different hormones. Promiscuity in the gay community can be a lot more than in lesbian relationships because there doesn't tend to be the courtship.

@MadameMarie

I find it weird that men are used as a group. Theres a few billion of them in the world, half the population. Many of them your brothers, sons and fathers. Do you hate them as well.

And if you're a white woman and hate men then you hate black men, Asian men etc so you're essentially racist.

I'm being a bit facetious but you need to work out what it is you hate because it's not healthy to hate all men.

I think you are missing the word 'theoretically' in the title of this thread. Of course we aren't angry at all men. Just the petty, entitled, sexually predatory, rude, misogynistic ones.

Which is, actually, quite a lot.

And you can't speak for our experiences. You can't tell us we 'shouldn't' be angry at men. We can be angry at just whomever we like!

@MadameMarie yes it’s different hormones but men act like us women are the same.

Also you say that are many many men in the world, which is obviously true, but there are only 3 good guys that I know, and they are thoroughly good, they pay their way with their families, they help out round the house, do their fair share of childcare, don’t cheat, don’t put their wives/girlfriends down, and aren’t misogynistic, and of course there are the guys that are complete opposite but most women I know have all had issues with men so it’s a problem and it’s not just exclusive to MN, if you haven’t experienced any issues with men then your extremely lucky, and anyone that says things like what you said (many billions etc) is a little naive because the a very large number of men are creeps and it’s the way it is.

You asked we hated our female family members, well I love my Dad but he is a total bastard to women, and I’ve seen him saying unsavoury things to women, 2 of my brothers are gay and one of them is extremely promiscuous and the others are quite young and so I have zero idea what they’re like with the opposite sex.

The 3 men that I mentioned that are good men are my stepdad, my uncle (DM Bro) and my other uncle (my maternal aunts husband) and I hardly hear of good men anymore, if you know a lot of good men then your very lucky, and very rare in that respect.