Do I need therapy if I'm theoretically angry at men?

[NoMoreDickheads]

I didn't really think I had a problem with the natural process of working through issues with disrespectful etc experiences I've had with men.

But the last couple of days I've thought, maybe I'm too angry or something?

With men as a concept, based on numerous experiences.

I haven't found the emotion a painful experience over the last few months, I've mostly rolled my eyes at their lameness.

But now I feel a bit of hatred (occasionally I have these interludes, but they mainly just last a couple of days, so maybe I'll just keep an eye out to see if it seems to become excessively long.)

Is the idea of women being 'too angry' a manifestation of society's demands/expectations of women mainly? As a man would only be considered 'too angry' if he was a criminal or something.

I'll probably get stung for this, but honestly. I think there is so much pressure to "have it all", family, career, bringing in money, find time to eat well, work out, keep a nice home and look beautiful ... the list goes on. And it's hard to find your place. Now men want all that which is impossible! If you look for a good provider you are labelled a good digger and men and women are angry at you, but when you try to do it all you become angry at men. I hate that there is such little value attached to being a housewife. Look at how amazing it is now with people helping in the communities because we all have time at home.

^We should form some Medusa group therapy sessions.

But we’d all just agree there was nothing wrong with us. And that we deserved another drink.^

@PersonaNonGarter Lol yep! Though we could still slag off and mock men as we get plastered IMHO.

@Laks0007 yes things have not been working well. We have the worst of both worlds. We get none of the benefits of clear gender roles (and there are some). Instead of choice we just have a bigger work load

Just so long as nobody is flogging MLM products. Then Im leaving.

My anger against bloody MLM companies and how they exploit people is a whole other level of angry

I feel the same as you OP but I also think that I am justified in my anger towards men, i've been treated appallingly by so many of them. I often wondered if I need therapy, but i've opted for avoidance and acceptance instead. I feel much safer being single, financially, emotionally and physically. So my solution, instead of spending hours and hours on therapy, is to stay singe. I've spent years trying to bolster myself up, think positively, regain my self esteem, then the next man comes along and blows it all out of the water and I end up back at square one. Why spend hours on therapy when you can stay single and avoid men altogether. It might not sound right to some, but it's the solution i'm sticking with.

I think men are part of it, yes.

But I still think its "women and anger" thats the real and central issue.
I think women surpress anger. Whether as part of a family (can't upset the kids or the partner) or in the wider world (could be retaliation for speaking your mind). Its easier sometimes perhaps to blame men, rather than to get out there and dirty with our anger with all the attendant dangers. This is not to underestimate women really struggling to protect themselves esp with children - against the world it sometimes seems, nevermind individual men.

Whats MLM products? Acronyms make me feel (unreasonably?) angry!

@PinkCatty MLM are 'multi level marketing' products. All this crap aloe vera stuff, make up and selling perfumes from home promising great rewards and salaries when really it is just tat.

Oh right I get it wobbly, starve yourself half to death and apply some £200 Bull's blood and embryo nightly on your face so some Loser will want to fuck you, supposedly

Sorry, the is kicking in.

I'm the mum of two great blokes.

And I have some lovely male friends.

But I am staying single for the rest of my days. The things I've heard, seen and experienced have led me to believe that I'm better off with a dog. The rest of the fuckers can do their own washing up/cleaning/wanking, thank you very much.

Maybe I should have therapy. Or maybe I'll just have some more gin and watch Netflix.

And the Aloe Vera stuff. Used to "date" someone who made alot of money out of that one .

I'm all for self-care. Its a hard fucking world out there, for some of us anyway. But I am suspecting that - uncomfortable anger - especially female anger - is currently being replaced by the little aloe vera candle and the whole current obsession with "self care". Just sayin' ....

I'm angry at patriarchy.

I'm angry at narcissists and sociopaths.

Penis owners? Not so much.

when you try to do it all you become angry at men

What with being disabled and unable to work, and not able to have children, I can't say I've had as much to juggle as a lot of women. Things are probably even worse if someone has a husband that doesn't pull his weight etc.

I'm angry at men mainly for their disrespect and rapiness.

I hate that there is such little value attached to being a housewife

True, it is a lot of work.

My anger against bloody MLM companies and how they exploit people is a whole other level of angry

@3LittleMonkeyz Yep, IDK how many are run by men, either.

Why spend hours on therapy when you can stay single and avoid men altogether. It might not sound right to some, but it's the solution i'm sticking with.

@wobblywinelover I mostly agree with you. And it's so much more relaxing.

I'm angry at patriarchy. I'm angry at narcissists and sociopaths. Penis owners? Not so much.

@HatRack There's a big overlap.

Think l have just finally found my tribe !

A whole lot more women need to be ABLE to get a whole lot angrier when treated horribly...
if l hear.... but l love him .....He's is a good father/Husband before detailling vicious abuse, l will scream.

I have just been catching up on the news, to read about Madelaine Mcann's possible abductor, convicted sex offender,
followed by.... the father in Egypt who tricked his daughters into thinking they were having a Coronavirus vaccination, only to drug them and have FGM performed on them.

It goes, on and on and on day after day, abuse, rape, violence. I am very scared for my daughter.

My anger is a force and l wish all women could find theirs and use it and their wits to knock the nasty men out of their lives, and preferrable a big cliff.....

BTW l have a lovely kind DF, DS and DH, so am not a man hater in general.

It must be said though, I've met some pretty unpleasant women over the years. When the chips were down, the couple of female Nurse Ratchetts (One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest) took the biscuit and then some ... (the couple of men were OK).

I am thinking its more "anger" in general that women need to get in contact with, whoever the protagonists are?

I say protagonist, perhaps persecutor is a better words. Anyway, semantics ?

All women aren't perfect. It was a woman who oversaw a legal form of maternity discrimination against me to the benefit of my male colleague. But that was because her organisation existed under a patriarchy and treating me right might have cost her a bit.

I have encountered nasty, bitchy, jealous and boring women. But only men have committed actual crimes against me and only men have catcalled me, tried to knock me off my bike or used their physical presence to intimidate me.

I now know, somewhat late to party, that it's not something about me that made bad things happen. I'm a mere tiny part of a huge problem - male violence against women and girls. It's ok for me to know this. It doesn't stop me from loving my brothers, dad, partner, friends or sons. It does make me angry. I'm almost as angry that I was never taught what misogyny is as I am about the things that have happened to me.

And its more socially acceptable to avoid a disease than a sexual assault.

How poignant.

I have tears in my eyes reading this thread. I have found my people. I am angry every minute of every day at the things men have done to me ...and at what women all over the world suffer. I am also much happier and saner when I'm single...but I still hold out hope of meeting a good man one day...even though I never give anyone a chance because I am angry right off the bat with ALL MEN

What to do?! It's maddening and sad and lonely and stressful

I'm in for the Medusa group!

And if you want to be reminded of why we're right to be angry, watch this vimeo.com/393253445 'Be a lady, they said', read by Cynthia Nixon.

Redyellow - It doesn't have to be lonely. There are plenty of lovely women out there to be friends with. A friend and I have posited that women should live together in tribes and men should be left as the lone outsiders, allowed in periodically for a bit of ritual mating.

The nice ones will very quickly form their own tribe. The unpleasant ones will probably always be alone. And we can set the dogs on those.

Your anger is justified. Men abandon us, rape us, murder us and nothing is ever done about it. There's no outrage over it even though it's happening every second. They create "movements" dedicated to playing the victim and hating us. Patriarchy tries to pull the wool over our eyes constantly but we shouldn't ever let it.

God it’s depressing isn’t it.

I’m like Redyellowpink in that I still harbour the hope for a good man and I don’t want to give up yet. However all-female communes sound pretty appealing.

For me personally, I’m inhibited in expressing my anger because I grew up around a succession of violent men who nearly killed my mother. Life long fear of confrontation, thanks wankers.

New name for this.

I recently had a male partner who would often speak of how much he disliked the patriarchy and men in general. He would say he was a feminist, would say that as a white, straight, able-bodied and wealthy man he was playing life on easy mode. Always spoke up for women, always strongly challenged toxic masculinity-type behaviours from his laddish mates.

He was first abusive to me within weeks of our relationship's beginning. After each incident he would cry, be almost catatonic with shame, would say that he was just as bad as the worst of men. Would swear blind he would change. Then a couple of months later he'd do it again, a bit worse. It took me too long to leave and I have still barely processed it and barely found any anger for him - I am much more angry with myself. But I AM angry with men as a class, for many reasons (lots of which have been mentioned in previous posts), and have been for a long time. The difference now is that I can't imagine ever trusting another individual man enough for a relationship again.

Its easier sometimes perhaps to blame men, rather than to get out there, down and dirty with our anger with all the attendant dangers. As, especially female, there are consequences for expressing your anger ...