Do I need therapy if I'm theoretically angry at men?

[NoMoreDickheads]

I didn't really think I had a problem with the natural process of working through issues with disrespectful etc experiences I've had with men.

But the last couple of days I've thought, maybe I'm too angry or something?

With men as a concept, based on numerous experiences.

I haven't found the emotion a painful experience over the last few months, I've mostly rolled my eyes at their lameness.

But now I feel a bit of hatred (occasionally I have these interludes, but they mainly just last a couple of days, so maybe I'll just keep an eye out to see if it seems to become excessively long.)

Is the idea of women being 'too angry' a manifestation of society's demands/expectations of women mainly? As a man would only be considered 'too angry' if he was a criminal or something.

Yes I’m terrified of the consequences of protecting my boundaries and it’s putting me off dating at all. Am thinking of getting a panic button installed (following a sexual assault last year in my own home) but is that OTT?

I have amazing husband in the long run but hes carrer survived kids money didnt .
He looks better with age I dont ! He doesnt get periods i get hateful ones.
I've never liked men and i have an amazing dad
They rule the world and always will

@Butterer

If I could cross stitch I would join you! I will be sat in the middle row of Medusa club with my sweary colouring and sweary word-search book. I will be wearing a full hazmat suit not to dodge covid but because then nobody can accuse me of giving them the glad eye or showing too much flesh. I will bring snacks!

Because women aren't supposed to eat properly or get angry right? Shame my natural state is Hangry

Haha @PinkCatty you keep going with your wine, i'm loving the comments!

Maybe we should start Medusa club on here? I don't mind doing the bar

@PinkCatty will have to be in charge of wine though because the only kind I know about is pink and costs under £5 a bottle and tastes like Robinson's squash.

Am thinking of getting a panic button installed (following a sexual assault last year in my own home) but is that OTT?

@LightenUpSummer No, it's your home. Do what you 'want' to do in the face of reality. Don't worry about their/people's feelings or approval of you (is that what it is?) more than your safety and feeling of safety.

The sad fact is that maybe most sexual assaults are in women's homes.

Medusa club- yay, once a month what do you reckon 'girls?'

Agree with a lot of comments on here. Anger is a justifiable emotion in the face of the casual sexism most women encounter on a very basic level. I have just started readjng Sara Pascoe's "Sex, Power, Money" which is brilliant on the biological basis of the power dynamics between the sexes and explains the science behind a lot of the differences in male and female behaviour around sex and money. It might help to rationalise and understand the biology and why we are largely still under the patriarchal cosh. She gives the example of men randomly telling women to smile, whereas a man would never dream of telling another man to smile! I'd forgotten about that and realise because I'm older now I don't attract this form of casual harassment anymore, but it used to cause me so much embarrassment and humiliation and it was always men that did it. I, too, speak as a mother of a son with a Male partner.

Yes to the anger! I feel almost permanently simmering with rage at men and masculinity in general. Highly recommended Clementine Ford's 'Fight like a girl' ... disclaimer will induce more rage. Am in for the Medusa club

Love the idea of the Medusa club!!
I’ll bring the rum...

@Dappledsunlight- yes! The ‘smile’ or ‘cheer up’ comments really fucked me off when I was younger, I don’t get them now I’m ‘old’.

I am a therapist and I theoretically hate men!

It's hard not to working in the field I specialise in (CSA/sexual trauma)

I'm in for medusa club

If we're having rum it should be Kraken rum, in keeping with the Medusa club.

Anyone else find that the merest mention of sex makes them irrationally angry? Oh, only from men, I can talk sex with my female friends all day, but the second a man mentions sex I just find myself muttering 'is that all you can think about?' (It usually is).

Kraken is my rum of choice.

Its the reason I feel shit this morning

[quote 3LittleMonkeyz]@PinkCatty will have to be in charge of wine though because the only kind I know about is pink and costs under £5 a bottle and tastes like Robinson's squash. [/quote]
I don't drink, so I'm on Robinson's orange squash anyhow
I'd volunteer to be a designated driver, but I don't drive either
I could build some sort of cart and harness my cat to pull it though......

^ on reflection, I am not sure that I am that useful to the group.
I do have medusa hair this morning though if that helps? And DMs

@Zaphodsotherhead

If we're having rum it should be Kraken rum, in keeping with the Medusa club.

Anyone else find that the merest mention of sex makes them irrationally angry? Oh, only from men, I can talk sex with my female friends all day, but the second a man mentions sex I just find myself muttering 'is that all you can think about?' (It usually is).

I'm in for medusa club, it'll be cathartic!

And yes Zaphod I'm so sick of hearing about sex, particularly from men. Sometimes I think the human species hasn't evolved from apes at all. Men's lives literally revolve around it! I don't understand!
The last time I had sex I ended up with a jackhammerer and had to take ibuprofen for two days after!! amongst other grim sexual experiences. I've no desire to do it again! I think my inner sex switch has been well and truly turned off. How people can think about it all the time genuinely confuses me. ?

Adding to the anger, there is also fear.
I've been assaulted by a close relative, partner, a friend and a stranger in my lifetime. All in whichever home I was living in at the time.

I decided a few years ago that I was sick of feeling on edge when I had workmen in my home; since then I've found a kick ass plumber/gas engineer and electrician, both women. Blokes working here would always be 'oh you're safe with me - I'm CRB checked' (which made me feel MORE unsafe). I had an emergency plumber let themselves in my (admittedly unlocked) flat door and into my bedroom and he found it funny when I flipped out) ;

The women who have worked here have been amazing - to the extent of asking whether I want to go ahead of or behind them on the stairs, making sure I have enough space, knocking on a room door before they come in.
I feel very lucky that they exist. I harbour daydreams of doing an apprenticeship with them

I get it. I think therapy might have made me more angry at men before I got the resilience and the skills to distance myself from my stress and trauma responses though.

@NervousInYorkshire

I've had very similar experiences with work men. It kicks me into trauma mode it's horrible. I feel violated. And the DBS
/CRB thing? All that means is they haven't been caught or haven't been charged. I know of plenty of men who are nasty abusive and some sexual predators as well who would pass a DBS check because they have got away with it. I do not find it reassuring at all.

@3LittleMonkeyz exactly.
I hate it when people don't understand that.

Oh, OP, I hear you!

I have done SO much work on myself, and still when I do the 'unconscious bias' test (you can find them online), I come out as biased against white men.

It makes me laugh because of the assumptions the test makes in its feedback - it asks me to consider how I would feel having a neighbour of a different colour to me. I am white!

Yet it makes sense. The people who have harmed me in my life (except my mother) have been white men. White men are responsible for my most traumatic experiences - no wonder I hold a bias against them - that's simply survival mode.

"Anger is the bodyguard of Fear" That's why you are angry. xxxx

yes, rich white men, that's who I'm wary of. The type of men who are always believed.