Would you be annoyed at this what partner did to son

[maria860]

We had a BBQ today stepkids came over and my partner and teenage son were having a water fight my son is 13.
We have a really big swimming pool what is fixed in the garden but the heater isn't working at the moment so it's freezing cold and it's quite deep aswell.
They were water fighting and it was getting out of hand and I tried to intervene at this point. My son is a young 13 very unconfident insecure and has anxiety he isn't a good swimmer and never goes in the pool like the other kids.
So my partner runs over grabs my son and throws my son in fully clothed. My son came up and was literally gasping for breath and had a full on panic attack and was crying and asking for his inhaler as he's got Asthma.
I got my son out the pool and he was beside himself I think it was the shock of it as the water was freezing. I shouted at my partner that he was out of order doing that to him and that I didn't agree with it.
My son was crying his eyes out and having a panic attack and I had to calm him down while my partner said well he was getting me so what did he expect wasn't even bothered I told him what a dick thing it was to do Beens as my son just threw a bit of water over him.
He didn't check he was ok or even apologise till ages after but he did say sorry in the end.
My son was crying in his room after for ages I think it hurt his pride a bit to maybe like I said he's been shy and not confident at all.
Well now we aren't speaking he said I spoke to him like shit and he didn't like it, well I didn't like the whole thing what happened full stop.
I'm willing to forget about it as he said sorry and hope he didn't mean to be an ass but he's refusing to speak to me at the moment and is sat in another room.
What do u guys thinks ? Hope I've posted in the right area

I don’t know if I could forgive somebody who put my child in danger like that. You need to protect him. What a horrible thing to do hope your son is ok!

Op if you've had the pool for years would your partner be aware of your dc lack of swimming ability?

I'm only playing devils advocate here, I'd be fuming if my dp did that to one of my kids, not knowing he couldn't really swim and had asthma.

Sorry I mean knowing he couldn't really swim and and asthma.

Well my son can swim but he's not a strong swimmer my partner knows he hates the pool it was just a vile thing to do.

Your outrage is more than justified.

You should not be concerned what the others (? your teenage step children?) thought.

There is no way that you over reacted.

Your child has had a life threatening experience - he was coughing up water and crying for ages. He will be really traumatised by this and he and you were then both mocked and stonewalled in your distress.

Your DP ongoing behaviour is appalling.

What a twat. Your boundaries are way too low

Let the dust settle a little. In the morning calmly have a conversation explaining rationally why the situation upset you and how it impacted your son. Then give him ways to fix it. Ie spend some time with your son doing things your son likes to build that bond back. If he refuses and doesn't see, then I would suggest some counselling. My partner and I have fights exactly like this, it's horrible we say horrible things but the day after we are both reflective and work it out. I really hope it works out for you.

I just don't want him around me right now I hope he doesn't even try and get in the bed.

He is a bully to put your child at risk in this way. It sounds like he was showing off in front of his sons. He knows your son is asthmatic and does not swim well yet clearly does not care. I would not leave him alone with new baby. He can't be trusted. I hope your son is ok.

Going into cold water suddenly like that makes you hyperventilate unless you’re conditioned to it. It’s dangerous. An unbelievably stupid thing to do, and it’s bullying, too. Hugs to you and your DS.

Don’t “hope” - take control.

Tell him you need some space with your boys and he needs to find somewhere else to stay for a week. This is compliant with lockdown rules - which allows for people to leave when there is domestic stress.

One act is not being a bully. What he did was wrong and stupid. But I bet his perspective was he was just having a bit of fun. You need to talk and explain to him why it was not a bit of fun. And get him to see it from a different perspective. But do it with fresh eyes and a rest. You say you have known him for years then you know what kind of man he is and if he is a bully and this isn't the first incident then it's different matter. But whatever you decide don't do it when you are tired and emotionally charged

That would give a v strong signal to your boys that you are on their side and you walk the talk.

I had a small incident with him on holiday last year regarding my other son his daughter when she wanted the ball my son won on the machine and she kept saying she wanted the ball. He gave the kids the money for the machines those grab things and my son won and because she kept saying she wanted it my partner kept saying he had to share and he was walking with it and my partner whacked it out of his hands and gave it to his daughter and made my son cry this was the younger one. I lost it that time too and said if he was nasty again he was out of my life.
So he's done if before.

Before you make any decision to forgive and forget, please talk to your son about how he feels about it all. If he is upset and feels victimised, he will feel betrayed watching you kiss and make up with someone who hurt him.

If your son wants to put it behind him and move forward, then that's different. Obviously you'll still need to get it through your partners thick skull that what he did was wrong though, before even thinking about forgiveness.

Very odd how he’s now not talking to you, when he’s in the wrong
He bullied a child
Very nasty

Because his child wanted the ball and he said he gave them the cash for it so he was his ball doesn't work like that.
So I warned him that time about it and he said my son wouldn't share but we were walking back to the rooms anyway so non of them could play with the ball.
I feel like I warned him before and it happened again so.

I will speak to my son tomorrow and see what he says about it all once we have all slept on it.

So you need to follow through and get rid of him. He is a right twat.

Sounds to me like he has the easy life attitude. He'll give in just to stop his daughter nagging rather than doing the right thing. My partner was exactly the same, she used to walk all over him and he would let her. Why? Because his relationship with his ex was the same he was brow beaten into everything never made a decision so when he had too make choices he couldn't make the right ones. It's been a hard long two years but I think I've finally got him to do the right thing rather than the easy thing. It was so challenging but we are getting there. Sounds like your partner needs some training

Yeah your right they always get their own way. I feel like we get along better when his children aren't here I feel like he shows off Infront of them and acts different. I get on well with his kids to be honest there is not issues for me in that regard but he does give into them so much. I treat all of them exactly the same I can hand on heart say that.

Maria bars in kind he’s decided he’s not talking to you, sounds like he could be trying to control you
Esp of you are pregnant
Good idea to sleep in it and tlak to your ds tomorrow
Good luck

Your poor boy. This is heart breaking!!

The ball incident is worse than the pool incident. Throwing someone in a pool might be a joke, but knocking a ball out of someone’s hands is appalling. So what are you going to do about it ?

I bet your son would be much happier without this man around and I bet it's not the first time he's nasty to him. Why you're inflicting this shit on your kid is beyond me.