I checked DPs phone and now I regret it

[shouldnthavedonethis]

Me and DP have been together for just over 2 years, we are in a long distance relationship but see each other most weekends and I’ve moved in with him for lockdown.
Last week I don’t know why but I just got a feeling something wasn’t right and I checked his phone one morning whilst he was still asleep (we are very open with our phones and know each other’s passcodes and if I needed to quickly google something but my phone was on charge he would have no qualms in me grabbing his phone and doing it on his). That turned out to be a mistake and now I feel so guilty that I even did it, before him I was in a very abusive relationship and was trying so hard to leave my trust issues behind me but I just caved last week even though I had no solid reason to look.
There wasn’t anything interesting on there apart from one Snapchat message to a girl he works with, I’ll call her Katie. I know they get on well and have been talking every few days whilst they’ve been furloughed (DP will say things like ‘oh Katie says she had this takeaway for tea we should try it at the weekend) I have no issues with them talking obviously. As they speak on Snapchat the messages automatically get deleted after 24 hours unless you specifically save them, so when I looked there were no current messages just random ones about work saved now and again from over the past couple of years apart from one which was about the 6th message back, so I really hadn’t looked far, which jumped out at me.
It was clear from the message that she had sent DP some pictures/a video for him to masturbate over. The message was dated from before we even met so even though I felt a bit grim at what I’d just read I ignored it and was going to leave it at that. When we first met DP was very open about all previous relationships even down to just one night stands so I found it a bit odd he had never mentioned her but I just assumed that’s because nothing more probably ever happened.
Skip to last night and he was showing me a video on his phone and as I was watching it a text popped up from a work mate, we’ll call him Steve. I said to DP ‘oh Steve has text you do you want your phone back?’ and he said ‘keep watching the video and I’ll look in a minute, I’ll show you what we’re talking about you’ll find it funny’. So I finished watching the video and he went on to his messages with Steve and passed his phone back to me, it was just a picture of a DIY disaster Steve had, except above that I could quite clearly see (DP was holding his phone so I hadn’t scrolled up or anything) their previous conversation. In it DP said ‘Christ have you seen Katie’s new Instagram post 🔥 ’, Steve replied saying ‘wow 😍’ and then DP said ‘she shouldn’t be allowed to post pictures like that on Instagram I’m surprised they’ve taken it down’, end of conversation.
It’s this that has got me thinking again. I’m pissed off at the fact they are having pervy conversations like that in the first place, but I do know what men are like and expect nothing less, not that I’m excusing it. It’s just the fact that it was DP who started the conversation and it’s that girl again that’s made me feel uncomfortable, something else happened with her around Xmas which I won’t go in to but I’m just starting to feel like maybe there is more to it. Up until now I still trusted DP 100% but now I’m starting to wonder if there is anything more, I don’t trust my judgement on the matter as I have struggled with trust issues so I guess I’m just writing this to see if anyone else thinks I should talk to him and admit what I saw on his phone from a few years back, I feel awful and so guilty for checking his phone but should I just be honest with him and tell him?
I know I never should of looked in the first place and really regret it now! So do I have a chat with him or not?

I wouldn't be happy if I had a bf that still messages someone that he had wanked over and still fancies going by his recent convo with his mate, depends if you really don't mind her still in his life. It's not very respectful imo.

"There is always a Katie" there is not! My husband is loyal to the point it's almost annoying!

Not all men are pigs.

Katie sounds very insecure... I suspect she doesn't have many "female" friends... and just wants attention, not your DP.

It's not acceptable for him to wank over the pics of a woman he knows imo...

I said there's always a Katie.

To be a Katie is to be the hard to get girl who is on a pedestal. The type of women differs from man to man but they follow the same type. Very sexual flirty but somehow always 'just friends'. They always seem to get close but never enought to have sex. The guy still follows her around pretending that they're just friends. He is always hoping for more. Normally because she's really good-looking to the guy in question. Or has some physical trait that he fetishises.

I wasn't slut shaming anyone and my pity is for the men that allows them to become consumed by their lust for another woman.

Once a man is obsessed like this, the only way they'll quit is to actually have sex with that woman.

In my opinion, op is in a relationship with a man that has a Katie. Therefore, I think he's not really present in their relationship because he's lusting after her and in constant contact with her and has been the entirety of ops relationship.

He has had some type of sexual activity with her in the past and there's a reason op doesn't know about this even though she's still a part of the bfs life.

Op is a chapter in their story, not the other way around. Technically, she knew him first. What was the reason, they didn't get together after sexting? I don't think it was because of him.

You're long distance and you have absolutely no idea about what type of contact he had with her prior to you moving in during lockdown.

The fact that they work together and that other man fancy her, want to touch her and comment on her appearance and fancy her is immaterial.

It's about what she means to your boyfriend.

I feel really bad for you because you've snooped and it's opened a whole cam of worms.

I wouldn't entirely agree.

It could be one if two things - am the scenario that you describe or b. That op's bf is not pining over "Katie" or would jump.at the chance of a relationship etc. ... But just that she's the sexy, flirty, extrovert, attention seeking bimbo (to these guys, I'm not saying she is a bimbo) and that he enjoys interaction with her, and looking at her sexy pics on SM, and doesn't have the standards or integrity to stop it even me he's Inna steady relationship.

My wife has kept some erotic pictures on her phone that a male colleague sent her before we dated

The photos were on social media as I understand it.

It was clear from the message that she had sent DP some pictures/a video for him to masturbate over.

Katie is the equivalent of a man who thinks he's all that and more. who has pics on his Instagram showing off his muscles.

I might comment on it to a friend, but in a kind of "He's a bit vain" way.. not in admiration, because I view it as showing off.

Being objective I see no reason why I as a woman cannot communicate with a male colleague who is flirty in character and is in live with himself. I just wouldn't take him seriously.

The issue here is that he's been less than honest about their history, but flipping it round, I don't see why I should have to tell my DP/DH about every sexual encounter and who with from before I met him. That's my business.

In all honesty, not a lot of men would actually want a GF like Katie who clearly seems male validation at every opportunity.

@GilbertMarkham

Agree with everything you are saying

@rayoflightboy No, OP's DP texted just mate first about the Instagram pics

@heartsonacake * Qgardens
I'd mention the message to Steve and then play it by ear, depending on what he says.
It is highly inappropriate and unacceptable to involve a third party in your relationship disputes.*

No, PP didn't mean "mention to Steve" they meant "mention the text he sent to Steve, to DP"

The reading comprehension of some on here is abhorrent

Well Katie it seems is the office "trollop" and as usual all the men in the office are having a sleazy little boy giggle/perv over her antics. They just cant help themselves really can they when she clearly seeks all their undivided attention? Unless he is hiding his phone/not being open with you about the situation with her OP, I would say it's just man banter.

They just cant help themselves really can they

Actually, they can.
They have partners ..
They wouldn't like their partners feeling up a guy, sleazing over his SM pics etc. Especially if they found out their partner had at one point been sexting with the guy in question (at the v least).

It's not on to be messaging your mate about a girl you've been sexting with in the past, highlighting how hot her latest pic is .. (on top of being in regular private contact with her) when you're in a serious relationship.

Did you look at her Insta yourself, to see what your partner was perving at?

Oh and noone can be a "trollope" all on their own.
If men aren't playing along, they're just an attention seeker.

Man banter.

Well that's a slight variation on boys will be boys.

But it's all "accept lower standards for men if it's sexual in nature".

Doesn't sound to me as though there is anything in this, and the fact he is so open with his phone is another plus to him.

Don't mention it. It's a betrayal of trust and, as there was nothing to find, is best not mentioned.

I wouldn't be able to trust someone like him. Even if I had the chat with him, told him I was uncomfortable and didn't want him perving over other girls, and he agreed to not do it anymore, I'd still be miserable because:

1. I would worry about how he's respond to "Steve" in the future. Is he really likely to reply "I think it's disrespectful to my girlfriend to talk about Katie this way so please don't involve me in this kind of conversation again"? Very doubtful.
2. I wouldn't want to be with a man who saves messages and videos from previous sexual partners. It shows a lack of respect for them and his current girlfriend.
3. I'd worry that he'd just get better at hiding his tracks and just become more secretive.
4. I deserve better.

The reading comprehension of some on here is abhorrent

Something which is abhorrent is morally very bad, repugnant, offensive, disgusting. I think some people's reading comprehension is poor but I'm not exactly repulsed by it nor do I find it morally suspect. Still, each to their own.

Office trollop and man banter?

For actual fuck's sake.

I couldn't be arsed with this and feeling like I was playing second fiddle to someone else. Only you can decide how you proceed OP but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet.

He knows you can look at his phone whenever you want and has these messages in plain sight. There is no secret.
The Bob touchingbyhing isnt stall uncommon with some women with some women after boov jobs and I woildnt give it a second thought it's a way of getting attention, similarly if shes always posting certain types of pictures of SM she clearly is all out for attention. You're right that it's a bit rubbish for your BF to be commenting with his friends about her posts but you cant restrict what your boyfriend thinks or says. Even if he does think she looks good on a picture it doesnt mean he wants to be with her. He has chosen to be with you. There are plenty of women there is usually one in almost every scenario that's a Katie, men always have a wink and a joke over but know its just that. Its jit real. They wouldn't actually want it to be teal. Men used to fo that over Katie Price how many normal men would have wanted to got with and have a long settled life with her in reality?
I dont think you need to worry, but you can always mention that you were using his phone for something or other and you saw a message and it makes you uncomfortable, use it as a conversation starter rather than a challenge.