You both sound like you point score rather than work together and have fun. You threw an egg because he would not do a silly non-job?! That is very extreme. Why would you call someone to put something in the oven, except to make a point?
Why would you simply refuse to do a 'non-job' when you had nothing else to do, except to make a point?
If it's a non-job, how about just leaving the salmon on the counter and not having salmon to eat for dinner that night?
The fact is, it is a job and if nobody did it there wouldn't be anything but a salad for dinner. I bet this man ate that salmon she cooked for him, and the salad she prepared too.
It was a job, and they had agreed to cook together, presumably because this is something they enjoy and find productive, and backing out of the dinner prep without offering any explanation up front - worse, shouting when called to do your agreed part in the process - is disrespectful.
And a 5 and 8 year old still take a fair bit of looking after
He knew the children would be there on Friday and he himself, their father, knew what level of supervision they needed. With all this in mind, he agreed to cook with his wife on Friday. Don't agree to something you may not be able to do and then shout at the other party to the agreement when you are ducking out of it. He should have gone to the kitchen and apologised for leaving his wife with the entire dinner to prepare if he felt the children needed supervision that night, unlike other Friday nights.
How do you react when he says he needs to change plans due to settling his children. Are you reasonable and calm or do you get cross?
When the time came, he offered no reason for his refusal to participate in the cooking. He just shouted at her and implied she was being ridiculous for asking him to do what he had agreed to do. After the blank refusal to do the one minute item - 'No, you do it' - came the get out of jail card, the kids apparently needed his attention. The kids trumped the previous arrangement made with his wife, but if he knew they needed his attention, why not go to the kitchen, say 'Sorry dear, could you do dinner tonight, it looks as if the kids are going to need supervision this bedtime?' His wife didn't deserve enough respect to be told this, or to be offered an apology. Would the OP be justified in suspecting that he pulled the kid-related excuse straight out of his arse as a way to back up his point blank refusal to do the one-minute thing that he had disrespectfully refused to do? I think she would.
Believe it or not, LarryGrylls, many women do not like being shouted at and not listened to, especially when that leaves you preparing an entire meal you know will be eaten later by the same person who shouted at you.
What it boils down to is that he is happy to eat food she cooks for him but he doesn't think he needs to listen to her, respect prior agreements, or explain respectfully why he can't keep up his end of an agreement.
"Silly non-job" is an incredibly derisive term. Every single thing that constitutes housework is a silly non-job, if you think about it.
Crumbs wiped off a counter.
Table set for a meal.
Plates, etc., brought to the kitchen after a meal, table wiped.
Dishwasher filled, dishwasher emptied, all items put in the right place.
Recyclables gathered up and thrown in recycling bin.
Rubbish to rubbish bin.
Bins out on bin day, bins back in.
Grocery situation monitored, items added to a running list, items ordered or shopped for, carried in from car, put away, bags put back in car.
Meat taken from freezer in time to thaw for dinner. Takes a few seconds, but is everyone's brain occupied with the topic of dinner at 8am every Saturday morning?
Laundry sorted into whites, colours, laundry washed in correct temp wash, laundry pegged out, laundry taken down and brought in, items sorted, ironed, stacked, placed in drawers, on hangers, in airing cupboard, ironing board taken down, iron put away, clothes pegs put away. One 'silly non-job' after the other. Everyone likes nice, clean, uncreased clothes though, right?
Cups, glasses, mugs rinsed and put in the dishwasher after use, not just left in the sink. Is this a silly non-job because it takes less than a minute to rinse them and move them from the sink to the dishwasher?
Clothes picked up from the floor beside the laundry basket and put into the laundry basket. It takes a minute to pick up an armful and toss them all in - is this a silly non-job?
Sink rinsed after someone has brushed their teeth and spat out the toothpaste. Takes a minute...
Skid marks scrubbed off toilet, drips wiped off toilet seat or rim of the bowl...
Salmon placed in oven when you can see someone else is fully occupied doing something else, after which you can sort out the kids to your little heart's content?
All small stuff? Certainly.
So why not do it all if each individual thing takes so little time and effort?
All the small things that are blown off by one party in a home are disrespectful of the time and labour of the other person. The blithe assumption that the other person is happy spending minute after minute every day doing all those one minute jobs that are beneath them to bother with is disrespectful. The person who won't do the 'silly non-jobs' is valuing his time highly while completely devaluing his wife's.
The OP is not some skivvy whose labour and feelings don't matter. If something is a 'silly non-job' then the party calling it such should be willing to experience the consequences when it doesn't get done. This man belittles 'one-minute jobs' but added together they constitute hours of work for the person doing one after another, doing the drudge work and providing the mental space required to keep all the plates in the air while dealing with a baby aged six months.
Equal housework sharing is about respect. Lack of sharing is about lack of respect.