Realising I prefer life in lockdown

[whatisheupto]

I'm wondering if I have some sort of problem. I have felt a huge sense of relief during lockdown... no pressure, no visitors, ability to just please myself (and DH and DC). I mean no disrespect to those who have found the last 10 weeks incredibly hard and stressful for all sorts of reasons.
Since Boris's announcement today, family are immediately messaging with plans to meet up. I suddenly realised I feel a sense of dread, which I feel awful about. They can be pretty annoying and I suppose the past couple of years they have been extra annoying, but they're not awful, compared to the stuff I read on here! I just can't really be bothered with seeing them, but I can't really believe I am saying that out loud. Why aren't I excited, like them and the rest of the country?!

whatisheupto

No need to "fight".

Firmly but gently stand your ground.
In normal life if I say no, I am a disappointment or a pain

To whom? And why does that matter? Are you judging yourself or taking on others's judgement?

This is an opportunity for some analysis of yourself TBH.

OP it is time to give less of a shit.

My extended family care for me, and in that they understand that I don't like a lot of meet ups, I don't do parties, lunches etc.

Think about how you want to live your life.

She really didn't ask for an amateur life coach to tell her what she should do speakout.

In the real world sometimes we don't want to upset people, we strike up balances with people who may do our heads in but they are also eg. our children's grandparents, or partners parents or they're someone that we don't want to say no to because we don't want to hurt or let them down.

And in the real world people are allowed to say they loved having all the pressure taken off of them during lockdown.

It's not like Boris is going to read the thread and say oh blimey let's extend lockdown for another month because a few people on mumsnet rather like it.

You're telling the op not to justify herself to people in real life (relations, colleagues, friends, people she supports), whilst expecting her to justify herself to you (a stranger on the internet who can't bear for her to have a different view of things than you).

Utterly bizarre contradiction.

I work full time in the NHS and I am also glad for lockdown in many ways. I can get to work and back so much easier, no pressure to fill up the weekends seeing people and driving DC around - I have enjoyed the simpler life. I do understand not everyone experiences it the same way though

In the real world sometimes we don't want to upset people, we strike up balances with people who may do our heads in but they are also eg. our children's grandparents, or partners parents or they're someone that we don't want to say no to because we don't want to hurt or let them down.

TheHoneyBadger

In the "real world" we sometimes have to cast an objective view over the actions we take which may make others happy but not always ourselves.
And sometimes words from a stranger may give us cause to pause and think.
Yes it is about balance, but often, especially women are conditioned to obligate ourselves a step too far.

You are right I am no life coach, but I am suggesting that the OP takes more heed of the life choices that makes her happy.
I can't see why you think that is an onjectionable idea.

I loved hearing the birds, usually drowned out by the traffic. The emptier streets.

I had to cancel a few things (a couple of short holidays), and surprisingly, didn't mind.

I lost a bit of weight as I had the focus to be able to do that.

I don't have many social commitments, but like OP was also wondering about seeing family. I live in a small flat without a garden so I haven't been able to sunbathe or get out much. But its been nice to be on my own with just my own energy for a fairly extended time with very few demands.

It’s made me realise I really wouldn’t mind just randomly moving away doing a midnight flit and telling nobody. I have everyone I need in my house. I’ve been much happier with no expectations and no demands placed upon me.

Exactly the same. I'm the middle generation and trying to keep everyone happy pulls me apart. Lockdown has removed that burden but not it's back. I now have to think about the older generation coming over for a meal or visit and I'm trying to get the children to meet with friends because mentally they need to.

I'm tired and stressed and already empty from lockdown.

OP I'm totally in agreement with you. I MUCH prefer life in lockdown. Before lockdown I was obese and unable to stick to any diet /exercise plan. When the pressures of work and social pressures were lifted, I stuk to a strict diet exercise plan and have lost over a stone. I've been dieting for around 6 weeks and I'm no longer in the obese just overweight category!! Prior to lockdown my mental health was suffering as I wasn't able to stick to a diet.

I also had the space to think. Sometimes that brought up some difficult feelings. Still going through that.

Same. No desire to “get back in there”.

I think it’s been made more bearable with lighter nights and good weather! Not sure if everyone would have borne up so well in a pissing down Spring etc . Certainly it’s easier I feel without trying to work and have young kids

Well done @catsbass that's amazing! I can imagine it's because you could focus on it with some other pressures stripped away. I have unfortunately gained a fair bit! But in a very enjoyable, carefree way so I don't regret it too much, as long as I can get it off now!

A lot of the time I have indeed felt really stressed out... young DC to homeschool, and WFH and trying to keep my job from going down the shitpan. It's been horrid in some ways, mainly related to worrying about DC and impact on them. But like you @LixPring I have had many moments of being able to ponder and think things through like never before. I have literally felt a few things click into place, in my mind! Also it has all happened after a whirlwind and difficult decade few years so it's been a time of reflection and acknowledgement for me.

@TheHoneyBadger and @Igenixx I think I love you, wanna come over for a picnic Monday?!

I was worried about lockdown as I live alone and was a social butterfly at times before.

I have felt less stressed and depressed which is a surprise.I mainly miss doing things I enjoy by myself as places are closed. I also realised I don't need many people in my life and many people don't need me.

I've realised I'm a social drinker and have hardly been drinking which surprised me as I thought I may start drinking more to cope with Lockdown.

I think the environment you live in/who you live with can affect how you deal with lockdown.

I have learnt lessons which include putting myself first and doing things at my own pace as most of my life I haven't and it's made me ill.

Lockdown has been good for me. I think I'm more of an introvert and I want to live in peace.

I'm so glad to read this post. I do feel for anyone who has been lonely throughout lockdown and have reached out to people I know who have been without family.

But, I too have enjoyed this time. I found WFH relatively easy, have had no desire to rejoin the work environment having to listen to colleagues' stories, noise, chit chat etc. I realise a lot of life is unnecessary racing around. I haven't actually missed many activities I usually do and have settled into a routine of morning walk, cooking, working, lots of great catching up with reading, time with my adult children, enjoying pet and garden. I enjoy chatting with friends in cafes usually, but don't even miss that very much. I feel like my system has had a rest and I don't want to go back to my old life. I'm going to make converted effort to retain some of these quieter habits.

I don't want it to end either, people talking about meeting up and how great it's going to be when we can all party, go to the pubs/clubs, have days out, etc. I was done with it all before this really, built up too many friends over the years and I can't be arsed with them all now!

I'd happily hang out with my DP and maybe one or two close friends for the rest of my life, fuck everyone else, can't even be bothered with my family which makes me feel terrible.

One of my work colleagues is very introverted. We just accept her for who she is and don't chat to her (not that I chat all day as I am far too busy). She is happy to get on with her job (which she is very good at), and we don't feel guilty ignoring her in conversation because that is what she wants.

It sounds like some posters' friends/families seem to be a little lacking in social awareness. Although it does depend on how you present your lack of wanting social contact. If handled badly it just makes you look rude.

I am the same as you OP, but towards work. I have loved wfh, feel less anxious as I take public transport to work or cycle. I dread having to go back into the office and may ask to work from home permanently. I am also an introvert, and generally I have been fine during lock down. I get where you are coming from.

If you want to know such things Sonet why don’t you start a thread asking? This thread is clearly about something else.

catsbass I’ve lost weight too! Taking off some other stressors has allowed me to focus on that and have the energy to make changes.

OP I’d love to come for a picnic as long as you don’t mind me leaving when I’m ready and you don’t judge me for daytime drinking

No YANBU. I’ve hated some things about lockdown but mainly to do with the fact I’ve not been able to get my ds who is autistic our the door as he doesn’t understand that all the places he used to love going are closed. He doesn’t want to just go for a walk as he doesn’t see the point and he can dart into the road anyway so it isn’t always safe. But then on the other hand is been nice not having to see certain people. I feel a bit bad that i feel that way but they can be over bearing and interfering at the best of times. But it’s not even Monday yet when we can officially start seeing people and I’ve already had calls from people wanting to come round. I don’t feel great at the minute and haven’t the energy to pretend otherwise to people so I just want to be left alone for a while.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a job still - I know that but lockdown has made me realise how busy my life usually is.

I didn't really appreciate that before - full time demanding job, used to have a super long commute, 3 small kids, cleaning house (not even a deep clean), getting uniforms and clothes ready every night, pack lunches made, clubs during the week and homework, then obviously cooking and cleaning up. Then doing it all again the next day.

Weekends - swimming and cleaning house and washing then Sunday visiting family, non stop.

Then the pressure hearing others were doing more with their weekends - climbing mountains and taking their kids to more clubs with better teachers

Working from home and taking the foot off the accelerator has been a revelation. I dread getting back on the treadmill to be honest.

I think lockdown has made a lot of people realise their priorities in life. But we can't continue in this false life. It's time for people to take responsibility for themselves.

@sprinklesone

we can't continue in this false life. It's time for people to take responsibility for themselves.

I couldn't agree more with this.

There are aspects of lockdown that I prefer, like not travelling to work, but I feel very restricted and being close to my extended family, I really miss not seeing them.

We've had a few birthdays in lockdown and not being able to celebrate the milestone ones especially was quite difficult.

Having recovered from cancer, heart problems, two strokes and other issues, my DF was so looking forward to the celebrations we had planned.

I suppose a more introvert character, who isn't able to express not wanting family and who tends to people please would prefer this caged lifestyle.

If I don't want to see friends or family, nobody on this earth could make me do so.

@sprinklesone says it perfectly.

There is nothing wrong with realising you prefer lockdown life, if your priorities are your immediate family in your home that's fine, good for you that you've discovered what you want to prioritise in life.

However now you know it's time to take responsibility for yourself to continue this. If getting messages about meeting on Monday makes you anxious just decline them. You can easily do this politely, and if people take offence to this that's their problem, not yours (unless of course you turn them down by actually insulting them).

If you've discovered your life is so much better without a long commute you need to actually start looking for ways to reduce this. Yes I know it may not be possible to actually do it immediately out of lockdown but you can still be proactive about it. Ask to wfh, start actively looking for and applying for jobs closer to home or that are already wfh. There's no point moaning about something if you're not actively trying to change it.

If you don't like running around between all your kids clubs reduce them. If you feel pressure to do stuff at weekends because you see others doing lots of activities on social media either delete social media or work on your own self esteem so as not to be influenced by it.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the quiet life. However you just can't complain about your busy lives without being proactive about trying to make them closer to the quiet life you enjoy.