Well, he's cheating on me

[TirisfalPumpkin]

Probably not physically due to lockdown, but I have 'smoking gun' screenshots of my husband on dating sites messaging women, looking for 'fun and companionship', even offering to be someone's 'sugar daddy' through uni.

Well this is a bit shit, isn't it. I know it sounds flippant. I think I'm in shock. I thought I had trust issues that I needed to work through, and while I suspected, I didn't know. It turns out my intuition was right.

I now need to accompany him to his grandmother's funeral and be nice in front of the family.

Can't believe he would do this to me. I'm going to generalise and say what the hell is wrong with men. Why do they do this.

I also have no idea what to do myself. I'm half tempted to send the screenshots to his mum and say 'have a word with your son', or maybe messily all over social media. I have no idea what is best for me, though. I thought our relationship was best for both of us. My ex did this too. I can't imagine ever trusting anyone ever again.

What Bunnymumy said, with bells on.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 mentioned the value of threads for other women who find themselves at the shit, hopeless beginning of situations like this, so thought I'd update.

Things are actually going okay. We're sorting out finances amicably; it's not the drag-out fight I feared. He seems to accept now that the relationship is definitively over and is flat-hunting, so still in the house but with tangible steps towards not being. We calculated that I put in about 80% of the deposit and ex agrees in principle with a proportionate split based on contribution, which will still allow him plenty to house himself. This will enable me to stay in the house without having to significantly increase the mortgage.

Feel things have progressed hugely in a week and I'm cautiously optimistic. There is still this big, dragging sadness about it all that hangs around most of the time. I'm pretty committed to being single for the foreseeable, so have these occasional fear moments about being lonely, never having a secret made up language with another human again, having to open jars on my own etc.

I also got a skeevy email from one of the sugar daddy sites that I signed up to as part of my investigations. A 'sugar baby' story:

^Patrick and I discussed our needs before we met. He's married - which is actually perfect for me because I can only see him a couple of times a month due to my work and study commitments anyway.

I could tell he was hooked as soon as he saw me. He'd spent years in a loveless marriage and I am a breath of fresh air in his life. Each of us is getting what has been lacking in our lives, so it's really a perfect fit.^

(not envy)

How did so many people reach adulthood with morals like this? Maybe I am naive. It certainly helps with the emotional detaching from ex. For him, I guess, this was okay and normal.

Anyway, I get to look forward to moving back into my house, re-arranging the furniture according to my preferences, and cuddling my cat forever.

It would have been much, much harder without your support, reality checks and common sense, so thank you, lovely Mumsnetters.

So bloody proud of you, OP. That cat'll make you happier than he ever could.
Buy more cats

Unfortunately my cat does not get on with other cats, otherwise I'd have at least 6. I would post a cat pic but don't want the thread to become too identifying.

Glad it's the 21st century, as I am now a peculiar single woman with a black cat.

Oh wow! So well done!!! Just in time for the open garden centres too 😉

You will be happy, and sad, and happy, and sad. And then just happy. With £1k a month 'fun money' I suspects he's agreeing because he knows he's been dishonest but just get your 80% of the house and fuck him off out.

As for the MIL.. I know the type. What @Bunnymumy (made me laugh out loud) and @GilbertMarkham said. Stupid cow.