DH and 'I thought'

[chubbyspice]

Is this passive aggressive? 'I thought we were all going to do breakfast together' when I'd only done pancakes for the kids. I pointed out that he could have a pancake if he wanted but he said that there weren't enough, without actually checking how many they were. He comes out with 'I thought' a lot, I just can't think of more examples.

Anyone got a comeback? 'You thought wrong' feels rude and probably won't be appreciated. I always get defensive when I get 'I thought', most likely because it's something DM trots out when she wants her way

@sosomagic There's a lot of it about, isn't there. They really have to be deliberately trying to derail, nobody could be as genuinely obtuse as posters like Mandala and Mabel.

Yeah I hate that shit @sosomagic I've met a lot of this type and they are almost always awful IRL too though like to be super woke and all 'namaste'. The meditation and yoga thing clearly just doesn't work for some. One thing to get the wrong end of the stick but quite another to come out and say 'in my house we are wonderful'.

I've seen some of that in the other thread too. Ugh.

I'm 7 pages too late but to answer the question, no, that expression is not objectively passive aggressive, it's the context that matters.
Try to look past the words as arguing over what is the correct definition is literally a counterproductive waste of time as out just further entrenches everyone's opinion.
The real issue will be some kind of resentment or disagreement that is flaring up in one of your minds (yours) and the other is willfully or not ignorant of that.
The best reply would be to wait until you are both calm, and say "do you remember when i made pancakes and you said i thought you were making for everyone" then say "when you said that i felt (blah)" and insert your best description of your own feeling.
No one else can deny how you feel, and bringing it up let's both you and the other process it in your conscious mind therefore bypassing the anger and giving everyone a chance to feel better next time.
It's not a zero sum game, as long as everyone is constructive you can both win every argument.

Oh and you have to literally do that for everything, and listen to the other person saying they feel a way that you had no idea as well, and you just have to accept that and try to validate rather than sent their feelings. It's very hard keeping it up all the time but very rewarding.

Definitely whiney, and PA.

If you are listening to it a lot, I bet it would grind.