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Original poster

How long did you wait for him to put a ring on it?

132 replies

Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 17:14

So just curious how long did you wait for OH to put a ring on it?
A lot of family and friends always say to me ‘oh when you are you gonna get married?’
Simple truth is I don’t know.. I’ve been with him 5 years and we have a child together.
Is there a need for me to wonder where the ring is?
i don’t really think about it too much I just feel other people make me think I should be engaged or married by now.

OP posts:
romany4 · 23/05/2020 20:39

He asked after 2 weeks. We got engaged properly with a ring at 3 months. Didn't get married until we had been together 6 years though ( we had ds first)
Been together 30 years now. Officially married 24

Original poster
Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 20:44

Thanks everyone for your input.
Obviously some people have a huge problem with a simple question on here but to each their own.
For the ones who have said they wouldn’t of had a child first etc again that’s personal views and I respect them.
Our DC was very much planned and we wouldn’t change it.

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 23/05/2020 20:48
Grin

Welcome to MN. You’ll get the hang of it OP.

Original poster
Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 20:49

@MrsTerryPratchett no need to be rude I added useless opinions ie the ones who feel the need to bash me for posting.

FWIW I wouldn't have a child and give up any earning potential with a higher earning partner unless I was married. Marriage is a contract
Our child was very much planned and I wouldn’t change it for the absolute world.
Call me old fashioned but to me marriage is a contract but it’s also a partnership for life and a celebration of love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 20:50

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend I’m not sure I want to get the hang of it.
My first and last post.

OP posts:
ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 23/05/2020 20:52

Oh dear!! Grin

birdlady12 · 23/05/2020 20:57

Mine was quite quick, although second time for both of us. Lived together from 8 months, engaged 19 months after we met, and then we married 4 months later.

fiveforty · 23/05/2020 21:00

And we have a flounce!!!

Devlesko · 23/05/2020 21:06

I just said shall we get married he said yes, it will be cheaper.
Set a date, had a low key wedding, parents paid.
Married nearly 29 years, never happier.
I can't stand the disney he has to ask, get engaged, blar blar.
Most marriages that follow all that stuff with the wedding more important than the marriage are usually the ones that fail as it's false.
Not saying this is you OP, but it's easy to get carried away with being a princess for a day.

Bourbonbiccy · 23/05/2020 21:11

Hope you are ok @Redpepperdip.

We were together for 4 years, had bought a house, he unexpectedly proposed, we got married 4 years later, had our beautiful son 6 years later.

My friends have done it in all different orders and some not at all. But they all did what was right for them and didn't care what anyone thought.

I understand about (the older generation mostly in my experience) expectation for you to be married or engaged as it is what they think to be "the next step", like once you are married , if you haven't already got them the expectation of "when are you starting a family".

All that truly matters is if you and your boyfriend are informed in your decisions and happy with them, it is no one else's business how you live your lives, so smile and nod to those with expectations and if you want to get married, tell your boyfriend and get a date set.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2020 21:15

I think it’s a touchy subject,,,

monkeyonthetable · 23/05/2020 21:29

Engaged after six months, married after 18 months. Silver wedding this year.

skinnyhotchoc · 23/05/2020 21:36

With my dh I was willing to wait 18 months as I was in my early thirties. He actually proposed after 6 months but I turned down living together prior to that. Think he thought it was the only way to spend more time with me.
Living with them first and having a child can be a bit of a mistake if you want marriage.

RantyAnty · 23/05/2020 22:09

It looks like you'd like to get married and you and your DP have talked about it.

What does he have to say about it?

Gre8scott · 23/05/2020 22:24

6

Shmithecat2 · 23/05/2020 22:29

We were together for about a year (both of us married before, so in no rush) when a job opportunity came up that meant I would be giving my job up, we also wanted to start a family (me being the SAHP) and there was no way I was doing any of that without some security. From getting engaged to getting married was about 1 month I think.

Sleeeeeepy · 23/05/2020 23:07

We got engaged after about 2.5 years, we were going to buy a house together and I wanted the security. He proposed but I basically gave him a timeframe and a budget for a ring (so he didn't overspend!). He suffers from anxiety and I knew he would worry so much he'd not be able to make the decision, we'd already agreed to get married in theory but wanted the nice proposal. We're both pretty introverted so had a very lovely but very small wedding with 20 people, it was perfect.

I think if you're happy not being married that's great. If you would like to get married and it's bugging you I'd agree with another suggestion that you suggest getting married next year. If you would like a proposal there's nothing wrong with asking for it, I did!

Try not to dwell on any negativity, everyone has their stuff going on x

IndiaMay · 23/05/2020 23:39

We were together just over 10 years before we got engaged. I wasnt particularly bothered as i never saw myself getting married (a lot of divorce in my family) and were focussing on other things (university, careers, saving for first house, buying and renovating first house, taking time out to travel together extensivly).What annoyed me was that the vast majority of people seemed to believe I was living in some kind of never ending angst at the fact I wasnt married and it made me uncomfortable as it felt so attacking. When I would explain we didnt want to get married because we were focusing on XYZ at the moment, i got a lot of 'knowing looks' and disbelieving laughs. In the end I stopped going to family events because I was tired of explaining myself. When we did get engaged (at a time we had both discussed and agreed upon in advance as we were ready to start saving for a wedding then) I got more 'oh, you must be so relived' and 'about time' comments than congratulations. I bought my first property at 25, I've climbed literal mountains and been places and trained and completed physical challenges people can only dream of. I've worked hard and seen the world but it seemed none of this had any value except when i'd 'finally' got a ring on my finger. The responses on a thread like this pee me off. The OP was asking a question, yet everyone assumes she is moping about the fact she isn't married and desperately waiting for a man to marry her. Maybe she wanted a baby and just doesnt give a F about being married to get one!

ViciousJackdaw · 24/05/2020 00:13

I got married purely for NOK status. We just thought it seemed sensible after 17 years. Neither of us had any particular hankering for a wedding previously, it was only after a cancer scare that we decided to do it.

musicposy · 24/05/2020 00:29

Wow, I thought I was going to be the only crazy person on here who agreed to get married after 3 weeks but I’m not! Officially engaged at 6 months, married just after a year.
We’re still together 28 years later.

trixiebelden77 · 24/05/2020 08:28

Old-fashioned isn’t what I’d call people who have children before marriage, no.

I suppose I’d think that people who’d been together for five years and had a child together without marrying maybe weren’t intending to marry. That’s fine, it’s not compulsory to marry.

Greenkit · 24/05/2020 09:00

We have been together a year on 31 May, he bought me a beautiful promise ring a few weeks ago.

We are waiting for divorces to come through before getting engaged.

I think, after reading loads of threads here, if you have kids you need to get married

Friendsofmine · 24/05/2020 09:04

I was young when my husband proposed and didn't expect it but I think if I had ever reached a point when I had wanted to marry that year I would have said I want to get married or split. I wouldn't have waited for a proposal.

If you are the high earner ttc before marriage isn't risky really.

CatteStreet · 24/05/2020 09:07

'Put a ring on it'? Confused

OP, it's not a 'simple question' because it implies all sorts of things about how you see yourself and your relationship. It's not a law of nature that women have to wait until 'the man' deems it time to ask her.

And yes to this: 'Old-fashioned isn’t what I’d call people who have children before marriage, no.'

As to your question, I didn't 'wait'. We had a conversation two years in at which we agreed to get married and then had a small, fuss-free wedding six months after that. We'll celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary later this year.

bluebluezoo · 24/05/2020 09:16

I think, after reading loads of threads here, if you have kids you need to get married

It depends on your situation. If you are the higher earner, own more property etc, marriage isn’t worth it.

Basically add everything up and divide it 50:50 as you would in a divorce. If you come out worse don’t get married.

Especially if your dh is divorced. Mine lost everything, his house, his savings, car, everything. I had my own house, pension, significant savings- all of which he is now entitled to half of should we divorce. My mistake, i listened to family pressure to get married.

Also think about wills. If dh inherits as usual, he can leave it all to anyone he likes. His ex might put in a claim for a share for her kids- if dh doesn’t leave a will it will be split between his kids. I’ve written my will so while dh has a life interest in the house, everything ultimately goes to my kids. If we hadn’t married my kids would automatically have inherited without all the risks of challenge and legal documents..