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Original poster

How long did you wait for him to put a ring on it?

132 replies

Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 17:14

So just curious how long did you wait for OH to put a ring on it?
A lot of family and friends always say to me ‘oh when you are you gonna get married?’
Simple truth is I don’t know.. I’ve been with him 5 years and we have a child together.
Is there a need for me to wonder where the ring is?
i don’t really think about it too much I just feel other people make me think I should be engaged or married by now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 19:00

@DeadButDelicious thank you

OP posts:
Burplecutter · 23/05/2020 19:00

I wasn't waiting around. We were together, had a child and it didn't bother me. Then one day had a fleeting thought that we probably should do so I just said we were. The next week we went and picked rings together. 6 week's after that we were married. No big fancy ££££ on a party for others. Just got on with it then got on with life. Perfect.

Original poster
Redpepperdip · 23/05/2020 19:01

@Burplecutter I love that

OP posts:
Babdoc · 23/05/2020 19:04

OP, you are aware that as you are unmarried, you have no financial protection? Is your name at least on the mortgage - if not, he can make you homeless whenever he chooses. Have you given each other power of attorney, has he named you for his death in service benefit from work, have you made wills - you will not be automatically entitled to inherit anything as you’re not married, etc.
My DH and I didn’t believe in marriage (radical feminist and hippy!) but we married with just 2 witnesses and a registrar, purely for protection. Thank God we did, as he died suddenly, leaving me with 2 babies. I wouldn’t even have got a widow’s pension if unmarried.

LotusFlowers · 23/05/2020 19:05

I've read the whole thread OP. In your op you said:

just curious how long did you wait for OH to put a ring on it?

Simple truth is I don’t know..

Is there a need for me to wonder where the ring is?

You've posted these statements on this forum seeking opinion. It's not "dragging you down" to point out that it's your way of thinking that has caused you this quandary. You should value yourself more and check the internalised misogyny.

If you saw you and him as equals this wouldn't even be a question in your head. You would already have discussed your timeframe for engagement. (And that's without even getting into why you think it's his responsibility to get a ring).

MarylandMayhem · 23/05/2020 19:05

Can't see what's wrong with a man wanting to marry you and proposing, to be honest. I rather like the idea a man was keen enough to do so - security

What's the point of the op waiting for a proposal when they already have a child together? She should just discuss with him about setting a date. I mean, if you you're not sure your partner is keen enough about you to marry, then why have a child with them?

Calyx72 · 23/05/2020 19:07

I started saying 'soooo what are your intentions" Grin after a few years. He asked me after a couple more years, had been waiting for my favourite band to play in our city to ask me then Grin
Meant to be wed August but will need to postpone due to covid stuff

iusedtohavechickens · 23/05/2020 19:07

We've been together 20 years this year and still not married, have 4 beautiful daughters and just purchased our new forever home (3rd house we've owned). I have changed my name by deed poll for 2 reasons, so my name is the same as the children and to break the link with my own family who we don't have contact with x

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/05/2020 19:11

without adding useless opinions that I don’t even care about.

I like todally read that in like a Valley Girl accent.

If you don't care about opinions, fabulous. Maybe don't post asking for them.

FWIW I wouldn't have a child and give up any earning potential with a higher earning partner unless I was married. Marriage is a contract.

Bluntness100 · 23/05/2020 19:17

I was wondering what peoples views are and how long it took before getting married as in my personal experience I’ve been made to feel I should be engaged/married by now

You’re still not being clear. If people made you feel you should be engaged or married are you saying this is how you Actually feel?

If it is tell him you wish to get married and take the discussion, if it’s not how you feel then, well no one has made you feel that way so it’s all a bit pointless?

It does read like you’d like to be engaged and get married and that is fine, you can own it, not shy away from it or blame others for making you feel that way, and if you do feel that way, just talk to him.

There is nothing wrong with wishing to be engaged or married. There is everything wrong with not owning it.

No one is or has attacked you. People are just trying to understand what you want.

4amWitchingHour · 23/05/2020 19:33

We'd been together 3 years, living together 9 months, we knew we wanted to get married, I asked him. He takes ages to get around to anything, so I couldn't be arsed to wait Grin

Nombie · 23/05/2020 19:36

I didn't wait. We discussed if we wanted to get married, he said yes someday and then he proposed and we're engaged. Have been for about five years. Weddings are expensive and we keep putting it off. Now pregnant and we've said we shall do it within a year of baby being born. I'd like to do it before but covid so we'll wait.

If it matters to you raise it with him and talk about it. Whilst it's not overly romantic or spontaneous it gets it done.

Nombie · 23/05/2020 19:38

I add been with him since we were both 15, turning 30 this year. We're basically married and we share everything already so it's just a bit of paper at this point.

LividLaughLovely · 23/05/2020 19:40

Engaged at four months, married eight weeks later!

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 23/05/2020 19:40

2 years but I wouldn't have ttc with anyone unless I was married. I wanted to have children with him.

Twobigsapphires · 23/05/2020 19:43

Knew each other as friends for about 12 years, got together as a couple January, engaged in June, married in December. If he loves you and he’s sure you’re the one for him for the rest of his life he won’t wait.

userabcname · 23/05/2020 20:01

3 years. We had moved in together (renting) and had just put in an offer on a house. The proposal was a complete surprise but lovely.

WrapTrap · 23/05/2020 20:04

Together since 2009, bouhht first house in 2013, baby in 2015, another baby in 2018. We had an early morning 'administrative task' at a registry office in 2019. I hsve never wanted to get married (child of messy divorce) or have a 'do'. We chose two mates good at keeping quiet, signed a bit of paper, went to the pub and got on with our lives. As an unmarried sahm i was vulnerable if anything happened in our relationship. OH also (quite rightly so) worried for me and girls if something happened to him (healh condition). He is highest earner. I acquiesced on condition there was no fuss. Its made no difference to us and we've still not told people. There was no fanfare proposal, i chose my own ring (alone 🤣), i do wear it although its more of an engagement ring rather than a wedding band. He never bothers wearing his ring. For us it was more about making sure we were both protected financially and legally for the kids rather than romance.

Bertucci · 23/05/2020 20:05

You already have a child and live together. Surely you're beyond the romantic proposal expectation.

You just need to arrange to get married.

Io99 · 23/05/2020 20:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

RaN88 · 23/05/2020 20:09

Moved in at 18 months, engaged at 4 years, married at 6 years, now pregnant with our first at 11 years 💗

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 23/05/2020 20:11

I believe Prince Albert didn't wait to be asked he just went ahead and did it.

Chociefish · 23/05/2020 20:16

My ex and I decided to get married when our 1st dd was born after we'd been together for 5 years. He was always a slow decision maker and because he felt we were rushing things he made me cancel everything, the venue and everything else. I was gutted but because I didn't want to bring up my dd alone I stuck with him. He then proposed again when I was pregnant with dd2. We discussed dates but whenever I tried to organise something for it he made other arrangements.
It broke my heart over a long period of time and I left 4 years after the second proposal and 13 years of being together as I became so depressed at the thought that I was fundamentallly unmarriageable. Obs, this is an edited snapshot but marriage is now off my radar as I am way too terrifyed of feeling like a reject yet again.
Reading this back it sounds so sad but I do have two beautiful dds and a loving partner in my life now 😊

Animum2 · 23/05/2020 20:31

Th and I had this conversation very early on and I said I was looking to get married as soon as we could, he proposed after 10 months and we got married a year later

We both knew straight away that it was going to be a forever marriage

HelloDulling · 23/05/2020 20:38

If you’ve already discussed it, I’m not sure why he would propose. He’d be proposing marriage, but you’ve already agreed to that.

Why not say to him, “How about we get married next year, it will give us something to look forward to?”