My boyfriend demanded a weeks break away from me

[Trina100]

My BF has recently demanded a break away from me for a week with no contact and I don’t know how to handle it.
We have had a few arguments in the past two weeks which have got heated to the point where he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child. I know I shouldn’t have called him that and I apologised. Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected.

The past 7 days have been lovely and we’ve got on without arguments until Sunday where I asked him he would come round for 10 mins as I was feeling a bit down and needy and really needed a cuddle. We’d already spent two and half days together the day before so he’s response was “I’m ok on my own today, I’ve already spent 2.5 days with you so I’m ok on my own”! I flipped as I hate when he keeps tabs on how many consecutive days we spend together as it doesn’t leave much hope to eventually living together (we’ve been together for two year already) and I felt disappointed that he refused to be there for me when I needed him the most. He didn’t even asked what was the issue.
Anyway this turned into a shouting fest and know he has brought up other arguments from the past two weeks and have demanded a weeks break/space away from me!

He has always said that he doesn’t do breaks so I can’t help but feel so hurt over this, we speak literally every single day and see each other every two days or so.
He admitted that he needs to really consider if this relationship is what as our arguments bring out a horrible side of him.
I feel like I don’t want to sit around for a week for him to then turn round and end the relationship. I honestly don’t know how to play this or what to do and I really want to call him and resolve things! What do I do! He’s never asked for space before!

Needy is what I would think, you can't control people like this. It sounds as though you make him angry with your demands.

He has every right to his alone time without yoh making demands upon it. He isn't a possession.

You call him up when you want a cuddle and he's supposed to trot round and oblige. Good grief!

I’m ok on my own today, I’ve already spent 2.5 days with you so I’m ok on my own”! I flipped

This is what the OP wrote..he had a perfectly reasonable request and she admitted that she flipped.

If this was a woman on the receiving end we would all say, leave him as he isn't respecting your boundaries and his anger is not rational.

God can you imagine a female poster saying she spent 2 days with her boyfriend, then he called and asked her to go out, go round to his for a 10 minute cuddle because he needed her, then flipped when she politely told him she needed some time alone.

Completely confused as to why the op didnt even say 'can I come round?' (yes I know lockdown rules but she isnt paying attention to them) but expected him to make the trip to her.

I don't see the issue surrounding the lockdown/household issue if Op is being honest about the fact neither of them mix with others then that should be ok.
*I'm normally quite eye rolly at people who spout their version of no breaking the rules but this does sound acceptable.

Anyway OP I'm sorry but you do sound quite needy and immature, how have you gotten to 29 without learning how to self soothe? There's times in my life where I've been alone and I've felt a bit shit and a cuddle might have helped but I've not felt the need to ask someone to pop round and oblige. I've managed to improve my mood myself.
From what you've written in his reply, It sounds to me like he's telling you - 'ffs I've just spent a few days with you, I really can't be arsed to come back round so soon' Maybe you could think about why he would be feeling like that.
Dealing with needy people sucks the life out of you and you do feel like you need a break from it sometimes.
If he is getting angry easily and has been violent (I can't quite work out the coat issue) then the relationship should be ended anyway because that's not on.
So how do you play it?
You do as he's asked - no contact for a week and wait to see if he ends it anyway.
or
You take the bull by the horns and see that you're not compatible and end it yourself with dignity.

It sounds to me like you are in an avoidant vs anxious attachment style relationship.
He withdraws, this makes you anxious, you seek reassurance, he withdraws further. You are both unintentionally causing pain and conflict.

Google it and read. I bet it sets a lightbulb off for you.
There is a thread in relationships today on this which could also help.

I'm afraid through these relationships rarely work, however much you might love each other.

And it's not about maturity, this is a style of relationship interaction playing out at all stages of life.
It is very painful OP. I hope you can gain some understanding and .make the best decision for yourself.

I've not seen my partner of nearly 11 years for 10 weeks today - I was advised by my GP to shield 2 weeks before lockdown was announced. I haven't seen anyone since.

You really need to grow up.

Please , while I'm explaining to dementia patients who can't see their families due to c19, you've got the hump because your fella didn't want to come and cuddle you , when he'd already spent the past two days with you ... Sorry , but this makes my wee boil ...

Whose jackets did he whack you with? Sounds like you could both do with a cooling off period tbh.

This relationship is utterly toxic, you are both so so bad for each other. Just end it, you’re making each other miserable and you’re only two years in.

I would have guessed you were 20 tops. You do sound young, needy. Take the week for you. Let him do him. Sounds like this relationship is a lot of work.

So starting an argument because your partner refuses to give in to your demands for a cuddle, after spending two days with you, isn't being needy?

I'm not saying the OP behaved ideally in the situation, but she's already acknowledged this. People are entitled to ask for what they need in relationships - that doesn't automatically make them needy.

Automatically no. In the example given, totally needy.

Isn't the OP allowed to ask for togetherness or comfort from her own partner?

Of course she can ask. But being an adult means you don't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to meet your own needs because no one else is obliged to do so.

so you’re on a break?

he’s totally going to lay that hot chick from the copy shop.

Excuse me if that makes me sound immature.

It does make you sound like a hormonal 14 year old

If he doesn't want to give you what you want, either end the relationship or re-assess what you want

It's called being an adult

I think he is doing the mature thing and taking some time to decide what he wants. The space might do you both good.

I don’t understand why you want to be with him if doesn’t respect you.

Is this your first relationship OP?

I don't mean that snarkily, I'm just genuinely surprised a woman your age cannot see how toxic and joyless this relationship is!

You aren't happy!

He isn't happy!

Being together makes you both stressed and need time apart!

Come on, what more do you need to realise this isn't a healthy relationship?

Life is short, spend time with people who don't make you sad.

You can't think this is a good relationship surely?

If you aren't happy with a "demand" you don't just have two options (yes / no) you have a third - "this isn't working I think we should break up."

Come on woman, where is your pride!

Ahhh I know someone that still acts needy like this in her 50's. She can be such hard work to maintain a friend relationship with, God help her boyfriends.
If she doesnt get the attention she wants, she starts an argument to get it. Then acts confused when they end up having enough and blocking her
Don't do another 20 years of this OP!

I'm 22 and myself and my partner acted like this when we were around 16/17, I think your problems are much more than anger ect. I think you have deep underlying insecurity issues that needs to be addressed and from the way you've described it you both seem as if you've never had a stable relationship before.

I just know if he ever felt like that I wasn’t busy I’d be right on hand if he needed cheering up or consoling, so it just hurt that he wasn’t up for doing the same

I get you OP. It’s painful whah you realise you’d go to the moon & back for your BF & he wouldn’t do the same. I’ve been there many times. As tough as it is, I’d try to bite my tongue & pause all contact. Give him a hella lot of space ... & then some more ... & then some more!

He is either seeing someone else, or is using you until he finds someone else.

Everything is on his terms! There are also red flags in that he hit you (albeit with something) and yells at you in rage.

Leave op. He isn't worth your time.

@Sugartitss I don’t agree he’s an abusive dick or has anger issues

So what's this then... he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child.

These are called RED FLAGS and the hitting is ABUSE...

Nice of those calling op needy to over look the fact that he hit her...

Op also admitted she flipped out at him because he wouldnt come round to hers and said he wanted time on his own.

I get the impression that both of them are waving those red flags. He at least recognises this and said he wants some space to think things through. Op still doesn't want to give him that.