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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend demanded a weeks break away from me

166 replies

Trina100 · 19/05/2020 15:32

My BF has recently demanded a break away from me for a week with no contact and I don’t know how to handle it.
We have had a few arguments in the past two weeks which have got heated to the point where he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child. I know I shouldn’t have called him that and I apologised. Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected.

The past 7 days have been lovely and we’ve got on without arguments until Sunday where I asked him he would come round for 10 mins as I was feeling a bit down and needy and really needed a cuddle. We’d already spent two and half days together the day before so he’s response was “I’m ok on my own today, I’ve already spent 2.5 days with you so I’m ok on my own”! I flipped as I hate when he keeps tabs on how many consecutive days we spend together as it doesn’t leave much hope to eventually living together (we’ve been together for two year already) and I felt disappointed that he refused to be there for me when I needed him the most. He didn’t even asked what was the issue.
Anyway this turned into a shouting fest and know he has brought up other arguments from the past two weeks and have demanded a weeks break/space away from me!

He has always said that he doesn’t do breaks so I can’t help but feel so hurt over this, we speak literally every single day and see each other every two days or so.
He admitted that he needs to really consider if this relationship is what as our arguments bring out a horrible side of him.
I feel like I don’t want to sit around for a week for him to then turn round and end the relationship. I honestly don’t know how to play this or what to do and I really want to call him and resolve things! What do I do! He’s never asked for space before!

OP posts:
Saladmakesmesad · 19/05/2020 17:11

Excuse me if that makes me sound immature.

Being immature about being immature. Grin

Devlesko · 19/05/2020 17:11

I'd make it permanent.
Is this the way you want to live, because he won't change. You deserve better and I'd be telling him not to come back, but waiting until he'd gone, first.

LittleWing80 · 19/05/2020 17:11

Why did you move out of his place when isolating together?

Fairenuff · 19/05/2020 17:19

When you moved back to yours that should have been the end of seeing each other anyway. You're not supposed to mix with other households.

BrimfulOfBaba · 19/05/2020 17:20

He's told you he needs space and if you don't respect that, you'll be crossing a boundary he has set which is not fair. Maybe you can use this time to have a think, too.

If you are not happy with the boundary he has set you are well within your rights to break up with him.

Those are your only choices.

JudyCoolibar · 19/05/2020 17:22

I don’t believe any rules have been ignored there

If he's popping in to see you every so often, you are both definitely ignoring rules.

But I agree with others, this relationship is going nowhere and you would both be better off going your separate ways.

Medstudent12 · 19/05/2020 17:25

You're breaking lockdown repeatedly. I work in the NHS and have seen covid wreak havoc so I have zero sympathy for you. Unless you have not left your house for two weeks (even for walks and food) you cannot hug someone from another household.

The government were explicitly clear, move in together or don't see each other at all (although now you could from 2m away as the rules have changed)

Medstudent12 · 19/05/2020 17:26

However you have clearly decided that you know better than scientists about how Covid19 can spread.

Oxfordnono12 · 19/05/2020 17:26

I'm sorry but it really sounds like he actually needs a break from you. You do come across as very needy. It sounds like you need more than emotional support. Is there something bothering you at minute?

From what you say and from his reaction it sounds like you are listening to him and the relationship isnt very balanced.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 19/05/2020 17:30

Sounds like he’s dumping you. Respect his decision and give him the space he’s asked for. You sound quite needy, maybe work on that for your next relationship OP.

NancyPickford · 19/05/2020 17:30

29! Cuddles! FFS. Grow up, and stop breaking the lockdown rules no matter what spin you try to put on it.

Oxfordnono12 · 19/05/2020 17:30

*arent listening to him. Sorry

Techway · 19/05/2020 17:32

@BrimfulOfBaba, absolutely spot on.

OP, your bf needs time away from you. This could be because he is more introverted or he sees you as part of his life rather than fully in his life.

If you get angry when he communicates this then you are the issue. You have a choice, respect his need for space or end the relationship. Don't try to force him to spend time with you or get angry. Your expectation for the relationship is not the same as his. Move on and see if you can find someone who wants to be more involved.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 19/05/2020 17:34

I dont think you are well suited

Peggysgettingcrazy · 19/05/2020 17:37

Amazing how many people think he is ignoring her needs.

Op had been with him for 2 days he wanted sometime alone and she kicked off.

Why is it, her needs must be priority over his? Is she ignoring his needs as well?

And some of the lockdown rules are silly, but the rule is no mixng households. Given you both can not self isolated completely (someone has to food shop) there is a tiny risk. But the rule is no mixing households. Op may choose to ignore it. But that is the rule. I am wfh and stl cant go give my mum or dad a cuddle. So I can see why some people feel less than sympathetic to op, ignoring the rules and moaning about not getting a 10 minute cuddle.

vixxo · 19/05/2020 17:40

I think you need to let him go, he doesn't seem to love you. I don't think you're needy at all, but I think you are subconsciously aware that he's not 100% into this relationship and therefore do or say things that may come across as 'needy' or 'intense'.

BlingLoving · 19/05/2020 17:41

You sound needy and immature.

He sounds emotionally unavailable, unpleasant and possibly abusive - hitting you with jackets is NOT okay.

Agree with everyone else on this thread - this relationship is doomed.

As my father likes to tell me - if it's hard to be kind to someone when you're still in the first flush of love, what is going to happen when things get really hard (and yes, appreciate that Covid IS hard, but the overall sentiment stands - at the beginning it shouldn't be this hard. You should both be desperately wanting to fix things).

KaptenKrusty · 19/05/2020 17:42

Oh god the drama - sounds like an awful relationship! Just move on it’s not working

Herpesfreesince03 · 19/05/2020 17:42

You sound absolutely stifling op.

damnthatanxiety · 19/05/2020 17:44

some relationships bring out the worst in people. He seems to be saying this. You have said you have never been needy before but you are now.I think perhaps you are not a good fit. You are both being lesser versions of yourselves together

Thegate · 19/05/2020 17:45

My BF has recently demanded a break away from me for a week with no contact and I don’t know how to handle it.
Even the way you word this says a lot.
Did he really “demand” ?
The best and only thing you can do is respect his wishes.
Don’t text/call/message or anything.
Calm down a bit and don’t be so desperate and needy

BellaCiaoBellaCiaoBellaCiao · 19/05/2020 17:51

He really needs to run from you OP

bringincrazyback · 19/05/2020 17:55

I don't read this as the OP being needy at all (and I speak as someone with quite a low tolerance for neediness in relationships). Isn't the OP allowed to ask for togetherness or comfort from her own partner?

Also quite bemused that some posters appear to be glossing over the OP's partners anger issues and some really quite nasty treatment of her. A few posters-with-penises on here maybe?

OP, in my opinion you deserve better than this man. I'd take him up on the break and make it a permanent one.

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/05/2020 17:55

Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? You are at the start of your relationship and don't suit each other.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/05/2020 17:58

I don't read this as the OP being needy at all

So starting an argument because your partner refuses to give in to your demands for a cuddle, after spending two days with you, isn't being needy?

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