My boyfriend demanded a weeks break away from me

[Trina100]

My BF has recently demanded a break away from me for a week with no contact and I don’t know how to handle it.
We have had a few arguments in the past two weeks which have got heated to the point where he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child. I know I shouldn’t have called him that and I apologised. Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected.

The past 7 days have been lovely and we’ve got on without arguments until Sunday where I asked him he would come round for 10 mins as I was feeling a bit down and needy and really needed a cuddle. We’d already spent two and half days together the day before so he’s response was “I’m ok on my own today, I’ve already spent 2.5 days with you so I’m ok on my own”! I flipped as I hate when he keeps tabs on how many consecutive days we spend together as it doesn’t leave much hope to eventually living together (we’ve been together for two year already) and I felt disappointed that he refused to be there for me when I needed him the most. He didn’t even asked what was the issue.
Anyway this turned into a shouting fest and know he has brought up other arguments from the past two weeks and have demanded a weeks break/space away from me!

He has always said that he doesn’t do breaks so I can’t help but feel so hurt over this, we speak literally every single day and see each other every two days or so.
He admitted that he needs to really consider if this relationship is what as our arguments bring out a horrible side of him.
I feel like I don’t want to sit around for a week for him to then turn round and end the relationship. I honestly don’t know how to play this or what to do and I really want to call him and resolve things! What do I do! He’s never asked for space before!

What do you do? You give him the space he has asked for. Do not contact him in the next week. It may be that you or he decide you want to break up in that time but it sounds like you definitely will break up if you don’t give him the space he needs.

It’s all a bit dramatic isn’t it. Why are you meeting up at the moment anyway? Have you heard about the global pandemic?

The last part of your first post clearly states he needs time to think. The arguments are making him unhappy. He makes you unhappy when he’s selfish. You both shout at each other (v unhealthy) and no, I don’t ask people to come over for 10 min cuddles I am an adult (10 years older than you) and although I would be upset if someone didn’t want to talk to me if I was having a hard time or seem to care, I wouldn’t demand they hugged me then had a tantrum when they didn’t want to.

He's doesn't sound abusive to me. He sounds like a guy who needs some space to breathe
He yelled at her, threw thing and hit her.

But it is a toxic relationship. Op youre also telling at him. Thats not a healthy relationship youre describing. It sounds awful. Why would you want to live with someone who you have uncontrollable violent rows with? I wonder what family life was like for you growing up. If you grew up in a toxic home it would have an impact on what you perceive as normal now.

End the relationship and do some work on what a healthy, adult relationship look like. It isnt this. Work on your anger management and dont accept someone being aggressive witH you.

Excuse me if that makes me sound immature this sentence alone makes you sound incredibly immature .

Finally, you should not be mixing households anywAy.

You both sound too immature to be in a relationship, and actually - you aren't supposed to be popping around to each others homes anyway! You both need to grow up, and I doubt you are going to do that in time to save this "relationship".

Your language is very dramatic.

You say he 'demanded' time away from you, then put that he actually said, "I'm OK on my own today" which is very different.

Then you say, you needed a cuddle because you were a 'bit down' then go on to say he wasn't there 'When you needed him most.'

Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected

Sorry, but I think you need to chill a bit. You do sound very needy and you'll push him away if you continue.

You don't sound very compatible to me.

If you insist on contacting him when he's made it this clear he wants space then you'll just convince him to end it.

You said you'd just spent 2.5 days together and it had been lovely, and then you said you needed him to come around again because it was a "time when you needed him most" . That seems like a sudden change - what happened?

Let him go and see if he comes back. Don’t force it and def no contact till he contacts you

You're 29, he clearly is no where near living together. So you have kids, so you plan to? Is he worth sorting around for for the next 5 years?

He's asked for a break so you either give him one or you break up with him. It's literally that simple. He wants time to consider your relationship, he's entitled to that, as are you.

Use this week to decide what you want and who you want to be

Yes. He shouldn't have whacked you with the jacket or whatever it was. He should have removed himself from the situation. Fair enough. But calling another adult a child is not helpful in the least. PP is right. The whole thing sounds toxic.

It all sounds exhausting, I'm personally of the mind that if your rowing before you have even lived together then there isn't much hope for cohabiting...

You sound too needy and he sounds weird keeping tabs on how many days you have spent together. It's been 2 years, it doesn't look like he wants to take the next steps, is there any point carrying on?

@Trina100 I'm sorry, has the news of a global pandemic not reached you? Not being sarcastic, but I'm just baffled that you "needing cuddles" should be an exception when people aren't even allowed to attend loved ones funerals....

I'm sorry op you do sound very codependent, putting all your happiness and expectations on one person can be exhausting for them and have devastating results for you. Are you working at the moment, do you have zoom calls with family/friends etc to take your mind off needing bfs attention

And actually he is removing himself from the situation now. Let him.

Agree you sound like a love sick teenager, I can’t imagine a 29 year old asking someone to ‘come round for a cuddle’ (& surely you should both be staying in your own homes? ).

A break would do you both good.

So, you don't live together but have been seeing each other during lockdown? Then you demand he comes back over because you need a cuddle, but when he doesn't do as you tell him you start an argument?

Why does he have to do as he's told?

You shouldn't be with someone who throws things and whacks you when angry. I have never ever been in a relationship like this, although I read about them a lot on here! I think you need to leave him.

2 years of this? Life is way too short.

he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child.

I don't think he threw anything at op did he? This reads as though he was telling down the phone at her and threw something (as he admitted it. If he'd been with her she would have known, he wouldn't need to admit to it). She does say he whacked her with a jacket but what does that actually mean?

I must admit I thought you were both in your late teens maybe. I feel for you OP but if I was you, I would maybe do something to work on your self esteem & what you really want out of a relationship. What you wrote sounds very hard work in parts. Good luck whatever you decide to do 💐

Yeh id let this go op, its all quite toxic, dramatic, abusive and immature. Give your head a wobble and grow up abit, ringing him up to come and give you 'a cuddle' and 'cheer you up' is abit pathetic really

You wqnted him to come over for 10 minutes?

And when he expressed he wanted to be alone, you got angry. But also you say you understand people needing time alone?

It sounds like you understand needing time alone....only when you think it OK for them to be alone

You both need to grow up and decide what you want out of the relationship and if it’s possible

However it’ s also interesting to know that lockdown appears to have bypassed both you and your boyfriend. Meeting up etc.

"I want a break" is the coward's way of saying it's over. He's fed up of all the drama and neediness.

Grow up. Shouldn’t be Going in between homes anyway...are you aware of what’s going on in the world right now? Or are you two superhuman and not able to spread viruses around?
Some of us haven’t seen our husbands for 8 weeks so seriously, grow up and leave each other alone

100% this relationship will NOT last. Sorry.