My boyfriend demanded a weeks break away from me

[Trina100]

My BF has recently demanded a break away from me for a week with no contact and I don’t know how to handle it.
We have had a few arguments in the past two weeks which have got heated to the point where he has yelled down the phone in a fit of rage, admitted to throwing things and in one arguments he whacked me with her jackets beacuse I called him a child. I know I shouldn’t have called him that and I apologised. Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected.

The past 7 days have been lovely and we’ve got on without arguments until Sunday where I asked him he would come round for 10 mins as I was feeling a bit down and needy and really needed a cuddle. We’d already spent two and half days together the day before so he’s response was “I’m ok on my own today, I’ve already spent 2.5 days with you so I’m ok on my own”! I flipped as I hate when he keeps tabs on how many consecutive days we spend together as it doesn’t leave much hope to eventually living together (we’ve been together for two year already) and I felt disappointed that he refused to be there for me when I needed him the most. He didn’t even asked what was the issue.
Anyway this turned into a shouting fest and know he has brought up other arguments from the past two weeks and have demanded a weeks break/space away from me!

He has always said that he doesn’t do breaks so I can’t help but feel so hurt over this, we speak literally every single day and see each other every two days or so.
He admitted that he needs to really consider if this relationship is what as our arguments bring out a horrible side of him.
I feel like I don’t want to sit around for a week for him to then turn round and end the relationship. I honestly don’t know how to play this or what to do and I really want to call him and resolve things! What do I do! He’s never asked for space before!

If you can't be together for more than 2 days at a time then you're not compatible.

It sounds like he wants it to be over, but doesn't want to say so straight out in case you flip out at him.

Too much drama. Too much neediness. Much too much obsessing about what you want what you need, what he wants, what he needs...its all a bit, well, petulant and immature.
And exhausting
I agree with previous posters. You sound like a lovesick teen obsessing about not enough attention and cuddles from her boyfriend.
And he sounds like an absolute horror. Physically lashing out is crossing a line you do know that don't you?
Best to finish it and spend a bit of time being independent OP

You don't sound very well suited.

You're 29 and got in a strop because he wouldn't come over for ten minutes to give you a cuddle? Am I reading that right?

He shouldn't even be at your house at the moment.

I asked him he would come round for 10 mins as I was feeling a bit down and needy and really needed a cuddle.

Wow. I haven't seen my long-term partner for eight weeks because households aren't allowed to mix yet. I'm feeling massively down about it today and then read this and find out that some people appear to be carrying on as if nothing's going on.

Can't be bothered to offer advice OP.

Oh god I would vomit a little if my partner anted me to to come over for a cuddle because he was feeling needy. Was this really an example of when you "needed him the most?" He doesn't sound very into the relationship and I'm sorry, because two years is a while to not live together. You'll find someone else.

Why are you not observing social distancing?

You have some kind of special dispensation to snuggle with him during lockdown, do you?

The whole relationship is a non-starter, by the way.

How do you handle it? You walk away as this relationship clearly isn't working.

I don't think you're compatible. Do you really want to continue going on like this?

Agree with PP... Even if he comes out of this "break" saying that he's decided not to end the relationship, it doesn't seem like it has what it takes to develop into a enduring cohabitation. If you're not happy with a relationship where you don't live together (and I certainly wouldn't be), then it's probably going to end, sooner or later.

You're not compatible.

*an

I wouldn't have thought he'd have been able to come round to yours so frequently at the moment, we aren't supposed to mix households.

You do sound like hard work, op. A break might be a good idea, giving you both time to re-evaluate the relationship. Don't you ever fancy a break from seeing him? A lot of people are getting on each other's nerves at the moment but if it is more than that, it needs to be sorted.

OP it may not be what you want to hear right now, but this could be a good thing. It doesn't really sound like you're compatible. Seems like he needs his own space a bit more than you do. Also the way he handles himself in an argument seems quite abusive to me. I would not call him and I would actually just assume the relationship has ended.

How long have you been together?

Sorry OP,
I agree with PP that the relationship sounds toxic. You should not be with a man who you often think is disrespecting you such that you continually start arguments with him. A good relationship doesn’t have all the drama that yours seems to have. You need breaks after being together for only a few days. It must be exhausting for both of you.

I don’t think your necessarily immature as others have said, more attracted to a type of man that you are not long term compatible with.

I too think it is over. Usually the request for a break is a prelude to ending things.

This relationship cannot work You want something that he can't or won't give. You feel he's selfish, but we don't know anything about why you think that, on your behaviour or his. He has shown that he has a temper, and that isn't going to go away after a week.

The right thing to do is to end it. You find someone who is on the same emotional wavelength as you because he isn't the one. And he gets to find out whether he has deep seated anger and is like this with every partner, or whether it really was something about the way you are.

To clarify whist we are all obliged to social distance ourself. We both have our own homes and live alone. We had been isolating together for a number of weeks until I decided to move back to my own home as I had been unforloughed and could start working from home again. Neither of us have any family here where we live and have only been in the house and out for walks. So I wouldn't say we’ve put anyone at risk.

You need to have a think about things too.

You two are basically incompatible. You are not unreasonable to want a bf who you will eventually live with but he's not unreasonable to find your goal claustrophobic. It sounds like he's not ready for serious relationships and should just date around instead.

He is very unreasonable to lose his shit but I think you're unreasonable to try and change him. If he's to "grow up" and be more serious about his relationship it needs to be because he wants that. Not because you've got him on a leash. Ironically a week's break is a mature thing to do. Also his recognition that the fights are bringing out a nasty side to him is positive.

From an outside point of view you should definitely break up. You want different things from the relationship and neither of you should have to compromise on that

It sounds like he handled it quite badly but I would find someone asking me to come around (during a pandemic lockdown of all times) to give them a hug really stifling. It sounds fairly toxic all round.

It may be the pressure of these unusual times, but it doesn't sound like you're compatible. You need a lot of reassurance and sound fairly clingy but he either isn't equipped to give that or isn't overly bothered. Someone who loves you shouldn't make you feel insecure: either he's not that into you or you need to do a bit of work on yourself.

I don't think living together would be a great idea and it doesn't sound as if he does either. I would spend the time apart doing a lot of soul searching as to whether he's really right for you.

He hit you with jackets in anger? As in, mid argument physically hit you with the jackets?

My Ex (also abusive) tried to pull this crap with me. He said he needed to take a day to really think about whether or not we were going to work (basically, he kept trying to control me and I kept biting back, causing arguments - we had been together for 6 months by then).

I dumped him, saying I have more self worth than to sit around waiting for him to decide whether or not I was worthy of his effort to stop being such a controlling twat.

I don't do breaks. I would rather work on the problems than run away from them and if someone isn't willing to do that then they aren't worth a lifetime with.

It sounds as if it the relationship just isn't working out. If you need closure from him then call him and say is this over or not.

Most of the arguments start because I think he is being selfish or shows lack of care towards my feelings or I feel disrespected
So what is the actual point of him?
Really look at this relationship.
You have a week to do this.
Understand what he really brings to the table in terms of supporting you and you him.
It's probably a very one way relationship.
But, he'd not long been home and you wanted him to come out and give you a hug - sorry OP but that does sound really needy.
No-one likes needy or clingy.

Please respect his boundary here.
He wants NC for 1 week.
If you just call him you will be showing him that you don't give a shit about his wants or needs and will be totally disrespecting the fact he has asked you for some space.
If you need to, then block him for a week so you are not tempted to contact him.
Take this week to reflect very seriously on your life and life goals.