Is unhappiness a valid reason to leave?

[TrashCat]

Hi everyone

First poster here, long time lurker so bare with :)

I have been married to my OH for 10 years and im bored. Not just bored but unhappy and have the vibe we just dont click.
I mean, he's fine, he provides, has never hurt me physically, is placid but he also is very detached from me and the kids. He doesnt get involved with the children, to take them out, play games, or interact with them at all. If anything, they usually stay out of his way as he doesnt understand, tho he should as theyre all around 10, that kids like be loud, silly and have fun.
Im the one that plays with them, teaches them, takes them for walks, plays computer games, well everything!
Hes not very affectionate, very logical and im the opposite, im a wild haired artist who loves practical jokes and hugs from behind, tho i dont think ive ever had one from him...

Question is, is leaving because he hasnt really got a presence and im virtually bringing up the kids alone a reason worth leaving? I have no savings, and he does provide financially. Although in my situation, i can get help finding a house, due to his occupation.

Hes nice, but thats it. When hes home he just looks at his phone looking at ways to save, buy a house, which he really wants to do...
Ive expressed doubts as the above mentioned, but hes hasnt changed and he wont.
Im literally single sleeping in the same bed as my housemate, i dont feel loved at all

I'm in this situation, however it went too far with me burying my head and distracting myself with the house, kids work etc to distract from the fact we just aren't that compatible and I met someone else.

We have now separated but are still living together due to lockdown, no idea for how much longer. He's in denial about it all I think. I told him in April, after counselling, how I felt, he sort of accepts it at times but its up and down. I'm so scared and I've been overthinking and obsessing over my decision but when he told me he accepted it the relief I felt was huge. Just looking at places to live makes me feel excited. He's a very good man but I dont have any attraction for him, I don't want to have sex, we've had wonderful years and times together but there was always something not quite right. I have become passive aggressive, resentful and just not myself around him, after years of him being emotionally shut down and pretty useless with the kids.
So yes it's painful and every hurdle is horrible and gut wrenching... Next is telling the kids as nd others, him moving out.. But I do know that in under a year I will be happier.
Yes, maybe I should settle, maybe I could wait it out, keep busy, lose myself in friends... Maybe the attraction wanes and could come back...maybe I'm too old for it yo make any difference in 10 years or do... Maybe I'll end up on my own (the one thing I think I'd enjoy is not having this lurking silent precence in the house) But I'm willing to take the chance that isn't the case, I want to be with someone I want to grab and cuddle, whose smell I like, who makes me laugh.. I had a little taste of that and it spurred me to make the change, after 5 ish years of being unfulfilled.

We all deserve to be happy

This is me also.
Married aged 19, been married now for 17 years. He’s 10 years my senior. We have nothing in common, I married too young, too quickly.
He financially provides but that’s it. I have no access to joint finances and never have. Now the golf courses are open again he was back there all weekend, exactly as pre lockdown. We’ve two children but he’s always spent his weekends at the golf club or with his family. If he is at home he doesn’t get up until mid afternoon if not at work. He’s never given me a lie in since having the dc, he also never changed a nappy, did a night feed, did a bathtime or bedtime. Nothing.
I rarely see him tbh.
It’s not enough.

Has anyone ever shown their partner a thread on here to convey how they're feeling. I would love to print this all out and give it to dh to read, and see that it's not just me. Look how many of us feel the same. Whenever we talk about things, I feel as if I can't justify how I feel, or give real reasons why I can't go on like this, and I feel maybe I'm overreacting or being unrealistic, and then I back down. My friend at work split up with her husband last year, telling him she just didn't love him, he left, they're both with new partners now and the kids are fine. This is all I want! For everyone to be happy! I'm about to go on furlough again next week, and am dreading the thought of trying to avoid him around the house all day every day. I can't look him in the eye, I just feel really crap for wanting him to go, but that's how I feel. I need to get this weight off me and start living. I don't feel like me when he's around (the passive aggressive, resentful thing is so not me either @Stegasaurusmum) and I want to be myself with someone who will just let me. I also seem to have found that with someone, and the longer I hang on and hang on and don't do anything about it, the more likely I'll lose this new thing and never find out what I could have had xx