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Original poster

naming baby without me

123 replies

ferj · 14/05/2020 20:19

I would just like to know how people would feel about their partner naming a newborn and announcing the new name at birth to our entire families without telling you.

When our second child was born, my wife had decided on a name and announced the news of the birth and the name to both our families & friends without my knowledge.

I was suprised by this, and when managed to talk about it and find out why she did that, she said she wanted to get the name first, and have the named she wanted. I was a bit upset from this, our first child was named by her too, she softly asked me for a certain name she loved in the hospital in bed a few days after birth & I didn't have the heart to say no.

The second babies name I honestly hated, but asked to tweak it just slightly so she wouldn't lose face in front of everyone.

I'm curious how others would respond to this.

OP posts:
FourPlasticRings · 14/05/2020 20:23

Hmm. A tad selfish, yes. But she did all the heavy lifting to get the kid into the world and post birth hormones can make you certifiable. I'd probably be feeling hurt and quite annoyed. I'd either insist on it being changed to one I could at least stand the sound of or choose a nickname to refer to the child as forevermore.

Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:31

I would just like to add that our 2nd was via IVF. I was heavily involved in the IVF process, controlling and administering all medications, controlling the medication schedule, all communications with doctors, all travel, all visits, all payments and all decisions including the very last pre-embryo implant meeting (my wife didn't know what to do). I felt the preciousness of the entire experience made the naming situation a bit more sad....

OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/05/2020 20:37

I would have been furious...I had agreed all names with my partner before announcing to anyone....I am surprised your being so calm

BumbleBeee69 · 14/05/2020 20:37

how utterly bizarre of her.. why would she not even tell you ?

Undomesticgodde55 · 14/05/2020 20:38

But she did all the heavy lifting to get the kid into the world and post birth hormones can make you certifiable.

Hmmm, agreed it's hard on our bodies however it's not the OP's fault he was born male. It was a joint decision to have a baby so the naming should be joint too.

Lonelymum11 · 14/05/2020 20:39

I'd be livid. I would never do this to DH.

Had you discussed names before she announced one?

Peridotty · 14/05/2020 20:40

That is really weird! didn't you guys discuss baby names before the birth? so you didn't decide on any names before she/he was born?

Mama05 · 14/05/2020 20:41

I do think it’s insensitive to chose and then announce to everyone without speaking to you first.

If Someone did that to me I’d be majorly fucked off. Even down to the spelling - imo it needs to be agreed on before any announcements are made.

doughnutmuffin · 14/05/2020 20:41

I'd like to know if you'd discussed names too?! I'm 21 weeks pregnant and it feels like we've already been discussing names for ages

SeriouslySoDoneIn · 14/05/2020 20:42

Hmm

Windyatthebeach · 14/05/2020 20:42

My ndn had the opposite issue.
Many years ago her dh went to register their dd Samantha..
Came back and said hello to Amanda!!. Shock
Can you imagine??
Grin

Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:43

She said she wanted the name she wanted, and, did it because she wanted the name she wanted. im a reasonable fair person, i wouldn't push for any name she didn't like which is why i found it strange. i dont know the real reason.

Actually this was a few months ago. there are other things that have happened but im finding out that im repressing feelings and im not sure why

she announced the pregnancy to everyone including my own family without telling me. the IVF process was stressful, we did it alone in in mainland europe, I handled everything so it was smooth as possible but still stressful internally.

OP posts:
sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/05/2020 20:44

Windyatthebeach i never understand why woman are not present at the registering of the birth

Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:45

We did talk about names, briefly, we didn't know the gender (I preferred to wait for the surprise). No name was agreed and assumed we would discuss after the birth.

OP posts:
Spillinteas · 14/05/2020 20:45

Grin heavily involved with the IVF process!

Sorry love but you really wasn’t. I’ve had two IVF babies and just because you jabbed her a few times with the needle or popped some tablets out of a blister pack doesn’t mean you did your fair share! Brilliant 😂😂😂 really tickled me that!

It’s a bit shit but she probably knew you wouldn’t like the name. She did do all the work. You just chivved off in a little tub...

sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/05/2020 20:45

you have bigger issues ferj i cant believe she would announce her pregnancy before telling you

sunflowersandtulips50 · 14/05/2020 20:48

I have just read your other threads and your wife has a habit of telling people things behind your back including your family...

lemontreebird · 14/05/2020 20:48

Perhaps she didn't want to have to softly ask you about the second name as well, in case you did 'have the heart to say no'.

TARSCOUT · 14/05/2020 20:48

I think it's a sign that she's not at all interested in your opinion. Says more about her than it does about you i'm afraid. Maybe she did do the 'hard work' but she couldn't have done it without your donation!

Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:52

Hi spillineteas, I had initial meetings with the dr to confirm the medication protocols ahead of time, purchased all the medication and froze it ahead of time, administered all the medications, planned all the dates all the meetings & ensure we understood everything. I ensured we had all the right pre-tests done, diet changed, vitamins, supplements bought and shipped ahead of time, coordinated all travel all dates, chose the best clinic out of 20 based on many technological options i.e. fragmentation screening and ensured all travel back was safe for her. We had blood transfusions 6 months prior, injecting my white blood cells from my blood to hers to cure her immunological issue, I also had surgery myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:53

hi lemontreebird, im not sure what you mean. the first name was the same, we had ideas but we would wait for the birth and see. im not a great fan of the name but i felt she had gone through so much i wanted to respect her desire

OP posts:
amillionwishes · 14/05/2020 20:56

Sorry but knowing the IVF process and how it fucks with a woman's body I don't care if you picked the clinic and ordered the drugs.

She still should have consulted you on baby names though.

But don't use that "I played a big part" shit as leverage. You've no idea.

Savingshoes · 14/05/2020 20:58

I would be livid.
I agree that IVF is very emotionally and physically involved for both mum and dad, perhaps just differently.
She sounds very controlling. It's a joint decision between both parents.

Original poster
ferj · 14/05/2020 20:59

Hi amillionwishes, 100% agree. Given that it's alot more demanding on both partners compared to the natural way of conception, I felt a more shared sense of preciousness over the entire experience

OP posts:
MammytoElla · 14/05/2020 21:00

I think it was wrong of your to announce the name without you both agreeing on a name. I had a girls name I liked for years. We didn't know what we were having like yourselves. I mentioned it to my husband and he liked it. We had no boys names so we decided to wait till the baby was born. When she came he was ecstatic and immediately called her Ella and that's how we decided.

@Spillinteas I find your comment hurtful and rude. My husband didn't administer any injections for IVF (on round one I ended up injecting for 8 weeks in total). I felt we were in it together. We were going through the same emotional turmoil. Yes women go through the physical side which was 100% easier than the mental side. I couldn't do it in a cup either!