new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

So, DP came over yesterday. We spent the afternoon both working from home in different rooms and then watched TV with a bottle of wine in the evening. It was nicer than meeting outdoors but I woke up at 4am this morning and my brain started telling me how unhappy I was... it's not just that we weren't doing normal stuff together when we were only meeting outdoors, it was the lack of intimacy that was getting to me. I felt like I was battling to keep a relationship going when we didn't really have a relationship anymore, we felt were more like friends.

Anyway, when he woke up I told him how I felt. He'd assumed we were going to see each other at home but keep our distance, but I explained that's not what I wanted. So this morning we made up for that misunderstanding... and yes that is a euphemism

I feel better now. I don't care if the neighbours saw him arrive or leave. I have no idea if anyone did see him out of their window and ignorance is definitely bliss in this case!

I'm starting to get my head around the idea that it's really unlikely we'll catch the virus off each other or that he'll pass it to my kids via the furniture, but I'll still be going around with the cleaning products later!!

I'm still not totally relaxed, my anxiety won't let me be, but at least I can see a future for our relationship again.

@booboo24 How are you feeling about seeing your DP, are you feeling any less worried?

@firebrand yaaaayyyyyyy!!

So pleased - you don’t have to listen to this stupid nanny state !

My dp is coming tonight for the weekend and I can’t waiiiitttt to shag him madly !

@booboo24 don’t worry ! It’ll be fine

You know you can fly across the world on a plane right now if you want ? Yet can’t be with your partner . Mental - I’m just not taking any notice of this rubbish

My dp is coming tonight for the weekend and I can’t waiiiitttt to shag him madly !
@Sunnydays123456 this made me genuinely LOL!

I'm looking forward to the next time DP comes over, in about another week... like you say, it makes zero sense that you can fly across the world and all the other ridiculous rules.. life is too short to not shag each other madly

(that said, expect me to panic if I so much as get a tickly throat over the next couple of weeks or so )

My DH is military and works away during the week living in the mess. He can mix with 60 recruits and they’ve abandoned any social distancing pretence. Yet he comes home to me every weekend!

I’ve been staying with my parents this week!

I'm still enraged by this whole situation. I have a teenager who is risk averse and anxious so I can't have my partner to stay until we get the government OK. Community transmission is low. We have both been careful about our interactions to protect each other. And now we can go to work, get on a bus, send our kids to school, queue for Ikea etc but he can't sit on my sofa?! If public transmission was high I would understand the measures, even if I believe there should be an element of self risk assessment. But at the moment it seems farcical and a complete disregard of my liberty.

So yesterday we went in his car to pick up a popular fast food meal, he ate it with me in my dining room and we had a cuddle on my sofa. It was lovely. Although it seemed so ridiculous we were breaking the law. And did to my teenager and nosy neighbours he wasn't able to stay the night.

So what happens when restaurants and holiday locations open? Will the legislation finally change or will you be expected to provide proof of address to show you are from the same household?!

Just seen that Ireland are going to start to allow visitors in to homes. Hopefully that will beg the question here.

Ooh yeah hopefully dear @boohoo !

Some encouraging reporting..back to hugs?

Hmmmm, that seems to be the social bubbles idea which was talked about ages ago but with more UK research behind it... fingers crossed!

Bloody hope so, I didn't realise how much of a goody goody I was until it came to this!!!

@Sunnydays123456 @firebrand123 Firebrand, I'm so glad you saw him, I caved yesterday, he came over in the morning and as it tipped it down all day we were clearly in the house. He parked down the road but im not under any illusion that the neighbours didn't realise. It was so lovely, just having him here, being able to sit cuddled up on the sofa, having a drink together, just pottering about etc was worth the risk, although I was a bit jumpy incase the police turned up! He did the walk of shame on his way out this morning and I'm now embarrassed to show my face, but it was amazing and those few hours of normality were bliss.

You were right too, that once I've done it ot won't feel as bad next time (I'll probably worry myself to death still though nearer the time!)

@Notcoolmum
I agree, I'm worried that this still won't be allowed, that it will still be with members of your own household too, it seems never ending

@booboo yaaaayyy!! So pleased for you! Don’t be ashamed !!!! Hold your head high xx

@sunnydays123456 Haha I am going to stick my head out the door after dinner so I'll let you know if I've been exhiled later!!!!

Yay @booboo24!!!!! So glad you saw him and enjoyed it, even with the nerves. How were the neighbours? Are you going to see him again soon? DP will be over next weekend. I'm thinking of asking him to come over for the whole weekend this time. In for a penny and all that...

We had our 3rd socially distant walk today. It’s nice to see him but in another way its horrible. It almost feels like we’ve split up and we’re staying friends and going for a walk together! That definitely isn’t what’s happening, we’re both committed to the relationship, but the physical distance between us is so difficult.
I casually mentioned to my teen DS this evening that after the end of June we might say “sod it”, and he went ballistic - lecturing me about risks, all the wasted effort of lockdown etc etc. It’s left me feeling even more sad and powerless. It feels like we’re going to be judged by the world unless we stay apart for ever.

DP is shielding. I am a nurse. We live 20 miles apart.I have been shopping for him since the start and maybe a back garden distanced chat. To be honest I feel like it has changed the relationship to more of a carer one. He is almost scared of me because he knows I have regular contact with people with covid. To be honest I don't know how it can ever return to normal...

@Otter71 that sounds really difficult. I agree that your relationship has changed to a carer one. I’m not sure what you can do. Could you be old fashioned and send each other love letters and have a regular glass of wine with him in the garden. Try to make it a bit more fun?

@Mintychoc1 That's exactly how I was feeling and I was really struggling. I think there are lots who will judge us for breaking the rules and meeting indoors, but there are also plenty who won't. You've got to do what's best for you. Your teen is just demonstrating good socially aware behaviour, but he isn't old enough to understand the grey areas bless him. Ultimately you'll be a better mum if you have good mental health, so do what's right for you xx

@Otter71 That is so hard for you. Maybe as the rules for shielding people relax he might start to feel better? I hope you can find a way to bring the relationship back to what it was

@Otter71 my kids were a bit like this then I sat them down and explained how much I love my partner , the only reason we are apart is for our kids ‘ sake (so as not to disrupt their schooling etc) and that the (tiny as we think we have both had it !) risk was worth taking

@Mintychoc1 I just read my post again, it sounds like I'm saying your DS can't understand.. that's not what I meant, just that the grey areas won't be something he immediately gets, but as Sunnydays says, I'm sure if you sat him down and explained he would understand

@coffeeandbeans @firebrand123 Thanks for your kind words. Wine the garden isn't likely to help - one of us would have to drive home - probably me and he is very risk averse. I think it has just taught me a lot though and is maybe meant to show me a new way forward, just not sure yet... We were together almost a year pre lockdown. We do video call even if my teenage daughter had to show me how. He has said repeatedly that I can only be closer if I at least have known antibodies. I am having the test next week but obviously who knows the result yet or whether there will be further conditions. I guess though that it is maybe making me question more things too. My mother and her partner,. both late 70s are in a similar position and seem to have at least a way more balanced approach to it all. Dp is insisting on chloroxing everything or a week's quarantine if it can wait for supermarket shopping so I wouldn't be surprised...

@Otter71 that does sound hard. My suggestion is to back off from a caring role and let him make his own arrangements. Then maybe do a bit of video chatting... so he can see how much he's missing you..?

@Otter71 I can see why this would make you question things. It must be so hard dealing with a partner who is so extremely risk adverse. I'm not great, I leave my non-perishable shopping out for 3 days, I leave post for 3 days, I wipe things I can't leave down with disinfectant wipes... that's my anxiety telling me I have to do everything I can... I just got to the point where my need to preserve my relationship has quietened that voice enough for me to see DP. If your DP can't get to a similar place then it is so, so hard for you.

I don't know his history, clearly if he's shielding he has health concerns, but I guess it comes down to whether you feel like you're in this together or not and like you say, if the approach is balanced. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but sending you a virtual hug xx