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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pissed off with my DH .... would you be if you were me?

106 replies

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 20:27

I have changed my name for this just in case, but it wouldn't be rocket science to work out who I am if you really wanted to ...

Be warned ... very long post coming up. Anyway, my DH is perfect in so many ways. He is a fantastic father, great husband. He does ironing, washing, shopping, looks after the children whenever I need to, works hard, supports us really well. The only thing he can't do is breastfeed. I love him to bits and usually feel very lucky to have him.

But ... every so often he lets me down and I get so cross and angry and I don't know what to do about it. It is always in the same way.

This is what happened. Yesterday it was his birthday. I worked hard to plan a nice day for him. Bought him some lovely presents, organised a nice day out for all of us for today, organised a treasure hunt for him and DS to do to find his presents. It was fun. I also baked him a lovely cake and sent it to work with him. I organised a baby sitter for last night and he booked a table at a posh restaurant ... we decided to really splash out this year.

A week ago he told me that there was a leaving do on the same night for someone at work but he was relieved it was his birthday as he had a perfect excuse to not go.

So... half an hour before we went out last night he said that he was under pressure to join everyone from work after our dinner. My heart sank because I knew exactly what was going to happen.

I tarted myself up, we went out ... spent stupid amounts of money on a meal and at 10.30 ended up having a mini row because he wanted to put me in a taxi home and go and join his work mates (had to be home for babysitter at 11). I got into a taxi feeling crap. Sent him a text telling him that and he told me he loved me and promised not to be late.

I got home ... I can never sleep when he isn't here so I had a long bath, came on to mumsnet for a bit and eventually at 12.30 went to bed. Read my book. Fell asleep at 1am. DD woke at 2am for her dummy. DH not home. So I texted him. Got a text back from one of his mates at work telling me to give DH a break, it was his bithday. A few lighthearted texts were exchanged ending in a phone call from DH, a bit squiffy telling me he'd be home soon.
I fell asleep at 3am.
DD woke me up at 5.50am.
No sign of DH ...
DS woke up at 6.15am ... still no DH
I phoned him and basically told him that he was a w@nker and not to bother coming home. He was at this time in a taxi on his way home ... a total dribbling wreck.
When he got home at 6.40am I made him go straight to bed (he was all pissed and affectionate ... yuk .. and smelly) so that DS wouldn't see him in that state.

I feel sooooo resentful and angry ... I hate it when he does this. What was worse is that about an hour later DS went into our room (unbeknownst to me) to wake up Daddy and DH was in such a drunken coma that he pushed DS out of the bed and turned over ... DS was distraught because he couldn't wake Daddy up. This has made me fume to such a point that I don't know what to do with myself.

Ok ... rant over ... sort of ...

Would you be pissed off with your DH if he did this?

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 08/10/2004 20:31

TBH yes I effing would be!!
do you mind me asking, but where'd he been until that time??

nutcracker · 08/10/2004 20:31

Yes i bloody well would.

Beccarollover · 08/10/2004 20:31

In a word yes.

Sounds very similar to my DP - he can be very wonderful and sometimes I do feel very lucky to have him but sometimes I get so f**ing annoyed as he does things like this too.

He is a grown up man now but still seems to be unable to deal with peer pressure. Do you think this is the same with your DH?

zebra · 08/10/2004 20:31

No, I don't think I would be angry at him.
But... maybe I don't understand why it so annoyed you. Because he changed his mind? Because you wanted him to yourself on his Birthday? Because he got so pissed? You couldn't sleep...the kids saw him drunk? It doesn't sound like he does any of this very often... if he can't be a bit selfish on his birthday, when can he? Don't we all deserve a day off? Do you never get a day off?

JuniperDewdrop · 08/10/2004 20:32

God yes!!! I'm seething for you. How often does stuff like this happen and what the are his mates doing texting you? How old are they for God's sake??

Skate · 08/10/2004 20:33

Pissed off?? I'd have had to hide the kitchen knives from myself.

I would be FUMING!

Like you, my dh is fantastic but occasionally does something equally stupid and I go MENTAL!!!

For me, it would be the fact that you'd worked so hard for his birthday and then he'd 'buggered off'. If it was just a normal night out with work, I'd still be mad but in this situation I'd feel really insulted.

PUshing your ds out of the bed is not on either. This would make me really sad and cross.

Hope you can kiss and make up soon though as it sounds like you've got a 'good un'.

Mosschops30 · 08/10/2004 20:33

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jellyhead · 08/10/2004 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jimjams · 08/10/2004 20:33

I'd hit the roof!!!!

Easy · 08/10/2004 20:34

Yes you are right. My dh says he had no excuse to ruin the evening for you, less excuse to upset your son, and should be more bl**dy grown up.

BTW I know I'm naive, but where does a guy go to keep drinking until 6:30 a.m.? And how much did he spend on this p*ss-fest (cos I'd be angry about that too)

bonniej · 08/10/2004 20:34

YES YES YES I would. My dh is very similar. He doesn't do it often but when he does he always goes too far and stays out all night. I don't know about you but I wouldn't do this to my dh especially as it was his birthday night. I think you were right to be very angry with him. Also there's nothing worse than the smell of stale booze mixed with the aftershave they put on before they went out.

Lisa78 · 08/10/2004 20:34

No, feelingangry, I wouldn't be at all pissed off.

Pissed off doesn't cover it - I would be angry, upset and (cos of the text from a work mate) feel a bit humiliated too. If my DH did this to me, I would tell him to make his tiny mind up if he wanted to be a husband and father, or behave like a single man in his late teens - and if it was the latter, to fuck off back to his work mates.

I am absolutely rabid on your behalf (and no, not a clue who you are!!!)

Going out to works do after night out with you is not on. Getting that pissed is not on. And coming home at that sort of time is absolutely, totally unacceptable, however wonderful he is the rest of the time

very utterly, f"£%^&*(, manically

cp3 · 08/10/2004 20:35

My dp does this about 3 times a year and i get sooooooo angry. It takes me ages to get over it!! I end up feeling so hurt.

Cant offer advice, sorry but i just hope you have fun making up. Try and remember all the good things he does at what a perfect partner and Father he is when he isnt being such a total arse

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:35

I would be beyond angry. ANd boy would he know it.

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:36

And I would be after his mates nuts on a plate for trying to tell me how I should feel as well.

Socci · 08/10/2004 20:36

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charliecatthenonsmoker · 08/10/2004 20:36

I would be fuming upset and raging. I would also seriously consider doing the same myself to let him know how it feels.

tammybear · 08/10/2004 20:38

I would be very . It wouldnt be so bad if he had let you know what time he'd come home and come home at that time! Not staggering home at 7am when the kids are waking up especially when he wasnt too keen to go in 1st place! And for his mates to be txting you to give him a break!

cat82 · 08/10/2004 20:39

very, very, very annoyed

My Dp is exactly the same, perfect in almost all ways, but sometimes...grrrr. The other night he went got wrecked, staggered in at 4.30am (he promised to call if he was going to be later than midnight, and didn't) and i found him at 5.00am naked, in our 4 and a half month baby's room PEEING on MY rocking chair thinking it was the toilet!!!!!!!!

Absolutly fumed with him for weeks for that one.

MistressMary · 08/10/2004 20:40

I think the last bit would be the bit that would seriously anger me on this.

Lisa78 · 08/10/2004 20:41

so sorry cat, but started laughing at the rocking chair bit...

Personne · 08/10/2004 20:41

Have changed my name for this. Yes. Extremely. My DH does this once or twice a year (tho not out so late) and ends up with a stinking hangover the next day - might not feel up to eating till the next evening. It drives me round the bend - I just don't like seeing him out of control like that, and having to deal with self inflicted illness the next day!. And once when I went out with him whilst PG when he got drunk, he told me how much he loved a female colleague of his very much . I was hell to live with when PG for various reasons, but still not nice.

All I can suggest is that you have "virtual" hangovers - i.e. that he waits on you hand and foot (as he would have to do if you chose to be incapacitated with a hangover).

Oh and I hope you made lots of loud noise this morning, throwing open curtains and singing breezily.

bonniej · 08/10/2004 20:41

I tried to do the same myself when my dh stayed out all night a few months ago. I arranged a night out with work colleagues. Two didn't turn up and the others had to be home after about an hour. I stayed out for an amazing two hours. I was contemplating sitting in the garden shed for the rest of the night so I had him worried. He found it quite amusing that my revenge had gone so wrong

pollyanna · 08/10/2004 20:42

Feeling Angry, my dh did this last night too! He rolled in about 4.15 completely pissed and had been smoking . He didn't phone me at all at any stage during the evening, so I had no idea where he was. I was really angry as he had taken today off because it is my dd1s birthday and he spent the entire day knackered and hungover. So yes, I would be (and was) completely pissed off.

Socci · 08/10/2004 20:42

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