Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Pissed off with my DH .... would you be if you were me?

106 replies

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 20:27

I have changed my name for this just in case, but it wouldn't be rocket science to work out who I am if you really wanted to ...

Be warned ... very long post coming up. Anyway, my DH is perfect in so many ways. He is a fantastic father, great husband. He does ironing, washing, shopping, looks after the children whenever I need to, works hard, supports us really well. The only thing he can't do is breastfeed. I love him to bits and usually feel very lucky to have him.

But ... every so often he lets me down and I get so cross and angry and I don't know what to do about it. It is always in the same way.

This is what happened. Yesterday it was his birthday. I worked hard to plan a nice day for him. Bought him some lovely presents, organised a nice day out for all of us for today, organised a treasure hunt for him and DS to do to find his presents. It was fun. I also baked him a lovely cake and sent it to work with him. I organised a baby sitter for last night and he booked a table at a posh restaurant ... we decided to really splash out this year.

A week ago he told me that there was a leaving do on the same night for someone at work but he was relieved it was his birthday as he had a perfect excuse to not go.

So... half an hour before we went out last night he said that he was under pressure to join everyone from work after our dinner. My heart sank because I knew exactly what was going to happen.

I tarted myself up, we went out ... spent stupid amounts of money on a meal and at 10.30 ended up having a mini row because he wanted to put me in a taxi home and go and join his work mates (had to be home for babysitter at 11). I got into a taxi feeling crap. Sent him a text telling him that and he told me he loved me and promised not to be late.

I got home ... I can never sleep when he isn't here so I had a long bath, came on to mumsnet for a bit and eventually at 12.30 went to bed. Read my book. Fell asleep at 1am. DD woke at 2am for her dummy. DH not home. So I texted him. Got a text back from one of his mates at work telling me to give DH a break, it was his bithday. A few lighthearted texts were exchanged ending in a phone call from DH, a bit squiffy telling me he'd be home soon.
I fell asleep at 3am.
DD woke me up at 5.50am.
No sign of DH ...
DS woke up at 6.15am ... still no DH
I phoned him and basically told him that he was a w@nker and not to bother coming home. He was at this time in a taxi on his way home ... a total dribbling wreck.
When he got home at 6.40am I made him go straight to bed (he was all pissed and affectionate ... yuk .. and smelly) so that DS wouldn't see him in that state.

I feel sooooo resentful and angry ... I hate it when he does this. What was worse is that about an hour later DS went into our room (unbeknownst to me) to wake up Daddy and DH was in such a drunken coma that he pushed DS out of the bed and turned over ... DS was distraught because he couldn't wake Daddy up. This has made me fume to such a point that I don't know what to do with myself.

Ok ... rant over ... sort of ...

Would you be pissed off with your DH if he did this?

OP posts:

NomDePlume · 08/10/2004 20:44

I'd be absolutely f**king FURIOUS. You are totally in the right here, birthday or not he was out of order.

unicorn · 08/10/2004 20:44

yes I would be totally fuming...

However, perhaps the way forward is to allow each other some 'me' time... whereby you can do stupid things like this (if you really want) without he pressure of family /kids... ie next time.. tell him he must book into a hotel or stay at a friends if he wants to behave like that, as it is not appropriate for family life/kids.

Meanwhile I would plan your own weekend away with the girls!!!

JuniperDewdrop · 08/10/2004 20:44

Awww bonniej come through here for a night out and we can sit in the park 'til 6am with a bottle or two once the clubs shut

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:44

Bonnie, comment about staying in the shed, HILARIOUS!

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:45

Not that you didn't have a nice night, the vision of you doing it out of spite I meant!

emmatmg · 08/10/2004 20:48

This could so easily be me talking about my Dh.

Whenever he goes out (which to be fair isn't very often nowadays) he'll say he'll be home at X and I'm always awake 2,3,4 hours later wondering if he's been found dead in a gutter.

Feelingangry, if your Dh is feeling hungover now please get the loudest and most annoying toy you can find and selotape, no actually superglue the switch to on and then strap it to his head. Really tight!

I think your Dh is lucky you just feel angry. I'd be, and have been, f*cking murderous!!!!!

cat82 · 08/10/2004 20:48

Took a while before i saw the funny side Lisa78...but yeah, now i even giggle about it with Dp occasionaly.

Original poster

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 20:51

Wow ... feel overwhelmed at the response in just 15 minutes ...
Thank you mumsnet.
I am so relieved that you would feel the same way. I spent all last night tossing and turning, with my stomach in knots, seething and questioning whether I was out of order for being such a nag.
He does this every so often ... and has done it since our relationship began. It is the only fly in the ointment in what is pretty much a perfect relationship.
It is peer pressure. For some reason he regresses to a teenager when he is with other blokes and they know it and all of them use him for it. I have seen countless of his friends do the right thing and stop the boys nights out as soon as they get married and have kids but then some other single bloke befriends DH and he has a new friend to out with.

OP posts:

Mum2Ela · 08/10/2004 20:51

Umm, yes and no.

I would be really pissed off that he came in around 6am on what I call a 'school nite' (not the weekend).

I wouldn't be pissed off that he was totally drunk off his face.

Aren't we all allowed to do it sometimes? I know I can't wait til I am no longer PG to have a proper drinkie!

bonniej · 08/10/2004 20:51

Why is it that they find it impossible to be home when they say? If they arrange to stay out all night, then fine, but they always promise to be back by a certain time. They come home hours late, pissed, stinking and we get the blame for moaning if we say anything.

Mum2Ela · 08/10/2004 20:53

Sorry, FeelingAngry - our posts crossed.

Can I ask why its the 'right thing' for him not to go out with mates once married with children?

Piffleoffagus · 08/10/2004 20:53

oh man not much time to go into detail but my dh would be paying for that for a while, I do hope he has solicitously tried to make it up to you
xxx

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:54

If dh goes on one of those sessions now, I just tell him not to come home that night, and to stay elsewhere.

NomDePlume · 08/10/2004 20:54

My DH does this prob about once every 6 weeks ish. It makes me furious, but I do now say to him that he can stay out but he has to sleep over at a mate's house as I don't want him clattering in, stinking and trying to dry hump me at 3am.

A friednd of mine thinks it's odd that I would rather he stayed out all night, but I trust him 100% and I'd much rather get him back at 10am the next morning showered, sober and civilised !

JuniperDewdrop · 08/10/2004 20:55

Oh I go out and get blotto with my mates now and then. I don't think that's the problem IMO it's the fact that you had such a special day then he did it. Plus DS being upset

cat82 · 08/10/2004 20:55

Spot on BonnieJ! I honestly, honestly don't mind if i have warning, then i'm not awake every hour, wondering if he's still alive!

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:55

NdeP, snap!

lou33 · 08/10/2004 20:56

Not the every 6 weeks thing, but ykwim.

Every 6 week thing is my department, and I don't go home either

Original poster

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 21:00

Mum2Ela ...
I have no problem with him going out and getting sh*tfaced ... it his his body and his hangover ...
And there are times when he arranges a bender and he knows that it will be late, or all night and so I have a nice night on mumsnet and then go to bed and not worry (although I do resent it sometimes because of a) the money spent and b) the fact that I never get to go out and get trashed)
What pisses me off is when he does this when it wasn't the plan ... ie OUR night out together or at other times it may be that he will say that he won't be late or will be home at a certain time and then rolls in in the early hours with no phone call and I have imagined every scenario in the book ... muggings, knifings, pile ups on the motorway ...

OP posts:

Mum2Ela · 08/10/2004 21:02

FeelingAngry - thats cool. I thought I was missing something! I would be pissed off about that, esp as he initially said he didn't want to go. He should have stuck to that.

Original poster

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 21:18

And also the whole of today is ruined now. We are supposed to be going to the circus as a birthday treat (for DS really but for a family day out) and I know that when DH finally gets up I am going to fume for the rest of the day and our trip out will be crap.
Thing is, every time this happens I always end up feeling like I am the crap one, the naggy witch of a wife ...

OP posts:

emmatmg · 08/10/2004 21:21

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?

he's not even out of bed!

MummyToSteven · 08/10/2004 21:24

erm wondering if feeling angry is not in the UK?

zebra · 08/10/2004 21:26

Fair enuf, FA. I can understand you feeling angry because you were ditched. DH advises (man's input, here) "keep him dangling on a longer chain so he's more desperate to see you..."

Original poster

FeelingAngry · 08/10/2004 21:28

Doh ... MTS is right ... have never changed my name before ... no point really is there?
Zebra ... how do I keep him dangling then?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread