People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

@roff @Faye1284

you really believe you love him after a few weeks 🙈. Behave.

Exactly what I was thinking!

Sigh. I'm not lacking in self esteem actually,

I'm also aware of how good being single is and am not with him from some fear of being alone. I was single for three years before starting this.

And yes I know I love him after a few weeks. Because I've known him years and years. The affair is new the feelings are not.

I love him more than I hate this.

And for what it's worth, this has only been going on for a few weeks

After a few week? No it’s infatuation and you have to get that into your head. I’m sure he’s told you how terrible is wife is but he won’t leave her and you will feel used. It’s not worth the impact this will have on your mental health

If you knew him so long then why are you just starting something now?

People have affairs for all kinds of complicated reasons. My DH and I were APs we both found it very uncomfortable and came clean after a month.

We have been married 23 years. The bollox about never been able to trust a cheater is just that. I have trusted him and he me since day 1.

Sometimes people find themselves married to the wrong people.

I was wondering about brothels. Only because I watched a programme about one a few months ago. Will they be furloughed.

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel

Your situation doesn't really sound comparable.

The bollox about never been able to trust a cheater is just that. I have trusted him and he me since day 1.

Point is sure they may never do it again (to your knowledge) but the fact they had no issue doing it to begin with is what would put me off. But then you were the same kind of deceitful person so I guess it's easier...

But good for you. You win at life fuck those you hurt along the way hey!

Roff do you live in the North? Because there are lots of single eligible men up here (according to my single friends it’s like Sex in the city

I’m sure he’s told you how terrible is wife is but he won’t leave her and you will feel used.

Nope, never said that.

If you knew him so long then why are you just starting something now?

Because I didn't realise/ignored how I felt. Constantly pushing it back and dating other people because he was married.

No cars parked up on our country lanes in the lunch hour or after work these days. I think they are all obeying the lock down. The travel lodge in the town is famed for it and the prostitutes. Perhaps the prostitutes are suffering financially too.

I haven't seen too many posts on mn about marriages being strengthened by lockdown That sounds a bit wishful thinking

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel I think your situation is rare to be honest. At least you both ended your relationships quickly. I agree that sometimes people do marry the wrong people but would you be so understanding if next week your husband met someone else and decided he's married the wrong person?

Because I didn't realise/ignored how I felt. Constantly pushing it back and dating other people because he was married.

How long has he been married?

How long has he been married?

Longer than I've known him.

@Ilets that's because MN is often seen as place to moan/share problems, not to gloat (unless you're a cheat). Lockdown has been rather pleasant for me.

@Ilets I wrote 'strengthened', not strengthened.
Indeed, there are many cases where affair partners are being cast aside as their cheaters are finding that family life is worth making a go of, since they've been forced into spending time at home. That's just what I'm reading.

@roff

I'm a completely normal, highly educated, single woman you wouldn't think twice about. I'm not some caricature of the 'OW'.

You pretty much are, though. I knew tons of women in their 20s and 30s and older still who had affairs with older married men from work. It doesn't lead to happiness, you know.

Try to think of it like an addiction rather than love. You need what he gives you (not talking about sex) - try doing without it for a few months and see how you feel - and like any addict, you should try healthier hobbies while you're withdrawing.

Roff I’m not condoning what you are doing but if he’s married for years he’s probably looking for excitement. Men don’t see sex like we do. Sex for them can be done with no feelings, stop doing this get your self respect back and your control

I was also curious about this. One of my bosses is having an affair with a much younger woman in the office (he is married with 3 children), they always use to book in ‘work trips’ but no hotels/we have all gone to remote working etc so I wonder what they do?

@roff
How do you know that you are the only person he is playing away with ?
Would it make a difference to your feelings for him if you knew he had 3 or 4 others on the go besides you ?

samtsirch

There is no answer I can give to that which you won't scoff at. Whatever I said I'll be told I'm a fool.

But it's enough for me that I know.

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel
But how do you 100% know that he has always been faithful to you ?
What if your friends know of several indiscretions on his part, that you would never have dreamed about ?

@roff can I ask you why you chose to start an affair with a married man, like how did it come about? And do you think he will leave his wife for you, have you discussed it?

I'm asking impartially even though cheating really hurts. My dp hasnt physically cheated but i have caught innappropriate calls and texts to other women from him and its agony even though ive chosen to forgive him. I have just always wondered about people who start relationships knowing the other person is already taken.