People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

OP... why did you need to name change to do this thread. Ppl usually namechange to protect their identity, because their posting some personal information.

Or are you worried those who know your username might think you're having an affair?

@SandyY2K no it’s because I had my dd first and middle name in it,I’d been meaning to change It for a while and because a post asked why I was new to MN and posting this I replied with!!

I named changed I’m not new to MN

But do you not feel any quilt? Nothing about the poor woman whose husband you are shagging? Or what about cheating on your own husband? Doesn’t that make you feel like a dreadful human being?

I would feel guilty on my children but that’s just me

@Crazychild learn from the answers, why you were cheated on etc

Are you serious? You actually believe people should try and work out why someone cheated on them? As if it was their fault?

People are either cheats or they're not. It's a moral issue. You condone it or you don't. Hence the reason cheats often have multiple affairs throughout their lives and others who are unhappy in their relationship but still never cheat.

You very clearly lack empathy. I hope if/when you're cheated on, you consider all the reasons why you deserved it.

@thebridgelooksbroken

Referring to another woman as a vapid airhead lol. You feminist!!

Yes I feel horrendous amounts of guilt. And I know my family and friends would be hurt and appalled, so I can't tell them.

I'm not married not have kids so don't have that guilt, but the rest yes. And someone is going to say I don't or I'd stop. But it's not that simple.

And before this started I'd have agreed with everyone of you that affairs were awful and for people with no morals etc etc. Then i got here.

People think you're - to quote PPs - an airhead, scum, vile, no morals, a fool etc. I'm a completely normal, highly educated, single woman you wouldn't think twice about. I'm not some caricature of the 'OW'.

They will carry on because they don’t care about rule breaking.

People are complex, people make mistakes, people are inconsistent, people change their minds, people contradict themselves. It's ludicrous to suggest that having an affair necessarily renders you totally amoral in every other respect.

It's possible to have an affair and still love your children; it's possible to have an affair and give money to charity; it's possible to have an affair and be a vegan for moral reasons. It's even possible to have an affair and still love your spouse.

More pragmatically, it is also quite possible to have an affair and still not want to take coronavirus home to your asthmatic/diabetic 90-year-old grandma.

(NB I'm talking hypothetially: I'm not having an affair, I'm not married, I don't have children, I'm not a vegan and I don't have a 90-year-old grandmother.)

@thebridgelooksbroken I actually think many people have affairs just because there's so many equally moral-less people willing to take part in them.

@Faye1284

You live in a fantasy world.

Roff

Yes you do have a choice, a choice to be with a single man that offers you more than the crumbs you are getting. He’s betraying the one he lives with probably has kids with so why on earth do you think he could treat you better. Don’t waste your youth on something you can’t get find someone you can share a life with.

@roff

I think that's what upsets me most on these threads, although a lot upsets me. You feel like crap and are wasting your energy on someone who is lying and deceiving his family. It's tragic. You deserve better, and his wife certainly does not deserve this.

@Crazychild me?!!!! But you're the one that believes the onus is on the betrayed spouse? So surly if you're cheated on it's your fault? And you should work out why it happened to you?

I love this image of affair-havers as crazy rule-breaking nuts, running riot around the streets displaying rampant regard for all societal norms. Rarrr.

But it's not that simple.

It is actually... As the "highly educated" individual you claim you are you have the choice to find someone available and be dedicated to you. It says alot about you thay you're happy being second best to his family and that you enjoy being with someone who is a deceitful person who can do that to his family. So by doing all those things it's great that you see yourself as this wonderful person, so your self esteem seems intact, but your actions speak otherwise. But who cares what other people think of you right, being second best is what you're good at it appears.

@Chewbacca1111

I didn't say I didn't have a choice?

This is my choice. I choose hard and complicated and painful because I love him more than I hate this.

And for what it's worth, this has only been going on for a few weeks so I'm not yet at the point of being bitter at being second best. If I decide I'm ready for more and he won't give it, then I'll have to walk away.

There's a whole subreddit for this.
Loads of affair partners are being dumped as cheaters find that spending time with their wives/husbands has 'strengthened' their marriages.

image of affair-havers as crazy rule-breaking nuts, running riot around the streets displaying rampant regard for all societal norms.

Not the image I have of them. Your posts confuse me one minute you're telling a cheat it's nothing to be proud of next minute you're dissing those who don't approve of cheaters... I can't work out which side of the fence you're on.

But that's not the image I get. I just think they're deceitful people who have a character I don't want to associate with... My prerogative. Not been cheated on to my knowledge, but I don't have to experience it to not condone it. Its common sense that it's not a moral thing to do.

@roff So are you in love with him/her? I've been there so I kind of feel for you. Men are two a penny though so you don't have to live with this situation. Even being single is more pleasurable, believe me, I know. Most likely you're mainly being used for sex, anyway. And as people always say, if you did end up with him, you know you can't trust him.

@CrazyToast I love this image of loose women thinking other people's husbands are in love with them and believing that they're 'still good people' and 'aren't devoid of morals'. Oh....and the wife's to blame for it too.

If I decide I'm ready for more and he won't give it

After seeing countless tales of these plights it's almost predictable how that will go. But what an awesome foundation to build a happily ever after! Until someone else catches his eye... But glad it's working for you, he definitely thinks you're oh so special that he's picked you to screw around with... I take back the self esteem comment. It's clear yours is lacking...

Good luck for the future. I don't envy the position you'll find yourself in soon enough, not that you don't deserve it of course.

@roff you really believe you love him after a few weeks 🙈. Behave.

Hope all the cheats are having an absolute shitter of a time!

If someone is prepared to break marital promises for an affair then likewise I would expect them to break lockdown rules for it also.

@RoxanneMonke IDK, in my ex's case, he can justify cheating on his wife because he's very selfish. So, he wouldn't risk the life of his all-important self. True that he maybe wouldn't care if he put his wife at risk (there are no kids) as he's already doing things that would hurt her if she found out.