People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

Yes I do. But my original post wasn’t about that though was it?

Eh? It's a conversation, you don't get to just decide if people mention other things that challenge your original comment and disregard them if so.

You can see that some people are not willing to see the bigger picture.

Absolutely true.

It always comes back to blaming the betrayed doesn't it? Whilst a cheated on spouse may have been complicit in the breakdown of their relationship or may have even been to blame for the majority of the problems, they can't be held accountable for their spouse cheating. The cheat has to own that responsibility on their own because they made that choice over all the other options.

I’m not deciding anything however I don’t see the point in having a conversation who only wants to see one aspect of an affair as the shoe fits them.

I think it does romanticise it a bit to call it "An affair" in some cases.

I’m not deciding anything however I don’t see the point in having a conversation who only wants to see one aspect of an affair as the shoe fits them.

The irony of this statement is outstanding.

I agree so I'll leave it there.

The only reason for starting a thread like this is to cause trouble and incite people to be nasty to each other. What other reason could there possibly be. You should be ashamed of yourself OP.

Good grief, put it on ignore @greyprincess if you find it offensive.

@Fredted8 - I think you could do with a bit more life experience or imagination. The whole point of affairs is how easy it is to deceive the person that trusts you the most. And how it can take years from getting from the person who would never doubt you, and always take your side, to the person checking through your phone.
Unless you’ve never believed in someone like that of course it’s hard to imagine.

Speaking as a woman there’s times when I know full well and I just want to lie to myself.
Also friends have advised me and I’ve made excuses because I wanted to delude myself... I only wanted to see the good and not the bad.

What is your definition of life experience? Being cheated on and then wanting to say you never noticed for years on end.

Fredted it's called gaslighting. Being trusting. Etc. Stop fucking victim blaming.

I think a lot of affairs will become discovered.
Met the OM last night. There was more movement about.

I honestly think a lot of wifes just don't care

Or men. Where did my husband seriously think I was last night? He stopped caring a long time ago.

How's that working with lockdown @Damnmeifyouwish? Do you have kids in the home too?

I think my ap wife didn't care. She never questioned him once in nearly a year!!

Went on a walk.

Yes I do. My job however is more risky than meeting someone at a distance and talking.

@Faye1284
Another who thought you were leaving the post. I find it quite ironic that you’re judging so many on here when you are coming across as a very unpleasant person completely lacking in empathy!

When I was being cheated on I knew, I also ignored it because it was easier than uprooting myself or putting out.
It's rare a woman thinks everything is rosy if it's not.

I also don’t believe that there can be many wives whose husbands are having a long term affair where the wife doesn’t even the slightest idea. They are turning a blind eye much for the same reasons that the DH is continuing to stay in the marriage. I knew each time when my ExH was cheating. I put up with it for financial reasons and because I put the needs of my DC first. Obviously I know now that I should have left but I can’t be the only one who made that decision!

@McTits of course everyone wants me to leave because my opinion questions their fickle justifications. It's just not true that I lack empathy, I do have empathy for some circumstances but I just don't believe it's ever right/excusable to cheat.

As for 'turning a blind eye' to cheating. I'd rather shoot myself in the foot.

You're deluding yourself, Faye1284, your opinions aren't questioning justifications, your opinions are being used as a lump hammer for your own very narrow-minded and insular narrative. You haven't the capacity to question because you can't comprehend the views of others. You're just repeating the mantra that 'cheating is wrong', endlessly, it's disruptive and a bit pointless. You've also made some victim-blaming posts that you were rightly pulled up on, awful.

There are plenty of things that I don't agree with, that I think are fundamentally wrong but I try to understand them from some standpoint, if I want to join in a conversation about them. Affair threads are catnip, always will be. Some people want to understand the motivation and/or circumstances, it's possible to do that without being 'on the side' of affairs, which most people are not.

I don't think anybody cares whether you go or stay but to repeatedly say you're leaving the thread - and Mumsnet - and then to keep popping back, just makes you look a bit silly.

Agree @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

@Faye1284 I have not said that I wanted you to go; you said you were going but you’re still here trying to shove your 1950s views down the throats of those who don’t agree with you.
As for your turning a blind eye comment, that’s very easy to say but unless you’re in the situation then you have no idea what you would do.
I had been made redundant and was recovering from cancer when my ex first cheated. I thought my DC had suffered enough after the trauma of thinking their mum was going to die without having their parents divorce a few months later! It took me another 5 years to divorce him and by that stage I was physically and emotionally stronger and in a better place financially to cope with it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

You've also made some victim-blaming posts that you were rightly pulled up on, awful.

Not true, I never blamed anyone. I said I still didn't think cheating was the right thing to do. Meanwhile, there have been endless posts blaming the betrayed spouses but they doesn't matter somehow.

but to repeatedly say you're leaving the thread - and Mumsnet - and then to keep popping back, just makes you look a bit silly.

Pretty sure I only said it once. Stop tagging me and I'll stop responding.

@McTits I feel it's quite the opposite, I've said my piece and I'm happy to step back.....but people keep tagging me to shove their opinions down my throat.

I'm surprised at the amount of empathy you have for cheats after what your t*at of an ex husband did to you. You're a strong woman for turning a blind eye but it's not something I could do.

Catching up since Friday night. @Faye1284 you are still posting? I thought you were giving up days ago? Is it worth continuing or is everyone still just shouting at each other.