Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

502 replies

Sosweetmylovelygirl · 30/04/2020 16:28

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

OP posts:
Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 11:53

@Faye1284 trust me, I'm not desperate.
Now who is bullying?

Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 12:00

I've actually asked exactly why they do it, I was curious, seeing as apparently marriage is wonderful.
Almost without exception it was an attention thing.

It's often not even remotely secretive. It's just not noticed, because they are an insignificant background person in the family.

I actually wasnt going to reveal on this thread that I've played around with married men, but the vitriol meant I couldn't resist.

I don't any more for the record.
Every married man I've spoken to has pursued me. Relentlessly. The temptress image is rubbish.

BackseatCookers · 03/05/2020 12:00

@Boredofbeingathome

Both get an itch scratched then off we pop back to our lives.

You must realise that saying things like this is incredibly goady.

Faye1284 · 03/05/2020 12:07

@BackseatCookers

You must realise that saying things like this is incredibly goady.

Of course she does but what else would you expect?

The temptress image is rubbish.

Totally agree but you can spot an 'available' woman a mile off. Both on social media and in a bar.

JingsMahBucket · 03/05/2020 12:09

@Boredofbeingathome she was supposed to leave this thread 2 days ago according to her. 😂😂😂 I guess she likes needlessly looking down her nose and abusing other women too much to keep away from it. That’s how she gets to scratch her own itch, seems like.

Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 12:11

To be honest I don't care any more if it's goady.
People have come on here to answer, knowing full well it's an emotive subject, but offering anecdotes so people might understand things a bit better.
They have been spoken to in a disgusting way.
The PP who described abuse pushing her into an affair? That gave her strength to start again. Even she has been lambasted.

Financial penalties for affairs? Wow. Last time I checked we lived in the 21st century.

The responses are absolutely crazy.

There was a great post a few pages back about how it's borne in fear.

I think that's what it comes down to.
By all means paint me and others as fallen women, temptresses, evil bitches that steal your men. People cannot be stolen. It's fear.

As I said previously. I have NEVER chased anyone.

Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 12:12

@Faye1284 What do I look like as a. "Available woman then?"
Grin

Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 12:14

Let me answer that.
I'm an overweight 40 something year old with grey roots and an obsession with 'nerdy shit'
I wear band t shirts and barely bother to shave my legs.

Were you expecting me to be a bleach blonde, tight dress wearing slut?

How would you spot me?

Azazael · 03/05/2020 12:18

I would say going by this
Every married man I've spoken to has pursued me.

That you're relatively average and they know for a fact they'd be in with a chance. So your description of yourself is completely unsurprising. They'd be going for someone for a bit of fun that was totally different to what they had at home and easy to get.... You fit the bill. Congrats I can see why you're so proud.

Ilets · 03/05/2020 12:19

It's the scarlet A you wear that gives you away

Faye1284 · 03/05/2020 12:20

I find it so bizarre that people are trying to diagnose why people are against cheating. As if it's a character flaw. Completely misplaced anger.

Ilets · 03/05/2020 12:24

Azazael that's so clueless

Until people let go of some 'us and them' view of the world, they just can't see the reality around them

For starters, this rather 1950s view of sex is a bit embarrassing. The men chase, the easy women give it away, blah blah. Gatekeeping sex and viewing it as a one way pleasurable experience does noone any favours

Babaoreally · 03/05/2020 12:24

I don’t think you really fit the ‘affair’ descriptor @Boredofbeingathome - I think you are just the OW in other people’s infidelity. I guess it’s more usual that it’s one OM and rare for women’s infidelity to consist of regular fleeting sexual liaisons - (even for men for it’s more likely to be with prostitutes) but of course it happens. In such cases few people blame the men who take advantage of the married woman. If you’re not breaking any vows or making any demands of a married man, then it really is all on them I think. Just be aware that it’s pretty hard for their wives to compete - and what’s pretty meaningless to you is a whole life and family to them.

Boredofbeingathome · 03/05/2020 12:26

Grin The scarlet letter is fiction from another time entirely when women were chattel.
Amazing comparison.

@Faye1284 it's been fun, but I've had my fill of arguing with you today. You told an abused woman she was in the wrong and made her feel worse. You suggested financial penalties on AP's.
Think about that before you judge others.

My affairs were in a previous life and I have no regrets at all. I've been cheated on too, yet my views are realistic rather than black and white.

Back later to join in the fun again Gin

Kimtendo · 03/05/2020 12:31

I am taking a leaf out of the people who have affairs book. I am not going to judge them for their actions on this thread but I am going to do it behind their back where they can't see, because I don't want them to find out incase it hurts their feelings. And if anybody takes an issue with that then you don't know me and my circumstances and who are you to judge or something like that anyway Wine

Babaoreally · 03/05/2020 12:35

@Kimtendo - do what behind their back? I don’t understand what you mean?

Faye1284 · 03/05/2020 12:35

@Boredofbeingathome

it's been fun, but I've had my fill of arguing with you today. You told an abused woman she was in the wrong and made her feel worse.*

If you're going to quote me do it right. What I actually said is that I did have empathy for her but I don't think the affair was the right thing to do (Neither did she. She wasn't on here gloating like you). I do believe cheating should be penalised because I think it would stop it being trivialised by people like you.

I stand by those comments.

You admitted to purposely cheating with married men just to meet your own needs, without a single thought for other people so please jump off your throne.

sammylady37 · 03/05/2020 12:38

Lol at @Faye1284 talking about someone being goady and then going on to be just that herself. Not the first time she’s displayed such behaviour on this thread though. And she said two days ago she was leaving the thread, but still, here she is. The lies!! And she’s so against lying... I mean, I can’t understand it....!

Kimtendo · 03/05/2020 12:40

@Babaoreally judge them. I just didn't think it would be fair for me to do so on the thread where they can see, because that would mean being honest and up front, which isn't a concept cheaters are all that familiar with.

sammylady37 · 03/05/2020 12:44

There was a post very early in the thread by someone who gloated that OW were the ones who were all alone now, during lockdown, and it was so goady and superior sounding. There’s so much wrong with that attitude. Firstly, if being at home with a man who has cheated on you and disrespected you and lied to you is a ‘win’ for you, well, that says an awful lot about your own self-esteem and pride. Secondly, it shows a lack of understanding of some affairs and OW and how they arise. For some, they simply don’t want the drudgery of living with someone, the everyday mundane domesticity. They want their space and independence. Married men provide that a hell of a lot more than single men who will want to develop a relationship etc. so those OW are probably quite happy that during lockdown the married man is not with them 24/7.

Kimtendo · 03/05/2020 12:44

I will say this though, we really are living in a strange day and age where so many people are openly and quite brazenly justifying an act of lying and deceit as if it is nothing more than taking a trip to the shop to get a loaf of bread.

Fair play to the few people who seem to show a shred of remorse about what they are doing, at least they have enough awareness to think about people other than themselves but, oh well, brave new world and all that.

YouJustDoYou · 03/05/2020 12:45

For some, they simply don’t want the drudgery of living with someone, the everyday mundane domesticity. They want their space and independence. Married men provide that a hell of a lot more than single men who will want to develop a relationship etc. so those OW are probably quite happy that during lockdown the married man is not with them 24/7

😂😂😂

roff · 03/05/2020 12:48

Totally agree but you can spot an 'available' woman a mile off. Both on social media and in a bar.

Oh what bollocks. There is not such thing and you know it. If @Boredofbeingathome had said she was beach blonde and in a skin tight dress you'd have whooped that you were right. But she said she was in nerdy over sized t-shirts at 40 so you proclaimed that you were still right as her being 'relatively average' was what made her available.

I sound quite different to bored as I'm in my twenties, in skinny jeans and heels. But I also don't hang out in bars flirting with men and consider myself attractive and don't date/have sex much. Still think there's a type?

DeeCeeCherry · 03/05/2020 12:58

For some, they simply don’t want the drudgery of living with someone, the everyday mundane domesticity. They want their space and independence. Married men provide that a hell of a lot more than single men who will want to develop a relationship etc. so those OW are probably quite happy that during lockdown the married man is not with them 24/7

I think this is partly true for some.
However since the word 'Independence' is included I'm guessing it's meant to be tongue in cheek

Faye1284 · 03/05/2020 13:02

If @Boredofbeingathome had said she was beach blonde and in a skin tight dress you'd have whooped that you were right.

Quite the opposite. From what I've observed, the OW is rarely more attractive than the wife, which only adds to the confusion. Hence why they don't want to be seen in public with them.

@sammylady37 I think I can live with myself for telling strangers on the internet (cheats) a a white lie. It's not like I'm sleeping with their husbands is it?!