People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

@roff

But she said she was in nerdy over sized t-shirts at 40 so you proclaimed that you were still right as her being 'relatively average' was what made her available*.

I didn't even make that comment.

I think this is partly true for some.
However since the word 'Independence' is included I'm guessing it's meant to be tongue in cheek

Nope, I didn’t mean it to be tongue in cheek. I remember reading a fascinating AMA with an OW. she said she was fiercely independent, lived alone, lived life on her terms etc. she wasn’t hanging around waiting for the married man to text saying he had a chance of a snatched hour, they had a regular arrangement where they met at the same time and day every week. Outside that, she wasn’t sitting at home thinking “I hope he rings today” or not going out in case he got a clear hour or two, she continued to live her life, meeting friends, going away on breaks and holidays etc, and shagging others too when she wanted. She didn’t perceive herself as having to be faithful to him, as she clearly knew it wasn’t that kind of situation, and she wasn’t wasting her time waitinb around for him. It worked very well for her. It was a very interesting insight into her mind and way of thinking, I have to say

@Faye1284 oh I see. Some lies are ok. It’s not actually black and white so. Ok then!

@Faye1284 I didn't say you did. Apologies for the confusion I meant the general 'you' as in those who believe the statement that it's easy to spot an 'available woman' in a bar and online. Which actually you've just confirmed by saying I should be less attractive than the wife?

@sammylady37 I don't remember saying lying was black and white. I said cheating was.

@Faye1284 but clearly from everything you’ve said, not cheating, honesty, integrity, lack of deceit, not lying are all really important to you. Except when it’s ok to lie.

@roff I said from what I've observed that seems to be the case, not that it's necessarily always the case. Hence my comment about not perceiving the OW to be some glamorous woman that wears tight clothes. That's not what I imagine at all. My comment about spotting an 'available' woman had more to do with how she conducts herself more than how she looks. That applies to men too.

@sammylady37 oh but surely someone like you with so little morals could forgive a white lie?

@sammylady37 lying about coming away from thread is so far away from consistently lying and gaslighting someone and you know it.

@Faye1284 “ oh but surely someone like you with so little morals could forgive a white lie?”

Hahaha, nice little dig there. Classy. Except of course, you know very little about my morals. In this thread I’ve made posts commenting on the irony of some comments, the intransigence and hypocrisy of some posters, and I’ve given my opinion on why some women lash out so much at the OW rather than their ‘d’ h. It’s a dynamic I find fascinating. There another thread going at the moment where a woman is castigating the OW with whom her brother had an affair but not castigating the brother half as much. I can’t fathom the logic. I’ve also shared some insight from a very informative AMA I read once. You don’t know my own experience, whether or not I’ve been an OW, a wronged wife, or a married woman having an affair, or none of those things.

But no doubt you’ll claim to be able to infer my history and attitudes from my posts! In fact, you’ve pretty much done that already by telling my ive “so little morals”!

And as for this: “ lying about coming away from thread is so far away from consistently lying and gaslighting someone and you know it”, of course they’re different ends of the spectrum but they’re on the same spectrum of dishonesty, deceit and lies. Highlighting therefore that there’s a relativism here, these things aren’t always black and white.

Now, I’m not going to engage directly with you on this thread any more. Your posts have shown you for what you are, a dogmatic, judgemental, superior, unpleasant piece of work. And that’s not a lie!

I await a post with you getting the last word in

Faye you have no credibility on this thread since you said you weren't going to comment anymore YET you failed to do just that. Don't you see that this is literally the most heinous thing one can ever do?

Now leave these poor persecuted women alone and stop sticking your oar in where it isn't wanted. This is 2020 and you can do whatever you want, screw anybody else who might get hurt I WANT AN AFFAIR AND I'LL GOSH DARN HAVE ONE but nobody criticise me because that's mean and you shouldn't hurt other people.

@sammylady37 well done! :)

@Oopsiedaisyy this is so true perfectly put. I could not agree more.

I’ve always been baffled by the term fling and affair.... I could understand someone having a fling and the wife/husband may not know.

But how could your husband/wife be having a full on affair for years and you don’t notice anything during this time?? A lot of the time I think the wife/husband knows and chooses to turn a blind eye.

But how could your husband/wife be having a full on affair for years and you don’t notice anything during this time?? A lot of the time I think the wife/husband knows and chooses to turn a blind eye

No. A lot of the time the cheaters are very, very accomplished sly liars and the spouses waiting at home are too trusting and believe in the excuses their cheating partners give them.

My grandfather may he go fuck himself and not rest in peace was an extremely skilled liar. Every reason was plausible. Work reasons for why he was away were entirely plausible. And sadly my nan was just too sweet and trusting. Same with my mum.

I can understand lies to maintain a fling.... but NOT an affair. How many times are they going to be late for dinner... make up on a shirt, smelling of a perfume that differs from your own. Don’t forget people who have an affair would get to a comfortable stage and be more relaxed and may slip up. I honestly wonder about the main wife!!
There’s that much bashing the OW but I’m sorry there’s something seriously wrong in your marriage if your husband is cheating for years on end basically leading a double life.

Ah that's it, blame the wife. Sigh.

I did not blame the wife. But I stick by my opinion that I’m baffled. Sorry to ruffle any feathers but some women do CHOOSE to turn a blind eye.
When a man is cheating you as a woman get a gut feeling that something isn’t right usually. As a woman you have a responsibility to your husband and this doesn’t mean that you just float along with what ever he tells you.
I can understand maybe in different eras grandparents of a certain age.

In a lockdown and people are still having affairs come on sorry to be blunt. But maybe the main wife needs to pay more attention..

There’s that much bashing the OW but I’m sorry there’s something seriously wrong in your marriage if your husband is cheating for years on end basically leading a double life.

Yes, the problem often being that your husband has been cheating for years on end basically leading a double life...

I'm sure some women do turn a blind eye.

Others spend years on end begging their partner to tell them if something is going on, being told they're paranoid and mental.

I would bet good money that if the wives of most of the men having affairs with OW on this thread asked the man if he's cheating, he would say no. If she said why she was suspicious, he would say she was wrong. All while knowing perfectly well she isn't wrong.

Or are we saying that most of them would say yes I admit it, I've been cheating you're right? Really?

Hmmm...now I think about it I have noticed many of the men I see walking their dogs are feverently on the phone

When a man is cheating you as a woman get a gut feeling that something isn’t right usually. As a woman you have a responsibility to your husband

😂😂😂

But how many years are you going to ask your husband if they are cheating?? This alone is not normal and I would personally leave my husband if it got to the stage where I thought he was cheating for YEARS.
Ignorance is bliss and some women do not want to acknowledge the fact that they hold any kind of responsibility. Each to their own but maybe that’s why the affair took place in the first place....

This alone is not normal and I would personally leave my husband if it got to the stage where I thought he was cheating for YEARS.

But do you not equally think if it got to the stage you were cheating for YEARS you should leave?

Yes I do. But my original post wasn’t about that though was it?

You can see that some people are not willing to see the bigger picture.