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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No compromise with DP anymore

118 replies

Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 14:59

I am just so fed up.

I'm no longer working now at home, he's working from home.

Our suspected ASD toddler keeps waking up at 5.30 in the morning because he has dropped his nap and is in bed for 5.30/6.

This is getting some getting use to and I'm shattered. So so tired. I've asked him if he'll get up with DS and the answer is a continuous no, I'm the one working, blah blah blah. He won't talk to me about it Sad says on repeat 'I'm not talking about this now'

When fully confronted, I then ask the same again and then say well, what about the weekends? You're not working then. Surely I could have a lay in on one morning then?

He says no, because I've been working all week Envy he then says you don't work, all you do is get up with DS and clean. I'm the one working.

I have explained how tired I feel and he just isn't interested, looks drained from talking to me, etc. Earlier I layed on the sofa with a Blanket, DS was really irritating him (he is a pain, just touched everything he shouldn't 24/7). I said give me 15 minutes (of shut eye), and I'll take DS out for a walk. He wasn't happy with it, said why can't you just take him now.

2 minutes in and DS gets hold of some bubbles from somewhere and tips them all onto the floor. He snatches them up, throws them to the ground and then goes ans clears it up, shouts this wouldn't happen if you got off you're arse. I can't remember what else was said.

I'm just so fed up. Am I the one who's taking the piss or am I right and he's being a twat? Feel so hurt that he doesn't seem to get how tired I am.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 28/04/2020 15:01

Perhaps tell him that if you split up he'd have to have your son regularly and you would have lie-ins?

TorkTorkBam · 28/04/2020 15:02

Go to bed earlier?

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:04

I told him today I can't live like it anymore and he said 'leave me then'.

I was quite shocked at that. There is a bit of a back story with DS, but that's separate. This is how he's towards me

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 28/04/2020 15:07

Go to bed earlier. And I think you should be doing the lion's share if you’re not working.
I should imagine it’s hard looking after your little one but I think it’s fair you should be doing most of it

averythinline · 28/04/2020 15:08

Well leave him then... in the short term you probably need to go to bed not long after your ds to catch up on some sleep... then as they say get your ducks in a row... what's your housing situation?

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:09

I do more than the lion's share. Any getting up with DS in the morning is fine but I do feel resentful when he's waking naturally at 8.30am (3 whole hours more sleep than me) just to piss about on a work laptop and answer a few calls.

In regards to the weekend, should I still be expected to facilitate all of his extra sleeping then too?

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 28/04/2020 15:10

@Lllot5 she’s not doing most of it though, she’s doing all of it. He’s only working 5 days a week. Why can’t she have one lie in a week on one of his days off? When does she get a bit of time off?

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:10

Herpes according to him never because 'I'm not working'

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 28/04/2020 15:11

He's bang out of order!! Looking after a toddler and running a home is also work you should take the early mornings in turn IMO.

Beamur · 28/04/2020 15:12

You're getting a hard time here too OP!

Fwiw, your DP may be working but he's not commuting so is saving time that way.
He should be sharing the parenting of his child too and maybe being a bit more supportive if you are tired.
This kind of attitude is extremely detrimental to your relationship long term.
How are you feeling in yourself?

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:13

I wouldn't even mind so much if he got up at 7 or so. But he just sleeps in until its time for a quick shower and then his work status at 9am.

During the weekends it's often 10am and he's still not up. And I can never talk him into being the one to get up.

OP posts:
Sparkle733 · 28/04/2020 15:14

He should definitely be taking turns.
His lie in on a Saturday and yours on a Sunday.
I'd be taking myself off for a very long bath tonight.
Take your phone, glass of wine and a book.
Let him do his fair share. Lazy git.

AssangesCat · 28/04/2020 15:15

If what you do isn't work he won't have a problem taking over at the weekend, will he?

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:16

I also have no issues with running the home. I'm good at it and even whilst working PT before this still did it.

But it's just when things like this happen and I really need a tiny bit of support that I feel so resentful. It just seems unfair and what's worse he clearly doesn't want to talk

OP posts:
MummaGiles · 28/04/2020 15:18

He’s taking the piss. I am on maternity leave so not working, like you, and am getting more help from DH now he’s working from home, not less.

MummaGiles · 28/04/2020 15:18

And yes, I do get up with DC in the morning through the week and do the night shifts but we share the lie ins at the weekend.

LiteraryType · 28/04/2020 15:19

Can you stay somewhere for a night or two alone? You are allowed to 'cool off' in another residence. It sounds like he needs a reality check and be the carer for a weekend so you can get some sleep. That will be messing with your head. X

purpleboy · 28/04/2020 15:20

He sounds like a self important arse! Has he ever looked after DS on his own or is it all left to you?

Opentooffers · 28/04/2020 15:20

So DS goes to bed at 5.30 and gets up at 5.30. that is not bad going. Why don't you put him to bed at 7, then maybe he'll get up at 7? Or go to bed
yourself earlier? Working from home is still working, so DH can't be expected to parent at the same time, so he does have a point. He is, however, talking to you in a disdainful way, sounds like he's lost respect. You say there is a backstory with DS, I'm guessing there is more to know as to why your DH is being so horrible with his communications.

EKGEMS · 28/04/2020 15:22

Lillo5 Ypur definition of fair is far different than the vast majority of pp on here

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:22

Beamur I'm not great if I'm honest with you. Just had enough. Our DS has suspected ASD, he's very tiny for his age and one of his recent things is food refusal apart from peanut butter on toast (I think the way to handle is to ignore for now, let eat whatever). DH has been fuming, made him something last night anf DS refused. He shouted I give up! Open your mouth! Then shouted fine, but when you grow up to be 5 foot, I won't be here to see it happen' Sad

OP posts:
wheresthehope · 28/04/2020 15:23

He’s told you his thoughts and wants so listen to him! He has zero respect for you.
Get your ducks in a row and leave his arse.
See how he likes to have no choice but to be a parent 50/50

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:25

He then sent for a long walk, just went. DS was of course in bed asleep when he got back. I did say isn't it funny how I could never just walk out without DS Hmm he says well that's just the way it is

OP posts:
Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 28/04/2020 15:27

So DS goes to bed at 5.30 and gets up at 5.30. that is not bad going. Why don't you put him to bed at 7, then maybe he'll get up at 7?

He won't last until 7. If we start doing that he ends up falling down to sleep at something silly like 3pm. He just can't go that long

OP posts:
QuentinWinters · 28/04/2020 15:29

Working from home is still working, so DH can't be expected to parent at the same time
Plenty of us single parents are having to do that in lockdown Hmm
He is being an arse. I think you should go for a walk later and let him do bedtime. Then do that every day so DS gets used to the routine
Idiot. He is bvu