Is this just too distasteful?

[4tplussome]

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

Seriously, said it yesterday and I'll say it again. Do what you want! You're single, you're not stupid, you're not expecting the romance of the century, you're just flattered this seemingly nice young guy fancies you. Well, good for you! Go have some fun, you're here once and you are doing no harm as long as you keep your wits about you.

The responses you've got here have genuinely shocked me. Some of it is clearly jealousy (watch that firework go off) , some of it sensible advice but i would genuinely not give a flying fuck about what others think. If the age gap gives YOU the ick, step away. If not, crack on

Got drawn back in.....I feel so guilty tho . He's really mature. I know it can't
Go anywhere. He's just nice and yeah, I'm flattered. He's said some genuinely nice things, without being sickly or obvious, or sexual, been on line for months and not had anyone take my
Interest, I'm feeling so weird about it .

The idea that I'm chatting to a 21 year old feels ick.

Chatting to THIS 21 year old doesn't .

Feel safe at min as lockdown means nothing more than chat . I'll probably run a mile if he wanted to actually meet ....

My husband is twice my age, though we didn't meet online it happened organically. I wasn't looking for a man twice my age and vice versa

I'm the kind of person who turns the tv down for sex scenes even tho I live alone ....

It's a bit of fun @4tplussome stop overthinking it!

Why do you care what a load of women on the internet think?

Realistically, you're both adults. Do what you want.

Go in with your eyes open.

In case you do still care what a random thinks, you could be in for a good time, a confidence boost and an experience you've never had before.

The thing that makes this feel odd to me is that twice you have said you feel as if you should be on " some kind of register " which tells me that you know somewhere inside that this is a bit weird. I don't know what you are expecting people to say - it's up to you .

*Strictly speaking the worst op could get is a crap shag

Not even close, the worst she could get is he tells the world, takes pics or videos without her noticing, screenshots her texts, and spreads it everywhere or tries to blackmail her that she goes after young lads on line and tried to get them to sleep with her.

There are many many worst cases here, that are wat beyond a shit shag.

She could also be being catfished*

Oh shut up, do you not know how more utterly ridiculous and jealous you are making yourself sound with each post. It's embarrassing Bluntness honestly.

OP, it's your life. You are both adults. Crack on if you so wish.

The thing that makes this feel odd to me is that twice you have said you feel as if you should be on " some kind of register "

Distasteful in itself.

No you cannot is right, OP - what's a bit weird is how you feel about it.

It's fine. You're talking to a younger adult. Just discard your hang ups and enjoy the conversation. You are not dropping to your knees (yet 😱)

Seriously, you're just TALKING to someone. And actually it's stupid to think that early twenties people are dumb kids. They really all aren't. And often the clarity of their views and the seriousness of their consideration of the world is refreshing. You can learn something from them.

So stop fretting. Don't look for holes in the jumper or you'll make one. It's fine. Enjoy talking. No you are not sexually deviant. Ok?

I'm the same age as you (and look even younger, if that's possible), and I wouldn't .

I'd be annoyed that he'd followed me onto another site after I'd told him no.

Actually OP it is very very possible to turn into a raging hormonal super slut in one's later 40s. It's a know phenomenon. But obviously one hopes one would not act on the instinct.!

Bit of fun how do you know you look younger?? And nobody's seen ME yet 😉😀

@BitOfFun how young do you look? You're probably kidding yourself here. I find many women in their late 40s do (not me though, I genuinely DO look 32 despite being 48)

You know you're going to OP, so stop worrying about what anybody else thinks.. You're a grown woman FFS!

@treacletoots

We're all grown women ...yet we still come here to ponder, debate, get other people's views on what's going on in our lives/heads...doesn't mean we're going to listen and immediately agree with everyone...just nice to get a feel of what others think.

Isn't that what this board is for ?

@LatteLarry, I was joking.

The irony yes? That was my opinion.

Apologies then @treacletoots, it was just your helpful, well put opinion, you didn't goad the OP at all.

... "you know you're going to...."

My mistake

I still don't quite see your point. Or why anyone would have a problem with a grown up dating another grown up. And to take it further as to call out someone who has an opinion on the matter.

I am really horrified at the people who think this is sleazy and creepy! He's an adult! It would be different if she was his teacher or boss, or if he was friends with her kids, but they met in a neutral adult-to-adult way.

To the people wondering, rather rudely, "what's in it for him?" well, I'm sure the OP is an attractive, interesting woman, so the same as is "in it" for any man. Not saying he probably wants to marry her - being 21 he probably wants a hookup or FWB or a non live in, casual-ish girlfriend - and nothing wrong with any of those scenarios if both partners are honest and willing. But with those scenarios, maybe an age gap really wouldn't matter - for today, tomorrow, and next week, who cares? If you get on well and have a good time?

For context, statistically, men really struggle to get matches on dating apps relative to women. As a result, women tend to be more choosy at the initial stages (as their first job is to filter men out) whereas men are more inclusive (their first job is to just get a match and open a conversation). there is nothing remotely outlandish about a young guy seeing an older woman and thinking, simply, "nice", in this context.

Thanks for the opinions, I overthinking this I think for now . We chat, that's all so for now I'm going with it . Its nice , he's company, and we're educating each other on books ! All very sweet and innocent apart from the odd sweet compliment and bit of cheeky banter, nothing sleazy. He's quite refreshing actually!

( the difference is this ....had a lad in his 30s message. Within 3 messages it got sleazy. I'm not interested in sleazy , I not desperate, not for company or a shag or anything else, and I think perhaps that's why the 21 year old has kept my interest, because he's intelligent, sophisticated, funny, confident and not in any way making our conversation sleazy or weird.

You're not setting your bar that high though, are you? And I could not describe a 21 year old boy as sophisticated with a straight face! Said with concern.