Is this just too distasteful?

[4tplussome]

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

Mumsnet is bizarrely judgemental on this topic. If you like him and he likes you then what does it matter?

Hi OP

I’m a couple of years younger than you and I’m on OLD. I get a lot of attention from younger men and have decided that once lockdown is over I’m going to explore this. My cut off would be 30. I can’t find anyone that I fancy (who hasn’t got a beard) near my age and I’m definitely peri so my sex drive is through the roof 😁.

Whilst I wouldn’t be looking for a relationship with someone this young I see no harm at all in seeing it for what it is and having some fun.

Good luck to you

There’s loads of younger guys looking for older women in OLD. I think the youngest I’ve had a message from has been about 21, but then I’ve also had some very persistent messages from an 83 yr old who thinks we’d be perfect together.

Although I too would never entertain the idea of dating someone in their 20s, there’s no doubt it’s a bit of an ego boost to get a flattering message from someone so much younger, whatever the motive behind it. I have responded to some of the ones that have made me laugh, had a bit of “banterous” chat with them (nothing sexual) and said goodbye. For the most part it’s all been taken in good grace on both sides, and if too persistent I just block.

It’s OLD, you take from it what you want!

@MaidenMotherCrone

"When she had left my sons were laughing at her. They called her sad, desperate and easy."

Well I hope you had a stern fucking word with them. You must be mortified to have raised them into men who speak about women like that.

@circusintown not at all. If a person (male or female) acts in a sad, desperate and easy manner then that's what they'll be called.

Respect is earned regardless of a persons sex!

Totally agree with @circusintown. I would be horrified to hear my sons categorise any woman as "easy".

And I've found the very people who behave as if you're a sexual deviant just for recognising the come-on from a younger man (not even acting on it), are those who coo and comment approvingly on the man of 70 with wife of 41

Pure fantasy

You’ve made the right decision OP.

I hope you don’t get too much grief here for even having exchanged messages with him. Your own common sense has kicked in now I think.

Good luck with OLD.

They're after milf/cougar experiences.

As for all the outrage - young men dont tend to be exploited by older women in the same way as vice versa - often because they young men are often looking for sex/notch on bed post and will walk after they get it a few times. They are the users/exploiters in that scenario.

Maiden what a load of old shite. Keep telling yourself that. There is no way on earth that you or your sons laugh at men and call them "easy"

Yes it is a big age gap and he is still quite young, but some men can be mature at that age.
I was chased by a much younger man when I ventured online dating after being single for a number of years, I dated several men my own age but kept going back to him. He was 31 at the time to my 52. It took me a long time to accept the age difference but we click brilliantly & he's amazing. After some initial (understandable) reservations from family & friends (my side , not his) everyone now adores him, three years later we are living together & planning our future together.
When we are out no-one turns a hair as he looks his age if not older and I look younger.
So it can work but take it slowly, good luck.

Personally, I think it's a bit grim OP- but that doesn't mean you aren't welcome to do what you want within your own life. I'm 32 and it makes me feel a bit queasy, regrdless of which way sound the genders are. 22 year olds just look so young to me and meaningful conversation would be limited.

If it helps I used to have a friend when I was young twenties who liked older women and did this. Really good looking and outgoing and popular guy. He just trawled tinder for older women only though, usually twice his age, single, nice lifestyle - go to their houses for a few weeks and get cooked dinner, fawned over, have sex, then ditch and move on after a few weeks when they would seem to want to make it official or want more or start wanting anything to do with his 'real' life.

It seemed like what he mainly liked was the fact that it was so easy because they felt complimented, and the fact he got to feel like they were the lucky ones and he was a big deal. Very very charming guy though.

I used to frequent a male dominated fitness forum and the unpleasant talk on there about older partners tended to be around then being easier to get, more grateful, less "spoilt", and numerous jokes were made about not having to worry about pregnancy from condom free sex.

(Not actually the case for forty something women but you know how people think).

The pregnancy part, I mean.

Honestly, I’d be very wary that they know your children and doing this as a means of ridiculing your kids in some way or simply bragging rights down the pub “I shagged ’s mum, she was such a slag” of whatever terminology young people use nowadays.

This what my first reaction would be. I am a bit paranoid though.

I'm clearly against the masses here but I think if you are both adults then why not. Too many people age shame and I've no idea why. These people don't know you and they aren't in your bedroom. It's up to you who you spend your time with as long as it's legal.

My o/h is 20 years older than me. I met him at 20. We are still together 14 years on. He is my heart and soul.

And I find it really insulting that people think people don't know their minds at that age. Yes I was 20 but I have an old head on my shoulders. I've always liked older guys and no I don't have daddy issues. I wanted him and I got him. Both were single. No messy backgrounds. He didn't have any kids and not married before. We are trying for children now.

So please have a think people before you judge age gaps. You have no idea how it will turn out.

As for the op, I know you've blocked him but even if it turned out to be just fun, it's up to you. Don't be ashamed of your feelings. It isn't against the law. Don't let people whose personal preferences aren't the same as yours tell you what to do.

@Knobblybobbly where does it say the man knows her children? I think he’s just an internet acquaintance?

Ah, you edited the thread title. Yes, it's definitely not particularly appealing.

“When she had left my sons were laughing at her. They called her sad, desperate and easy.“

I would be furious if I’d raised a son that referred to someone as “easy” for flirting. Fuck that’s depressing in this day and age.

Plenty of young men like an older more experienced woman. I had a fling with someone twenty years younger and the sex was incredible but it wouldn't have been a sustainable relationship as we had bugger all in common!

I'm 31 and couldn't imagine being attracted to anybody in their early twenties!

I do however suspect that the fact you said you think you look younger than your age has got peoples backs up OP.

Women hate other women who say stuff like this - just look at the threads where posters post their picture and dare to think they look young - they get ripped to shreds.

I think I would move on OP. Lots of men ten years older than 22 are also energetic and fun but just not as jejeune. I am also in my 40s and would find dating a man in his 20s a step too far.

I'm your age and have a son a similar age. I look upon his friends with maternal fondness.

If DS or his friends were pursuing a relationship with an older woman I would be surprised, a hook up, less so.

So long as it is consensual I don't see the problem.

It made me feel slightly I comfortable but a bit flattered at the same time.

He seems quite "boho" art studently type (no beard !) and at the point he asked to chat via WhatsApp I declined. He's cute . But too young .
And no he definitely doesn't know my kids - my son lives abroad and is 28 , my daughter is 23. This lad is from down south studying at a northern university. No I've not had work done (would love too but finances don't t allow). I'm not suffering from loneliness either as a) I'm still working as I'm an key worker and b) I love love love my own company. I'm reserved and aren't into one nighters or a bit of fun - couldn't see that unless I really fancied someone and I've only ever fancied one man , sex was incredible and I wasn't shy with him but I have hang ups , I am knocking 50 after all. My face has always been "young ". Hated it at 20. Now nearly 50 I'm growing to like it !
I'm very straight and honest and I have been in my OLD profile, and yes my pictures are clearly helpful, I've responded to very few younger men , actually I've responded to very few older ones too. I'm sort of window shopping. Don't think I want to buy just yet.

He has a touch of the cillian Murphy thing about him....good cheekbones.

Cold shower. I know .