Is this just too distasteful?

[4tplussome]

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

“I hope you explained why first and didn't just ghost him.“

🙄 OP looks like whatever course you take you’ll be judged anyway.

Oops not worra, but ponchek.

My mum dated a younger man for almost a year. I was 18 at the time, he was 20. The same age as my boyfriend was. Honestly I hated it! I never understood what they had in common.
I hated It when he spent the night I’d feel uncomfortable coming out of the shower in just my towel in my own home because there was a 20 year old boy in the house.
They are still friends 12 years later which is nice. He’s an incredibly good friend to her and my younger sister who’s dad isn’t around really looks up to him as a male influence. He isn’t a bad guy. I just found incredibly creepy. I said nothing because she seemed happy and she’d spent years being here unhappy.
I imagine if I dated someone 20 years older than me she’d have a lot to say about it.

Have you a son this age, op ?

Why do you not feel completely icked out that you have been having sexually loaded conversations with someone the same age ?

I think you need more relationships. Go fuck around as much as you like. But not with boys barely out of their teens. You really shouldn't be flattered by this.

I'm not really sure what talking to people before has to do with this particular thread.

But yes, I think you did the right thing in explaining before blocking.

Af

It was NEVER sexually loaded ! Fuck off ?

My son is actually 29

And any conversation was absolutely not sexual in anyway shape or form.

Not sure what I'm being taken for but it's not what some think!

OP - honestly, why bother posting this on here? You just get same old tired and usual suspects wanging on. Have the confidence in your own decisions. I suspect not taking this further is a good idea

Do I think it's distasteful as you ask? Maybe. Don't have particularly strong feelings about it on the one hand. Would I like it if it was my son? No course not - but that's projecting.

OP, if you are looking for a serious long term relationship, he is not going to be for you. If you are looking for fun with someone, a few giggles, days out and a sexual friendship (nothing wrong in that!), then go for it.

There's no future there. Why start something that would only end in heartbreak?

It wouldn't be for me.

And i think large age differences create unequal relationships.

At 20/25 i had nothing to say to someone in their late 30s nevernind late 40s.

Also unless you've had work done you might look good but you look 40 something.

I don’t see anything wrong with it personally. A friend of mine had the same age gap. They met online. They dated for a few years then got married and he became step dad. They’ve been married over a decade. They just got on so well. Maybe he finds girls his own age shallow and boring? He’s the same age as my niece. Her and her friends take two hours to do their eyebrows. They don’t get up until after midday and it’s all “instagram instagram”. YAWN. Maybe he wants somebody who doesn’t do all of that.

I think they know one of your kids.

OP. You're an adult. You can make your own choices. The odds are that it won't last but its entirely your life to live as you see fit.

Yes, because perfectly normal 21 year olds are known for being interested women knocking on fifty.

There is nothing wrong with the replies on here, just because the op is a woman. If this was a man approaching fifty flirting with a twenty one year old female . As said, people would be handing him his arse for being a sick old perv.

You can’t have it both ways.

4tplus this subject interests me too as I've also encountered the wrath of self-appointed nuns for having a conversation with a younger man who totally did all the running, and who I had no interest in and had to repeatedly put off. And not one younger man has approached me.

I would say that in your 40s, you may notice a sudden surge (!) in interest from much younger men. Especially if you look as if you're in your mid to late 30s. I decided it was a biological phenomenon, because it's last chance alley for the female to reproduce, and the younger the sperm the better the chances. They are naturally drawn to you.

It's also very flattering at a time when we worry we might at some point lose our appeal. And there's a directness about younger men which can just fizzle out in men over 40.

But the violent outrage of some women about women in their 40s recognising the advances of men in their 20s is a real shocker. I've encountered it too. It's really upsetting. Actually I find it obscene. They are the ones with weird minds. An adult is an adult and I know quite a lot of couples where eg the guy is 60/70 and the woman is 30/40 and that's apparently fine. Guy being 56 and woman 38 seems like nothing. But when you shift it all to the reverse - with the woman older - apparently it's sexual perversion in the extreme. Bollocks. 😉

And I've found the very people who behave as if you're a sexual deviant just for recognising the come-on from a younger man (not even acting on it), are those who coo and comment approvingly on the man of 70 with wife of 41.

It's actual a form of sexual misogyny and very unpleasant. And it's stupid.

So don't listen. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, you came here for advice, and the Matrons have thrown their aprons up in horror.

Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson are a great example. He clearly adores her and appreciates the treasure of a woman who's lived something. She is glowingly happy with a husband who loves her for who she is. She was born in 1967 so 52/3 now. He was born in 1990 so 29/30. They married when he was 21 and she was 45. And it's nobody's business but theirs. I've always admired his maturity. And he's not the only man in his 20s who is old enough to make his own decisions.

It's up to them. Just as you enjoying a conversation with a younger guy is up to you and him. Do not feel tainted or worried. Ignore stupid comments. Be who you are and live now, especially since the virus is a big example of how we might not be here tomorrow.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AaronTaylor-Johnson#/media/File%3ASammTaylor-Wood%266Aaron_Johnson.jpg

And Sushiroller not everyone needs work done. There is such a thing as natural youthfulness. (Probably achieved by being with a younger man!!!)

An ex friend of mine once flirted with my sons (in front of me)They were about 21 & 23 at the time. It wasn't funny or cool. I felt quite sick tbh. When she had left my sons were laughing at her. They called her sad, desperate and easy.

MMCrone that's obviously a different thing - it's your friend flirting with your sons. She made the advance. She made a fool of herself. And they were your children.

The discussion here was about how an older woman should view advances made to her by a younger man, and in this case it was really just about a spark in conversation. There's nothing wrong with two people getting on.

@4tplussome Go for it I say as long as you don’t end up falling in love or something - as long as you know what you’re both in it for - if you get my meaning?

My son is 22 - I find it hilarious (not judging) - I just cannot look at my son’s friends in anything other than a maternal way - but let’s face it, there is no contest aesthetically between a 22 year old and a 42 year old man - the 22 year old will win every time 🤭

4tplusone, I'm same age, I'm wondering if the lockdown is making you clutch at any connection somehow - we are all affected by social distancing. TBH, I'm pretty good for my age too, keep fit and active, however, no way would I even bother talking to someone that young to get as far as knowing I had a connection.
I can think of a few reasons why someone that young would be interested, I'm sure you can too if you put your mind to it. It feels weird, because it is weird, these are weird times.
At best, it could satisfy a physical need, but you have already crossed over into an emotional connection which sounds too strong, for that to be possible.
It just all seems a bit crazy to me, I'd guess it's the times we are in that are even making you entertain him, I'd hope you wouldn't otherwise as it really is a bit ew!

Not sure why OP is being jumped on. She asked for advice, she took it. I'm surprised that all those 20-somethings with 40/50yo boyfriends haven't appeared to announce "age has nothing to do with it" and "it's because I'm SO MATURE for my age" like they do on threads where the sexes are reversed. Maybe the young man in question feels similarly mature and doesn't like girls his own age? Either way, I don't think the OP has come off as creepy or weird or icky.

@ponchek a lot of what u wrote is in ur own head. If a man posts here being 48 approaching 21yrs old girl, his arse would get all the whooping he can think of.

I find comments here are mostly much more gentle than i usually see on the reverse scenario.

I did online dating when I divorced at 50 and it was amazing how many young men were looking for older women. I assumed it was for a one-off experience/hook-up and not a relationship. The conversations became sexual very quickly and the tinder men seemed to be living off one-night stands and then on to the next.