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Original poster

Is this just too distasteful?

527 replies

4tplussome · 25/04/2020 21:23

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

OP posts:
LatteLarry · 29/04/2020 20:17

I'm not confused. Just be really careful what you reveal. If I know who you are then others will too.

Terralee · 29/04/2020 20:28

I'm currently this week working on a ward with drs aged 23 - 29... and they just all seem so young!

I'm 43 and do look younger in my uniform but there's no way I want to flirt with them.
I appreciate that they look attractive but flirting would seem weird.

To me they're just too much like lads not real men.

I just think OP, be careful. Chances are he's playing you.

And if he's not playing you I know really young men can fall 'in love' & get a bit obsessed really easily.
A friend who was 29 lived with her 21 year old boyfriend- when she finished with him he got a bit strange.

Lolalovesroses · 29/04/2020 20:38

I'm not going to comment on the morality of entering into an age gap relationship. I don't really have any strong views either way.However, from your posts you seem so vulnerable to being taken advantage off.I work with victims of crime.You are easily flattered, " he says I'm gorgeous" " I've had over 500 messages" ( that's common on OLD),you've came out of an abusive relationship,you seem extremely fickle ( from this thread alone,I can tell that).Instead of getting "annoyed" that someone has basically disrespected your boundaries ( after you blocked him,he found you on another platform) you ignore this and dismiss it in a light hearted way as him being "persistent".If he was unattractive,I'm sure you'd be horrified and branding him a stalker ! You've asked your "wisest friend" to rate your youthfulness,and haven't had enough wisdom yourself to realise that in all likelihood she is probably behind very kind and economical with the truth. I could go on,but I don't want to be hurtful.I just want you to take a breather,and mull things over.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2020 20:43

Did you ask him why he looked you up elsewhere online when you had blocked him? Because I find that quite unnerving.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2020 20:45

X-posts!

Iflyaway · 29/04/2020 20:45

He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....

You're right. Listen to your gut/intuition.

Original poster
4tplussome · 29/04/2020 20:46

Thank you Lola.

Thanks everyone. I have explained that it's not a good idea to him and why.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Notredamn · 29/04/2020 20:52

@mamato3lads it's not a big word. You're being misogynistic, which I why I said it Hmm

OP, stop going on about looks if you're not preoccupied with them/telling everyone all about what you look like.

GilbertMarkham · 29/04/2020 20:54

It's rank AF to shag, date people even younger than your kids.

I wouldn't fuck with a young, free and single uni student at the age I am now, let alone the age I will be in a good few years.

Such emotional and violent reactions to the in most cases meaningless action of dick in p*say.

If it were a young woman (one who's not rinsing/sugar-babying) with an older man, I might be more concerned about exploitation of some kind.

With a young man, the likelihood that he'd walk away happy as larry for ticking his cougar/milf/sexy older woman check box (and for getting laid full stop) is high.

As for ops side,bits just conversation, fun and (if it happened) sex with a younger man. Man - he's a young one but is one.

They're consenting adults, what does it really matter if they shag. Who are they harming.

Notredamn · 29/04/2020 20:56

Emotional and violent 😂 I couldn't be less fussed about what OP does. She asked for opinions, I gave mine.

Original poster
4tplussome · 29/04/2020 21:06

Can I just ask - for prosperity now , what you would say if that uni student said he absolutely knew his own mind and was the one wanting to meet or talk? If he said he didn't give a toss what anyone else thought because he was enjoying talking. ? Would you assume you knew better because you're older ? Wiser ? Would you still assume there must be an ulterior motive ? Would you still think the woman was a predator and should know better?

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 29/04/2020 21:12

I couldn't be less fussed about what OP does.

You said very strong things for someone who's indifferent and easygoing.

TwentyViginti · 29/04/2020 21:17

Having just read the whole thread, he screams 'scammer' to me. I come across these in my forays into online dating. They prey on older women as a pp said. My age range on my profile is 50 - 65 and I still get messages from 'young' scammers who look for older women to try to get money out of them.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2020 21:48

I'd think he'd been living under a rock for months (lockdown), and needed to concentrate on his studies.

TinRoofRusty · 29/04/2020 22:01

'what you would say if that uni student said he absolutely knew his own mind and was the one wanting to meet or talk? If he said he didn't give a toss what anyone else thought because he was enjoying talking. ? Would you assume you knew better because you're older ? Wiser ? Would you still assume there must be an ulterior motive ? Would you still think the woman was a predator and should know better?'

I would say no. I really would. Because, since you blocked him, YOU already know it's a bad idea, you know your own mind, what's it matter what he thinks? You decided for yourself. You blocked him, but he did not respect that at all. That's wrong, no matter who they are and a serious red flag. If he had no teeth and told you he was unemployed and living in a squat would you have the same reaction to keep talking to him? If he was a female or told you later he was actually a woman would you be this interested given that you are just talking and chatting? I agree with Lola's post. I instantly dismiss anyone who will not take no for an answer, no matter what their age because there is nothing romantic or interesting or attractive in someone who won't respect your boundaries. It's stalky and controlling.

GilbertMarkham · 29/04/2020 22:09

Hmm I forgot about him being blocked and finding op in another platform; is a bit dodge.

Aside from that op have you skyped/whatsapped etc him so you know he's not cat fishing with young cillian's pics?

GilbertMarkham · 29/04/2020 22:10

Also is he of any nationality that might need a visa?

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2020 22:18

Look op, you do you. And whomever else you wish. You asked if people find it distasteful, the overwhelming answer is yes.

Why keep this going and arguing with folks and trying to justify it, going on and on in nearly every post about how young you look.

Accept the majority of people find it deeply distasteful and get back to your 21 year old.

Original poster
4tplussome · 29/04/2020 22:19

We were scheduled to speak in person tomorrow.

He is white British middle class so no visa issues. Blimey you are a load of cynics aren't you ?

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 29/04/2020 22:21

Good points raised here. I think the overriding message is to keep your wits about you OP. Other than that, i would say absolutely enjoy him on any level you want to. You will always get prejudice but the bottom line is, if he makes you happy, carry on chatting. Get to know him a lot better before meeting, but i would not kill the relationship because you're concerned about hostility from others. Everyone has different realms of acceptable, as long as this is within yours, i wouldn't give it a second thought x

FelicityFlockheart · 29/04/2020 22:35

OP - nobody cares that much. You're the one craving attention on here and keeping this thread going .

TinRoofRusty · 29/04/2020 22:48

You blocked him and he stalked you out on another platform and yet we're a load of cynics? Bluntness is spot on.

EngagedAgain · 29/04/2020 22:48

Nrtft, so don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but there is a mathematical thing (trouble is I forgotten what it is) but I think where you half your age, then add seven years, then anyone under that is too young. Seems to make sense when it's applied.

TinRoofRusty · 29/04/2020 22:52

I'm sure he's just a British version of Christian Grey.

BitOfFun · 29/04/2020 23:10

You still haven't mentioned how his lack of respect for your boundaries makes you feel.

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