Is this just too distasteful?

[4tplussome]

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

Maybe he will just help me see there's life after the ex.

I'm not a cougar. I'm really not. He is just lovely to talk to and he has obviously boosted my shit self esteem a wee bit . I allowed myself to be belittled by a tosser....and then this rather beautiful young fella sweeps in and tells me I'm fine as I am, I'm funny, I'm gorgeous, and he is interested in me and wants to talk about books and films and music and all the things my ex hated about me .

Course I'm flattered. And while ever the conversation isn't icky I'm happy to talk . He seems genuinely very very nice . Credit to his parents clearly.

Well then why post on here? I bet you would love it if your children came home with someone nearly 30 years older than them, eh? And 21 is bloody young and very immature as in not having experienced much life, regardless of their intelligence and interests. You've been 21 as have I and you know it. Youngsters get crushes on older people, it happens a lot and it's up to the older grown ups to not let it be anymore. In my opinion anyway and since you're here asking for opinions you're getting them and inspire most saying that it's wrong you're still arguing about it. Did you want everyone to say it's great and go for it to make you feel like it's less wrong??

Let him boost your self esteem OP! Have a shag with him if you fancy it when you can!

When I left my husband I saw a 25 year old and a 21 year old. The 25 year old was a bit immature, the 21 year old a laugh and good company. I was in my early 40s at the time.

We all moved on, and it was just nice to have a bit of flattery really from younger men.

Musti

By the time I was 21 I had been married for 3 years and had a 3 year old son.

Bugger off if you've nothing constructive?

He sounds lovely. Let me know if you want to share him 😉

And I think lots of 21 year olds read more than 41 year olds ..

Look, OP, people would think it fine for you to be with a 61 year old. That's just how it is.

Ponchek

Thank you. He really is nice . I'm enjoying our conversations.

Feels less seedy than some conversations I've had with older blokes.

Could he be a conman?

Genuinely don't feel he is a conman.

I asked my oldest wisest friend about this today.

She married a man 20 years younger.

She said in real life you can knock 10 years off me and 15 off in photos .

So in rl I look 38 . On photos I like 33.

No filters.

Maybe I should try Botox and fillers...
she said there is nothing wrong in admiring someone younger.
She said don't get my heart broken again and youth is addictive.

I'm really not stupid. I know this can't go anywhere else. But it's given me such a confidence boost and I'm really enjoying our chats. Is that so bad ? I'm not going to kidnap him and tie him to a bed 🙄😆

How would you feel if your child brought home someone older than you op?

*She said in real life you can knock 10 years off me and 15 off in photos .

So in rl I look 38 . On photos I like 33.

No filters.*

You seem quite fixated on your looks.

Sorry, posted too soon. Why does that matter so much in this situation? He's already told you that he finds you attractive.

This is going to sound harsh but do you think he is giving this anywhere near the headspace you are? You can't meet up and shag because of lockdown.

So at best you are going to keep giving it this much headspace and then either meet up for a shag and it'll be fine or not meet up for a shag and you'll ruminate over the reasons for that.

If you felt icked out enough to make a thread then it's probably best to just give it a miss, no?

Not because I think you're doing anything morally wrong, but because the amount of headspace you're giving it is disproportionate to what's actually going on.

Which is just flirting with someone much younger (which is giving you enough ick vibes you've posted about it) who you can't meet up with for ages even if you wanted to.

I just couldn't be arsed!

I'm not fixated at all on how I look - just trying to justify why a younger man might message me and want to chat .

Not necessarily a conman or fetishising.

You are utterly absorbed and obsessed with how young you believe you look. I recognise your posting style I think. You know this isn't right but you're enjoying the ego boost and you want it to be right so keep banging the drum. My advice would be to build a life that didn't involve complicated men (boys)

I'm not fixated at all on how I look -

Read back through your post and see how many times you've made reference to your looks.

How
Would
I feel

OP

I'd leave this if I were you. Reminiscent of bitchy days at school.

Have Fun

I know so many people who think they look much younger than they are, but none of them actually do. Most look good for their age but certainly not younger. Of course your friends will say you can knock 10 or 15 years off your age, just like they will tell you to crack on with this guy if they think that's what you want to hear. Everyone knows it's not a good idea though.

Apologies, OP. I didn't mean to be bitchy. Just pointing out that you do seem to put a lot of value on what people think of your looks. And this guy may well be onto that. Doesn't mean you're not good looking, I'm sure you are and it feels good to be told we're attractive. But when someone keeps repeating it in various forms, be wary of their motives. I'd say the same whatever his age.

We chatted more tonight. He asked who my favourite artist was.
We got taking about William Morris and Claris cliff and moorcroft pottery.

I've said I'll take him to an exhibition which is near me and will interest him.

I have never talked to anyone - of any age -who wanted to chat about art and artists.

I've got a couple of places nearby I know he would be interested in.

This just might be a friendship that is based on a mutual love of art . Who knows .

He has said he is enjoying talking to me and I'm certainly enjoying talking to him - no sexual content- just a mutual live of art and since he doesn't drive I can take him to a couple of exhibitions I know he will like and that I've wanted to visit .

He's a geek. I'm a geek. This could be ok. Not murky. Could just be nice .

And honestly? Couldn't give a flying fig about my looks . It's
Just a quirk of nature that I look younger.

I used to hate it. I have a baby face . 🤷🏻‍♀️.

If you're going to keep talking to him I think you need to be really honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want. On the one hand he's beautiful, calls you gorgeous, you're flattered. On the other he's a platonic art friend you wouldn't dream of fucking. I think if the second were entirely true you wouldn't be uncomfortable enough to post about it.

Figure out what sort of relationship you really want, then either pursue it or stop talking to him. Keeping up the just-friends-but-also-flirting-but-feeling-bad-about-it thing will just end in tears.

"I know so many people who think they look much younger than they are, but none of them actually do"

Are you happy now that you have torn someone down?

I know tons of people who look younger than their age.

When I was about 45, and had been divorced for a few years, I met a guy who was 25 at that time. We had this great sexual chemistry which was quite something. I knew very well that thing's would not last forever,, but he did stay in my life for about six years. He moved into my home, but was not very reliable job wise, and money wise. I guess I was just using him as a kind of toy boy so to speak., and he having a great time having no responsibilities as such.

Things fell apart.when I realised,that he was irresponsible about many things,and was becoming to be like a child person, and me like a mother figure. It was a funny .or odd time in my life. and now I only remember a couple of things that were good about it apart from the sex, that was that he did a good sunday roast, with the best yorkshire puddings, and that he put me a new kitchen sink unit in my kitchen, ha ha.