Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Urgh...I'm struggling today and don't know where else to offload as one of my close friends has just had a baby and our group whatsapp is all about that and i don't want to bring it down!

I am just feeling really tetchy and stressed today. I'm working from home, when in reality my job isn't one I can do properly from home but I have to pretend to be working when my 12 yr old ds really needs my help in motivating him to do his work. Instead of that though, I am getting cross with him to constantly asking for help because then I am not looking like I'm working. So feeling like a shit employee and a shit mum today.

My 14 yr old is in their room and I have to trust they are getting on with their work as I just don't have the time to keep checking.

Mr Ad is sitting opposite me and my ds at the dining table, working also so we are all on top of each other and if it was the kids dad at least he could help out but obviously Mr Ad isn't their dad and stays out of it and I just want to explode.

On the plus side, as I was typing this, my new cordless vacuum arrived so every cloud...

@Sunshineandflipflops I get how you feel. I have to work full time and help my pre teen with her work. She’s either moody and shouting or crying 90% of the time but I can’t stand over her all day. Her works not hard at all she just can’t be bothered. She can’t go to her dads as he keeps going to his friends and family. He just gives me abuse over me keeping dd here.

@Sunshineandflipflops
Please remember you are not working from home or home schooling you are 'at your home, during a crisis, trying to work and trying to help your children do school work'

Your employer should understand that productivity will not be the same as if you were in the office.

I'm having similar issues with my DD, 17.
Her new boyfriend is here during lockdown (not ideal but just before lockdown he came to ours for a few days and his mum collected his Nan to live at theirs and she is vulnerable so they told him he cant go home), they've been going to bed at 4am, getting up about 2pm and doing college when they can be bothered but last week they both got in trouble for not partaking in lessons so I've put my mum hat on and agreed a timetable with them and agreed when to wake them.
Its 9am yesterday and today and they are struggling!! My DD was awful to me yesterday and kept shouting and swearing because she was tired and grouchy.
Yesterday they went to bed at 4am and I woke them at 9am - they were shattered!!
But went to bed at midnight last night and i woke them at 9am, DD is doing college work and is even doing her afternoon session early so she can nap. Her boyfriend keeps going back to sleep so I keep waking him up!!

I'm working from the kitchen table and have to ring my clients so need a quiet house but that doesnt happen enough.

DD isnt seeing much of her dad currently as he went full on psycho and she only goes for tea occasionally.

Just remember that whatever you do is good enough plus you have a new cordless hoover to play with!!!

Hugs to jane1978 (sorry cant tag)

Just in case anyone needs to hear this today...

@TigerDater That’s lovely 🤞🏽 it goes well

@Menora Just ask, I’m sure he’ll be expecting it even if it is something he finds a bit awkward. Plus it means if it’s something you don’t like you know sooner rather than later. I think I was asked the second time I met MrNN, he was worried there might be an ex wife.

@Sunshineandflipflops Would your son be okay with MrAd helping him for a bit, it would give you a bit of a break.

Thanks everyone...sometimes you just need to get everything out!

My boss is great and does understand my situation. There is only two of us in the team though so I still feel like she is constantly watching me (albeit remotely!).

Mr Ad is really busy with his work. He works for a company that has actually been busier since lockdown so I can't ask him to help ds and like I say, I don't expect him to. I know when they are at their dad's, he doesn't help much with school work but if ds asks me I can't say no.

They are at their dad's for 2 days from tomorrow so I will only have work to think about then. I know I am in a more fortunate position than a lot of people so I'll stop the pity party now!

@Jane1978xx and @SortingItOut your situations sound difficult too and I hope you are doing ok. I have to say, I am quite envious of friends who have two parents there all of the time at the moment.

I feel lucky in a way

My DC are really no trouble generally and I am free to work flexibly from home

DD2 is now trying to work through her A level options and DD1 is doing college work. Both also being helpful as well now. Not so much at the start!

@Menora just mention it on a phone/video chat. It might be that he's not brought it up because there's nothing to tell. Me and Mr Vegan swapped marriage stories on our second date. Neither was a particularly straight forward conversation but I do think it's important to understand why their last marriage didn't work.

Also another one struggling today. I'm taking a mental health day. My 2 year old constantly wants me to entertain her and play with her, and I feel like a shit parent sticking her in front of Youtube for hours so I can work. Despite this, I'm barely getting any of my work done so I feel like a shit employee too. Today it was too much for me so I am still in my pjs and we had a day of crafting and I made something proper for lunch. Already feeling much better.

Been a while, but it’s been good reading through.
Struggling today as well, I’m feeling really needy and I hate it when I feel like that and no way to really distract myself.
Real reason I popped in was to see how @Dancerinthemoonlight was doing with mr army! My army guy was more than hinting he could drive up tomorrow - it’s not happening, but I thought it was interesting that suddenly he’s not confined to barracks and it’s an option for him - again not for me! I wonder if it’s maybe starting to be over, maybe that’s why I’m struggling the hope of maybe just maybe some normality is on its way !

Mr GN is a government employee (not army but close) and he is adamant that he will be free to travel next week. How that translates into freedom for the rest of us, I don’t know.

@stuckinarut79 Mr Army hasn't been confined to barracks but has been following the rules of not seeing anyone outside of those he works with/who lives on base. He is back to his normal duty this week after guard duty at the weekend. We are both waiting to see what is announced on Sunday but we don't think there will be any dramatic changes and that the easing will be very gradual.

Scotland has basically been told there will be no changes in the near future 🙁

@crazycatlady20 I'm up here too and I'm gutted about it

I've just ditched my last iron, Mr Local
He was getting a bit too needy, wanting to message all evening but asking me to suggest things to chat about.
Typical of the men I seem to attract - have nothing interesting to say, expect me to drive the conversation then get annoyed when I don't bother messaging.

No idea why I always seem to end up with men like that.
But I finally decided I couldn't be bothered any more and told him it wasn't working. He just replied "ok". Which about sums up the effort he has put in over the last couple of weeks.

So, given we are probably going to be stuck like this for a lot longer, is it worth trying to find any new irons? I started lockdown with about 6 and they've all gradually disappeared/got bored of me.
I'm rapidly approaching 53, been single for 6yrs. This lockdown has made me realise how lonely I can get but I've also realised that I'm probably going to be single forever.

@dancemom so am i, for really selfish reasons. I obv will be glad when I can see my family etc but It looks like working from home for the foreseeable and also having dc at home, both of which I am finding really difficult. I also want to date. I felt like I was just getting some life back after my split and now I'm confined to the house lol.

@echoelephant i know how he feels lol. I really want someone to talk to but have nothing really to say lol. I did look at the 85 questions instagram page someone posted tho.

my iron is still working. mega long shifts, basically working and sleeping. he is constantly online and answers texts but no real back and forward. we have texted before so that prob makes a diff. dont think hes really in the mood when he has downtime. I'd love to have a good old chat tho 🙁

crazycatlady20 that was me that mentioned the 85 questions.
I found it after Mr Local kept messaging me saying "what are we going to talk about tonight"
So I'd ask him a question and he give a one or two word answer. Wouldn't ask me what my answer was, wouldn't bother to explain his answer if I asked.
It felt like every message he sent just shut the conversation down. Then he'd pop back up later and say "are you ignoring me now"

I’m in wales and we have our own rules as well. Will be crazy if England with the big cities with loads of cases eases up before rural areas.

@echoelephant once someone says are you ignoring me now that would be it for me I think.

@crazycatlady20 that’s how I feel I was getting sorted and now this shit !! I was so depressed and anxious I barely left the house last spring/ summer and this year im in again 🤦‍♀️

@echoelephant it's funny how a lot of men dont know how to have a conversation. not sure if females are the same. I could understand if he didnt want to speak to u and he was trying to cut short the convo but to ask what ur going to talk about and ask if ur ignoring him but not actually chat is weird. did you tell him the reason? I think I would have.

I just feel like I'm bugging my iron, he was the one who got back in touch with me and said he wants to see if we work. I've asked if I'm bugging/annoying and he says no. I'm basically just asking how he is but he doesnt really ask back either. I just wish he had some downtime in evening to properly chat, think I'll just need to wait it out.

crazycatlady20 I don't know if it's just the ones I attract or particular to men in their late 40s/early 50s, but I struggle to find any that can hold a conversation.

Example chat with just about every iron I've had in the last year
Him: how was your day
Me: tells a bit about my day including something interesting to prompt further discussion
Him: lol
Me: how was your day
Him: boring/didn't do much

I think with Mr Local he just liked to send short texts. And he didn't understand that a one word answer killed the conversation. So he'd expect me to keep it going. When I didn't he assumed I was ignoring him.
I explained this to him at the weekend and gave him a chance to improve. But he didn't so he's gone.

Mr Return is younger than me. Mr M was younger than me. I’ve had no luck with the older ones!

@echoelephant I'm the same but I chat to late 20's/30 too. I find most of them them the same as you describe.

the best was a guy in his 20s who would ask questions back and if u asked more than one thing in a message he'd actually answer both questions! 😲 I know, wow! he didnt want a relationship tho. can't have everything lol.

I normally go older, maybe I should try younger

Mr Return has suggested we do things on YouTube from the show Taskmasters

He has a lot of energy 😂

@menora at least he's suggesting stuff. just had a look, some look like a lot of work lol.

@bangheadhere40 I'd swipe younger but dont think I'd message them 1st.

Older or younger, I don't mind. Just want to find someone who has something interesting to say.

Menora that sounds like fun!