Why do I have no real friends?

[AlwaysAllegra]

I've often wondered this since I was about 12 years old. But it seems the older I get the quantity and quality of my friendships decline and have become non-existent. My DH, DM, DD and DB all say it is down to jealousy, but surely it must be more?
I have always been quite insecure, I have strong morals and ethics, I own 3 properties and a lovely car, most people tell me I'm very pretty/attractive, I don't drink or smoke, I'm slim(ish), I've got a masters degree and I've started my own law firm business. Since starting my own business most of my friends have been really unsupportive, not recommending me, liking my business page etc even though I've text and asked if they could to help promote my business. But it hasn't just been that, I can honestly look around and say that not one of my friends is truly happy for me or supportive and I wish I had an amazing BF like others do.
I'm the person everyone comes to for advise, help or a problem but after sending everyone a Happy Easter WhatsApp, no one got back to me and I just realised I have no friends... Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

I'm not friends with people because they are attractive, slim, don't smoke or have "strong morals". I'm friends with people who are kind, funny, good listeners, loyal, have similar interests and who I can have a good natter with. I don't understand why you have listed what you own. It's irrelevant.

Ditto with PP. You haven't listed anything about your personality and what you bring to a friendship. What are you like as a friend?

I completely agree with PP - I have no regard for what people have, it's about them as a person - I am lucky to have brilliant friends who are loving, caring, check in, they aren't intense but all there if and whenever anyone fancies a chat or anything.
What you have materially is completely irrelevant and doesn't, or Shouldn't make you who you are.

Agree with both pp. Why have you not mentioned a single attribute that would make you a good friend . You seem to have listed a catalogue of achievements and life choices . Is that what you look for in a friend ?
Maybe if you focussed on humanity , kindness , humour , compassion and loyalty , you would find the friendships you need .

I did list that I am the person they come to for advise, help - so that would be a good listener no? I am very thoughtful I always remember so many things about them. I am very loyal as well.
My bad qualities are that I'm opinionated but look at both sides.
I listed what I own/look like/morals in regards to my family and DH stating that they think they are jealous of me. I am not saying they are, I'm just asking what can I do? What would you do? It's nearly 1am and I'm having awful insomnia at the moment, hence not elaborating on my personal character.

No offense but.. sounds to me like you're a bit self-centred, I wonder if you show or have any interest in anyone else's life or just talk about yourself constantly?

OP... genuine questions I don't mean to offend you but you said you wish you had an amazing BF and then you talk about your DH, I don't understand, are you saying you're unhappy with your partner too? Also I don't mean to be pedantic but twice you've said 'advise' when it should be 'advice'.

@jaffacakeany1 that's nice thanks 🙄

I have just written a post following on from that comment. I am not self centered at all, I send messages all the time. I'm always the one initiating contact actually, remembering their children's birthdays, anniversarys, arranging to meet up. Just wanted some advice about how I could create better friendships and what to do with existing ones?

Okay - fair point you did mention about advice and that would likely mean you are a good listener , nice to hear you're loyal too. Maybe you can be a little intimidating , maybe try softening a little . Sometimes people who have achieved a lot in life can be a little intense and very result driven . Whereas often the fun in life comes from doing futile pursuits , just having a laugh , lightening up a little . Jealousy may play a part , but there's nowt you can do about that , if they are jealous and not happy for you then they are not actual friends in any case . Try not to worry too much , engage with people who share your passions and interests , even if that's just one or 2 people . Think quality not quantity

What the others said. I don't understand why you have described your appearance and possessions instead of the personal qualities that might make you a good friend. Do you think people care about these things? Or are you telling us this because your family think that you lack friends because other people are all jealous of what you look like/what you have? Either way, it's totally irrelevant.

I don't know that I'd automatically want to promote a friend's business either, tbh.

Maybe you need to stop thinking about what your friends do or don't do for you, and consider instead what you do for them?

@SuckingDownDarjeeling BF meant Best Friend should be BFF. I used advice 1 and advise 2, all should be advice. As I mentioned my insomnia is through the roof, so I'm probably not being as coherent as I should be.
DH is wonderful, as our my family. I don't have any sisters just a brother and no female cousins, so part of me thinks maybe I'm no good at engaging with women? I don't know, I've always been around men more at work and hobby wise.

X post.

Thanks @MrsRusselBrand that's really helpful advice.

@AlwaysAllegra ah okay I understand. Your friendships will come in time. It sounds like you've spent a large portion of your life focusing on your career which is admirable and you shouldn't doubt yourself because of how many friends you have right now. Even one amazing friend is better than twenty acquaintances x

A lot of people maybe didn’t have good easters and didn’t feel like messaging back

I messaged a select few of my closest friends on Easter Day and so far only 2 got back to me and that was this afternoon.

People have a lot of shit going on right now.

I think you've been given a bit of a hard time so far OP.

From my experience (which was similar to yours) the situation turned out to be because I spent a lot of time and effort presenting a confident, have-my-life-together front and never opened up or asked friends for help. People didn't check in on me because I was always ok, and they came to me for advice because I appeared so successful.

I improved things by accident - I found out my fertility treatment wasn't successful and my upset crept up on me. I ended up sobbing in my car in the work car park and a work friend saw. The whole thing came tumbling out and all of a sudden I had a proper friend (and still do 3 years later).

If you're struggling with something, let your friends know and give them the chance to become close. Also, consider keeping opinions to yourself unless specifically asked - its the one quality that is almost guaranteed to put people off.

@AlexaShutUp

Purely mentioned the above in regards to what my family have said, that was all. I'm pretty insecure, so it isn't me saying look what I have aren't I super? It was just reiterating what my family have said they may be jealous of...

I have done loads of reviews on my friends businesses, retweeted them, recommended them, put stuff on their Facebook business page. I am so supportive and not so I get it back at all, I just want people to do well and be happy. It costs nothing to be nice and write a review, retweet, like a page etc.

Even though I don't look at friendships as a tradeoff. I've actually been thinking about what I do for them vs what they do for me and that's what's making me so sad. They just don't support, message, appear happy if I share any good news - although I do with them.

I’m going to pick your post apart bit by bit:

I have strong morals and ethics That could be putting people off. People want to have fun with their friends. If they feel that you disapprove of their behaviour, that could be an issue.

I own 3 properties and a lovely car, most people tell me I'm very pretty/attractive, I don't drink or smoke, I'm slim(ish), I've got a masters degree and I've started my own law firm business None of these things make you a good friend. It’s interesting that you list these rather than the attributes which would make you a good friend. Is it possible that you place too much importance on these things and that makes people thing you are conceited?

Since starting my own business most of my friends have been really unsupportive, not recommending me, liking my business page etc even though I've text and asked if they could to help promote my business Asking friends to promote your business is the surest way to lose them. It’s annoying and exploitative.

Thank you @SuckingDownDarjeeling hopefully I get 1 amazing friend soon!

OP, the fact that most PP have attacked you based on your original post should tell you all you need to know about the attitude many people have. Most people are jealous and complete shit. The fact that your "friends" have not supported your business online by a simple like is very telling. Maybe you should stop wasting your time on these people. When people show you who they are, believe them. Maybe look into spending time on your hobbies, or making new hobbies, in order to meet new people.

You sound great, good luck.

@Rebelwithallthecause yes of course, I had a rubbish Easter as well and I'm personally having a shitty time. Hence why I just checked in on everyone, said I hope they were having a good one despite the Lockdown and keeping safe. I mean if they don't reply they don't reply, would you pull back or continue to be the one making the contact?

@isolatedbunny thank you, you made me well up! Initially I did think everyone was being a bit harsh, but hopefully newbies to the thread, have read the whole thing. Maybe I should just distance myself and whatever will be will be :)

You sound quite conceited, always a turn off for me

Thank you @IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy going through something similar myself.
I agree with showing vulnerability to others, it isn't something I'm good with. I never ask for help, probably because I've had so many people let me down in the past. I think asking my friends to help promote my firm was the first time in a long time I asked for help and it just wasn't reciprocated.

@HeddaGarbled have you read the whole post, I did address some of your points. I agree some people wouldn't want to promote a friends business, but for me and how I am as a person, I don't think that's a true friend.

@Rubybluesy please elaborate? I listed what my family feel could be a jealousy trigger, I hope you read the entire post first.