He just spat at me

[Eastereggies]

Background: obviously everyone in quarantine and doing each other's head in

Two DCs... One 6yo one 18m. He was out of line earlier today, got the ridiculous hump about me putting the dishwasher on and subsequently emptying it , because he'd put a BBQ part in there that he wanted to put on a specific wash. He Said "I didn't want me to put it on "...he never actually told me this tho,I'm supposed to read his mind... He literally threw the item back in the dishwasher, slammed the dishwasher door, huffed and puffed and stormed off. Then proceeded to not talk to me for the rest of the afternoon, didn't say thank you for dinner until I dragged it out of him

Put the kids to bed and I approach him for an apology for acting like a dick earlier. We all have moments but put your hands up and say sorry I was a turd just then.

It escalated into him calling me a slob ... (I'm not).... And picking up after me all day ..(. I think he means his OWN DCs).... And saying I'm a cunt and he's sick of hearing my voice ... Blah blah blah... This went on for a bit and I said what's the point in my dragging an apology out of you it's worthless.

He said some other hurtful things so I started throwing hurtful things back at him, i.e. congratulations on tidying up "my bedroom" you've succeeded in ignoring your kids again by doing these tasks.

It was meant to hurt him , as he was saying hurtful things to me, and it's not really true about him (well, not 100% anyway).

As i turned to walk away he spat at me

I'm fuming. I literally want to go up there and have a huge row but the kids are in bed

What a horrific environment for your children to be growing up in. Not saying it's all your fault but this can't go on. Spitting is assault by the way. You'd be justified calling the police.

Thankfully they were in bed

I'd waited till they were asleep before I'd approached him about his childish behavior earlier (trust me we've had some rows in front of the kids before so have both had to work on reigning it in and waiting until they're asleep... So that's what I did .... And even tho we agreed this to deal with arguments it still weren't enough time.for him to just put his hands up and say sorry I was a dick.

That's all that was necessary. He didn't think he done anything wrong. Yet I did, by putting the dishwasher on.

It's so so ridiculous. But it just escalated m as these things do I guess

Christ that's appalling. You don't suspect an affair at all do you?

No that's the last thing I suspect.... He really wouldn't have an affair.

He SPAT at you. That is disgusting. Just stop and think whether this man respects you. The answer is no. Is this what you want from your life?

Spitting at someone is assault. Aside from the legality of it being an actual offence it's one of the most disgusting and degrading acts and I'm so sorry you had to endure this.
Do you feel safe in lockdown with him with the atmosphere like this?

I'm sorry you're going through this now OP.

That would be it for me - spitting or any form of assault is unforgivable. I'd leave.

What a charmer. There is no way I would stay with anybody who a) has tantrums b) is abusive and calls me a cunt and certainly not c) spitting at me.

Not a good role model for your kids. I would call the police and get them to get him to leave. This bad behaviour cannot go on, it could escalate. This is a strange time, tense, uncertain- but no excuse to behave in such a disgusting behaviour.

I feel safe I'm not afraid.of him, thank you for asking though...

He's never done that before, I guess I really hit a nerve saying he's ignoring his kids. He doesn't, he's generally okay, he does display some avoidance tactics, but generally he's good. But I was so pissed off with him pulling me apart calling me a slob and a cunt and everything, I cooked dinner with no thanks, he didn't help tidy or clean away after,

I wait till kids in bed for an apology.

I got nothing.

Just loads more shit.

And now this

Christ, that's horrific. I would not accept that. Calling the mother of his kids a cunt was bad enough but to spit at you? What a disgusting animal he is. Honestly I would wait until things calm down and try to speak to him about whether he thinks that behaviour was acceptable. If he does think it's acceptable run for the hills. Today it's a spit, tomorrow it's a slap. It's a slippery slope when it comes to abuse.

You need to dump him op.

That is absolutely revolting. I couldn’t be with a man who spat at anyone let alone his own partner. I also agree with PPs that this could escalate.

If my husband spat at me he'd be expecting divorce papers very soon. That is absolutely fucking disgusting.

That's so sad. I know you can never judge a situation until you're in it but I really think I'd be leaving (with kids) if my husband did that. Even if just for a while to get your thoughts togrther. Spitting is by nature degrading which is just cruel. I'm so sorry for you.

He's showing utter contempt for you OP. That's not normal. Don't minimise it.

Call the police and get the bastard arrested. He spat at you. They will take that very seriously right now.

If my husband had ever spat at me I would have divorce papers and an assault charge before the saliva dried. Op please get help, he’s going to escalate from spitting to pushing, or throwing things at you and eventually he will hit you. And you’ll be so used to being his whipping boy that you will accept it.

Get out, get your babies out before they see their mother being treated like shit by their father and take it as normal.

I’m sorry but he would be be out on his arse lockdown or not.

He actually spat at you! To me that’s a sign of contempt and disrespect and there would be no coming back from it.

If he wouldn’t pack his bags and go I’d ring the police as spitting is assault.

Break up. No environment for children to grow up in.

OP, these things don't just escalate. This is not normal behaviour.

He is supposed to love and respect you - his partner and mother of his kids. I wouldn't spit on my worst enemy.

Get him out.

That's truly reprehensible. It's an action of someone who wants to do worse but feels held back.
And personally I'm not sure children in their bedrooms wouldn't hear that level of argument. Maybe they hear OP, and maybe they're too sad and afraid to say anything.

Em, someone holding you in such contempt that they spit at you is not something fixable with an appology.

You like 'dragging' thankyous and apologies out of him don't you?

Your relationship is doomed unless you both learn to communicate without hurting one another. He sounds like a childish gimp, but if someone says hurtful things to you - do not descend to doing the same.
Apart from anything else - it cancels out the true meaning and impact of what has transpired. It will also mean you are on thin ice when you try to get the other to see they have been abusive.

I couldn't even bring myself to spit at someone I absolutely hate. It is absolutely vile.
I think this would make me physically sick. Just get out.