Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Things you need and want to say to your husband/partner during this lockdown but can't...

144 replies

asafeplace · 02/04/2020 01:20

The CoronaCrisis is taking lives and shredding already strained relationships and some people are finding themselves literally locked down with someone they no longer like, let alone love. Covid-19 is real, and very scary, and no one would wish it on anyone. We all want it sorted, not least for those poor people who have it and especially those who are very poorly with it, or who have lost someone as a result of it.

So, for everyone who is really genuinely struggling in your relationship, if there are things you need and want to say to your husband/partner during this lockdown but can't, for whatever reason - maybe you don't want to upset someone else in the household, maybe your partner is fragile in some way, maybe you just can't face hurting their feelings, or maybe you just physically can't say the words - say it here.

I'll start.

Throughout our marriage, your refusal to honour any agreement we make that is important to me, has been and remains deeply wounding and has destroyed all trust. I can't believe anything you say or rely on you doing what you say you will do, because they are just words to you, without meaning. Do you not realise that I have grown to despise your behaviour? That now we have reached the point where you change the atmosphere of a room when you enter, and not in a good way? Do you not understand that I feel only stress and tension when you are in the house, and peace and relaxation only comes for me now when you are out? Trying to make conversation with you exhausts me. And thank you, really, for telling me that when I speak you hear noise. I really appreciate that. Thank you for your utter self-centredness and selfishness, for making drinks and meals only for yourself and not for anyone else. For using the last of the milk, bread or whatever, and simply shrugging it off as unimportant. Because of course it is. What's important is that you have your drinks and meals, that you come first in everything, that you have things your way all the time.

FUCK OFF.

OP posts:
ComeTheFuck0nBridg3t · 08/04/2020 16:21

@Kiki275 sending you a big, squishy hug.

There are a lot of really sad, awful sounding situations on this thread but yours really struck a chord with me.

So from me to you hug

Kiki275 · 09/04/2020 08:21

Thank you @ComeTheFuck0nBridg3t Smile, he's a good man unlike some of the specimens described on this thread. He's just a bit clueless but we'll get through it x

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 09/04/2020 08:44

I miss you so much, every day without you breaks my heart. You would have hated lockdown because of your incessant need to go out (usually to the shops to buy cake!) but we wouldn't have been bored or fallen out, because we never did, even when we were cross with each other you always made me laugh.

I am in a way relieved that you are not having to try and dodge this virus, because it would have killed you and you wouldn't have had the send off that we were able to give you. That you deserved. It is a strange thing to be thankful for, all those nights I lay on the floor of your hospital room as you were dying, but i was with you and you were never alone. I couldn't have done that now.

My heart is completely broken into pieces but I have to try to be positive and remember you would have struggled, rather than be selfish and just want you here to improve my experience of this lockdown. I can't go and visit you where I scattered your ashes, as my trip has been cancelled, but you are everywhere around me in my house and my thoughts and my heart. I miss you, but i was lucky to have 20 years of love.

ginandcv · 09/04/2020 14:09

Wow. These make for really difficult reading Thanks for you all x

satansbumhole · 09/04/2020 16:30

okay: Youre not used to being home all the time, BUT sitting in the office on your ps4 isnt constructive! You moan youre bored, I suggest lots of things....."oh later..." is all I bloody get!! its taken you 3 days to finally take ds for a bike ride! get up at a decent hour and maybe youll sleep batter at night eh? yes its not nice being stuck at home, but getting in a weird , "kevin" style mood all day doesnt help either. so suck it up buttercup.

oh that felt good.

Devoilmum · 09/04/2020 20:58

I know that you’re cheating on me. Whether it’s emotional or you’re actually fucking her makes no difference at all. It’s over between us, I’m devastated but will never trust you again. I’m cheating you now- I’ve got you running around, getting all the jobs done around the house, cooking, cleaning, minding the kids while I focus on my next move and work from home. But I know that she’s messaging you all the time and whilst you’re not eagerly waiting and checking for them, I know what’s going on. I can’t wait for this to be over so I can tell you to fuck off.
I’m struggling- it’s killing me. It was ok at first but now it’s tough. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it to myself.

IncyWincy23 · 09/04/2020 21:42

@MrsExpo ♥️♥️

MrsA2017 · 09/04/2020 22:00

You all deserve so much more, and it is out there 💐

And to DH, please stop wearing that awful faded yellow T-shirt 😫

Idolovechocolategimmygimmy · 09/04/2020 22:49

I really hope you are ashamed for losing your shit and raging shouting at a 3 year old. She's 3!!!! And if she doesn't want you around to play with it's your own fault because you don't ever and have hardly ever done anything with her. I'm the one who gets her dressed, fed, bathed, prepared for nursery, puts her to bed, reads her stories, puts her needs before my own. I'm the one she trusts and feels safe with. If you'd put down your phone for 5 minutes and give her some attention instead of being selfish and wanting everything on your terms then you might actually build some trust and ask for you now and again instead of me.
I'm
Not sure I like you anymore. When I look at you, I don't like what I see. You're touchy and you literally go on the verbal attack whenever I raise something because it may not paint you in the best light. I'm starting to see you as a bully. Controlling. I think gradually, you're controlling me and you may not realise it yourself because you're blinded by your own selfishness. I thought things were getting better so decided to try for another baby. I did not see this realisation coming at all. Why do you have to fart and stink constantly. You think it's funny. Every time I'm around you you stink of shit. Do you realise you constantly stick of shit all the time? This would be because you're contribution to the house is to cook meals. You cook super healthy meals that I'm supposed to be grateful for but I'm just bored of eating plain roast veg. (If anyone reading this wonders about this, it's because I'm always dealing with our child and I don't have time to cook considering I work full time. If I did cook we wouldn't be having dinner till 6:30 or later by the time I get home from work, and my child would never get to bed early). You never ask me what I want to eat, what I want to watch on tv, or just how I am or take any interest in my life whatsoever. I'm now alone, pregnant and wondering how to deal with you in the morning because I know we cannot go on like this. I feel stuck. Stuck with you. You who blames everyone for everything and always pitying yourself. It's always everyone else's fault, never your own. You have isolated me and I don't know how to get loose. I wish I had walked away when I had the chance before we married. I might have met a lovely caring person. Now I'm stuck with you.

psychomath · 09/04/2020 23:20

AndNoneForGretchenWieners that was a beautiful post and painful to read Flowers

WaynettaIsMyStyleIcon · 09/04/2020 23:44

You’re a good man, but I don’t love you and I don’t want to be married to you any more. When this lockdown is finished, I’m going to tell you, again, that it’s over. Please just let me go. You say you love me, but you never show it. Please, just let me go.

thethoughtfox · 10/04/2020 00:15

Wash

rainbowlou · 10/04/2020 00:29

If I start I probably won’t be able to stop!
I wish I didn’t feel like I have 3 children now instead of 2, stop having a go at the kids for not cleaning up after themselves when you’re the worst!
Your eating habits and snoring drive me insane, and stop fucking eating everything!!
I have stayed with you after you cheated and betrayed me, but I bet you never spoke to her in the way you’re speaking to us right now when you’re feeling shit and bored.
I get you’re stressed that you have no work for the foreseeable and we have financial shit going on but I’ve forwarded 6 opportunities for work to you and you’ve found excuses not to apply for every single one.
I can possibly get over the others but the last point?? I’m seriously reconsidering our relationship and your commitment to our beautiful children.

flipoutnow · 10/04/2020 01:39

Wow, I thought it was just us.

So you've supposedly been impotent for the last 10 years but are choosing now, of all the times, when people are scared and dying, to reactivate your dick and develop a porn addiction and start looking on escort sites?

If you didn't want me you should have let me go and be happy with someone else.

Shayisgreat · 10/04/2020 06:43

Even though you're not going out, you still need to shower regularly. You also need to do some exercise as you are getting very fat. I need alone time so you need to take our child out for a walk by yourself. Please don't follow me around the house when I try to take a break from you. I am a good cook and your mother's food isn't that amazing.

mamato3lads · 10/04/2020 07:43

Laying here alone at 7.36am after coming to bed alone to find you snoring last night, after a day of trying to get your fucking attention or a smile. You went to bed at 8.30pm

Before you left for your morning walk today I asked you to come back to bed and cuddle me when you got home.

Your reaction was as if I had asked you to demolish and rebuild the house in an hour. So ridiculous. Sorry showing me some affection and attention is such a fucking CHORE for you.

See you next time you need someone to ejaculate into you selfish inconsiderate bastard

I am so lonely. I tell you all the time. Please look up and see me. I'm right here. It is soul destroying to be with someone 24/7 whilst also being completely, totally alone.

Oldbutstillgotit · 10/04/2020 08:02

This has to be one if the saddest threads I have ever read .
Just over 30 years ago I split from my abusive, lying, cheating H. He was a high earner, I wasn’t. It was pre CSA so I had to go to court for money . He disappeared .
I had to move into a shithole with my 2 DC and it was so tough but we were so much happier . They are now adults and we are close . I remarried and he is kind and loving.
What I am trying to say is that it is a scary prospect leaving security etc but ultimately will make you and your DC so much happier . 💐

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 10/04/2020 08:19

This is a great ideas I'm crying reading these posts. I am so sorry for those of you living with such utter cunts. I'm worried for you too. I hope when all this is over that you get away and that you/your children live the wonderful happy life that you all deserve Thanks

To my dh , stop being a bossy twat, you do not know better than me on everything. Oh and tell you know who to get a fucking job and stop leeching!

GloryHunter · 10/04/2020 08:21

Stop painting everything with white gloss paint as it gives me a headache and makes me feel sick 🤢

loopylindazdaughter · 10/04/2020 08:30

All this has made me realise that I just don't like you at all. Apart from the kids we have nothing in common

Slowly you have chipped away at my resolve and I just can’t be bothered to even engage now. You question, put down or simply ignore any points I have.

Being with you makes me unhappy, your stupid, but stubborn. You need assistance with fucking everything you try and do by yourself. I control everything and get no thanks or appreciation.

It would be hard with two small children on my own, because the only thing going for you is that your a good dad, in terms of play and fun.. But i would feel so much happier, freer, calmer.

I would stop drinking, your the only reason I need escapism at the end of the day :(

Ziggyb · 10/04/2020 10:00

So many living in such unhappy relationships Sad

I hope you find the strength to leave when this is over. Flowers

Devoilmum · 10/04/2020 10:42

Everyday I practice saying it in my head - everyday I wish I could say it out loud. I hate what he’s done to me, destroyed me, my confidence, my belief, my self esteem. I know he’ll beg and plead and promise it’s over - but I’m Standing my ground. She’s welcome to him and I hope she was worth it. She in turn, will no doubt suffer the duplicity in time too. That’s if she even really wants him.

crystalize · 10/04/2020 11:03

Flowers to you all enduring these insufferable arseholes. I think lockdown will make so many people question their current situations with other halfs. My sister literally snapped and kicked her useless git out yesterday morning.

I too left a high earner 22 years ago and raised my children on my own. Had relationships but never lived with anyone since. Not that I didn't want to I really wanted to settle down with 'the one'. Thought I had met that person a few years back but he turned out to be a moody useless sod too!

I know now I would never co-habit with a man again. Just FWB. I feel lucky I have my own home with no-one dragging me down. I hope all of you can find the strength to kick these useless feckers out when lockdown is over. Use this time to plan, gain strength and knowledge. Your children will thank you in the future.

CardsforKittens · 10/04/2020 12:19

My partner is pretty decent really, but I want to say to him:
You do not need to tell me every single thought that passes through your head. Stop talking all the bloody time!

Apple222 · 11/04/2020 08:58

Everything is all about you and your ego.
You are totally obsessed with yourself and your own needs, blaming me for things you don’t like about you.

Your lack of gratitude for what you have is damaging. You can only think of what you don’t have and tell me how miserable this makes you. You blame me for your misery and discontent.

You complain about your weight but then binge on food. You don’t only binge on food you have bought for yourself but then start on my food. It is like I don’t exist.

You can’t bear doing anything that contributes to the household to the point where you will do half a job then leave the other half to me because you can’t bear the thought of doing something for me.

You think you are a giver but you are actually one of life’s takers.

You think you would be happier elsewhere. Good luck with that. They won’t see the real you for some time but one day they will.

You are losing someone who loved you. Maybe one day you will see that and realise the damage you have caused.