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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Things you need and want to say to your husband/partner during this lockdown but can't...

144 replies

asafeplace · 02/04/2020 01:20

The CoronaCrisis is taking lives and shredding already strained relationships and some people are finding themselves literally locked down with someone they no longer like, let alone love. Covid-19 is real, and very scary, and no one would wish it on anyone. We all want it sorted, not least for those poor people who have it and especially those who are very poorly with it, or who have lost someone as a result of it.

So, for everyone who is really genuinely struggling in your relationship, if there are things you need and want to say to your husband/partner during this lockdown but can't, for whatever reason - maybe you don't want to upset someone else in the household, maybe your partner is fragile in some way, maybe you just can't face hurting their feelings, or maybe you just physically can't say the words - say it here.

I'll start.

Throughout our marriage, your refusal to honour any agreement we make that is important to me, has been and remains deeply wounding and has destroyed all trust. I can't believe anything you say or rely on you doing what you say you will do, because they are just words to you, without meaning. Do you not realise that I have grown to despise your behaviour? That now we have reached the point where you change the atmosphere of a room when you enter, and not in a good way? Do you not understand that I feel only stress and tension when you are in the house, and peace and relaxation only comes for me now when you are out? Trying to make conversation with you exhausts me. And thank you, really, for telling me that when I speak you hear noise. I really appreciate that. Thank you for your utter self-centredness and selfishness, for making drinks and meals only for yourself and not for anyone else. For using the last of the milk, bread or whatever, and simply shrugging it off as unimportant. Because of course it is. What's important is that you have your drinks and meals, that you come first in everything, that you have things your way all the time.

FUCK OFF.

OP posts:
LadyRoughDiamond · 03/04/2020 16:53

I know that your job in the NHS is incredibly stressful right now and that everything must revolve around that. I know that your head really isn't with us at the moment. I know you need love and support. But please recognise that I need support too. I'm scared. I'm running around trying to feed you and the children and to help elderly parents. My future has just disappeared, training course will end with no job to go to. I feel empty and alone. Please look up and see me.

ChocolateCakeMix · 03/04/2020 18:01

Brush your teeth and take a shower you disgusting, lazy, mouth breathing cretin. I wish I didn't need you to pay the rent.

karigan · 04/04/2020 17:04

Everything needs to be about you. It's day 1 of the holidays for me (teacher in an independent school for vulnerable kids so we've been in as normal) and in order to keep the peace, I've had to follow you around marvelling at your every activity. I've had to grit my teeth as I have had to listen to 'helpful' advice from you about how to wash up. I've had to sit and listen to long explanations about how bad I am at a variety of tasks and how your suggested way or 'The One True Way' is the only course of action I should choose.
Every disagreement is escalated (by you) to you shouting and calling me horrible names in front of our child. I'm totally stuck as I can't leave at the moment, can't view rentals because estate agents are closed, can't move in with friends because there wouldn't then be the childcare.
So I'm going along with all your bullshit and pandering to your view of yourself as the the only knowledgeable adult in the house, as opposed to myself; as you explicitly tell me, the lazy, feckless, stupid, dirty, child.

Twat

millymoo1202 · 04/04/2020 17:12

I could’ve written original post we have now separated but he’s been an absolute nightmare! Good Luck

Heartburn888 · 05/04/2020 00:13

I hope our son doesn’t turn out like you.

Sick to death of having to clean up after you and you coming in and messing it all up again. Leaving shit all over work tops, when the bin is within arms reach. I’ve told you several times about leaving the oven door fully open after you’ve used but I still have to close it it does my fucking head in.

You’ve got into bed tonight and sweated all over my clean sheets but you won’t be changing them tomorrow will you? Nope. It will be me as per fucking usual because you’ll be sat on your arse on the sofa stuffing your face then moaning your fat and farting so loud it startles the baby. It’s disgusting.

You do the bare minimum with our son and it really fucks me off when I am upstairs tidying and he is crying to be taken out of his jumperoo Because he is tired and you’re just ignoring him watching videos on your phone. Why? Do I have to do everything?? You are not even capable of finding something for me For the baby that is in eye shot from the sofa I have to give you fucking co-ordinates of said item from memory or ‘you can’t find it’ . I honestly think living without you will bring me such peace.

You Made me realise that ending us was the best thing as you treat me like I’m your mother. I do the housework, admin, childcare whilst you get up go to work and fuck off down to your mates house of a weekend despite knowing we are on lockdown you don’t have any consideration for your family or your infant son. But if I say anything Jesus Christ - you go to work all day!! I’m a mum I don’t get a finishing time and my job is made 10x harder by you leaving your shit around for me to clear up and then the endless list you want to pile on me then get in a boo when I haven’t fallen over myself to meet your requests.

I get nothing out of the relationship and I’m already looking at houses for me and our son to move into once this tenancy is over with. Shame you will probably need to stick around a bit longer to help me make ends meet.

Cunt

BlindAssassin1 · 05/04/2020 09:32

At the start I turned a blind eye to a lot of shit, now I'm revolted by you, how you sneeze across the room, and let your toe nail clippings ping across the room, you're a dirty fuck. I'm starting to get the ick.

You've been a lazy shit with work the last couple of decades, its entirely your own fault.

I can't stand you when you've had even a couple of drinks. In fact, I'm bored of all booze related stuff to do with you. If I was on fire and you had a pint in your hand, you'd drink the pint.

I had a massive crush on someone else a while ago, I didn't act on it at all, but God how I wished you away.

Bombaybunty · 05/04/2020 09:37

I'm very lucky, DH is fantastic compared with some of the men described here.

But FFS stop sending me stupid fucking memes.

mamato3lads · 05/04/2020 14:39

Christ. Forgot about the farting and leaving toe nails in a pile on the front room table.

Thought I was alone with this filth...fucking men!!

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 05/04/2020 19:09

Stop buying the gin. You know you can’t stop drinking till you get to the bottom of the bottle and it’s slowly eroding our otherwise very good relationship.
It’s those fucking tablets that set you off on this, and now you’ve stopped them you are almost back to your normal self-apart from the alcohol cravings. The man I married drank a couple of times a year-not all week.

Fuckmyliferightnow · 05/04/2020 20:31

Just knowing you are breathing in the same room as me makes me want to scream.

You know it all, smug cunt-bag.
Of course you are always right, even when no one is telling you you're wrong you still find other people's knowledge a threat, this must be why you have devalued everything I have ever said to you.

You lied to me for over a year about the online girls and gaslighted me, now you are gaslighting me about gaslighting, of course you know more about it, since you'd never heard of it before I fucking told you.

Oh and stop bullying the kids.

BTW I'm leaving at the first sign of lockdown being over.

Fuckmyliferightnow · 05/04/2020 20:34

Oh yes and stop rolling your eyes at me you patronising cunt.
Also, yes Covid 19 is real, so you can start washing your hands now.

mamato3lads · 05/04/2020 22:23

Fuck, could add to this all day

Please fuck off with your condescending bullshit know it fucking all attitude, it makes me want to headbutt something
Stop moaning at me because we have run out of something, YOU are the one going out to the shop every day, why not check you cunt.
Stop getting all haughty when somethings not perfect when i scrubbed your actual SHIT off the toilet today, because you couldnt be bothered
And wash before you ask for a blow job you tasted like piss tonight

Fuck you. And fuck isolation, being trapped with mr perfect is fucking torture

maa1992 · 05/04/2020 22:43

I wish you'd make more effort without me having to ask. I wish I didn't have to remind you of birthdays, occasions etc.

I wish when you see something in a shop it'd remind you of me.

I wish I'd of put my foot down more, put my wants and needs across more instead of replacing and healing what your exes done to you.

I actually disliked your dog but accepted her because she was yours.

You desperately need a haircut.

Sarcelle · 05/04/2020 22:52

All of you going through a bad time Thanks

My marriage is far from ideal but there is none of this. Life really is too short for this shit.

HollowTalk · 05/04/2020 23:01

Oh god, you poor things. I've never been so glad to be single!

justasking111 · 05/04/2020 23:09

There is going to be tsunami of divorces after this lockdown. Mother of god you all deserve to be happy and at peace.

Bluebooby · 05/04/2020 23:17

You are a really selfish person and a terrible father. (Ok so I've told him both of these things this week but I'd really like to go into details). Also, you're lazy. Not lazy when it comes to doing things that you want or need for yourself, but things for me and our child. And a tight bastard. I gave up my career to raise our child and put up with years of being completely ignored by you so you could earn the big money you wanted to earn, where is it? Why don't I get to spend any of it on things I want? Wanker.

Pompei36 · 05/04/2020 23:41

Oh wow, you girls need to get out Flowers

Jenny1951 · 05/04/2020 23:44

When I came back and get lunch for my son and I assuming that, as you’re lying on the sofa watching TV, you’ve already had something. You then jump up ‘DIY is it now?’ in a sarcastic tone and then open cupboards aggressively etc. The aggressive response is such that when I start to argue back, my grown up son behind your back mouths ‘don’t, shush’. Bearing in mind I made you bloody toast this morning, coffee, got the vitamins out, and have done lunch and dinner every f....g day since all this started.

Absolutely pissed off with having to be the cheerleader in the house.

HollowTalk · 06/04/2020 12:14

@Jenny1951 that's sad that your son felt he had to say that. Have you thought of leaving your husband?

PinkMonkeyBird · 06/04/2020 13:23

Wow, I feel for a lot of you stuck in relationships whilst in this lockdown. Those of you who plan on leaving/divorcing after this is over, I wish you all the best as it sounds like you deserve a much better life xx

Jenny1951 · 06/04/2020 13:55

Generally my husband is ok and son doesn’t usually live with us but is staying until this is over. You’re right - the saddest thing was my son saying this - he has mental health problems and is quite sensitive to atmospheres.
Question to all - Why can’t most men say sorry?

Kit19 · 06/04/2020 14:05

@MrsExpo that made me teary xxxx

daffodil1224 · 06/04/2020 14:17

You are selfish and clueless and once this is over I'm going to run like a bat out of hell away from you

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 06/04/2020 14:22

At the risk of not 'reading the room', I would actually like to say to DH that he is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm so lucky I found him Blush